Your Mess is Mine
by horror.story.liars
Summary: Emily is attending UPenn and enjoying life with her best friend Alison. Things all seem to be going smoothly until Emily finds a battered Alison one evening and receives news that will change their lives forever. Emily may have gotten rid of A but now she must battle a broken legal system and the biggest monster of all, her own self doubt. Emison, warning: Abuse and adult themes.
1. Now Your Mess is Mine

Your Mess is Mine

Being 21, gay, and single in Philly is better than I ever could have dreamt. I smile to myself on my way home from work. It really does get better. I'm a swim coach at the local high school and studying sports psychology at the University of Pennsylvania and loving every moment of it. I lock my apartment door and fall into my couch. The fear that dominated my life in Rosewood is completely absent from my current life. I guess that sometimes it would be nice to have a more meaningful human connection than a short hook up, but I can't complain really. At least I still have Ali.

"Hey you, how was your day?" I shoot a text to Alison. The other girls scattered a bit after graduation, Hanna to New York, Aria to Savannah and Spencer to Georgetown but Ali had opted to go where ever I went.

Lorenzo had gotten an apartment in Philly anyway so Alison moved in. It is conveniently ten minutes walking distance from my place. While it is occasionally difficult to suppress my heart skipping beats when she is near me I was happy to be able to reconnect with my best friend, especially with how much she's needed me the past few months. Lorenzo took off telling her it was over and that he needed space four months ago. She didn't hear a word from him for three months and then suddenly a month ago he just showed up like nothing ever happened. He refused to answer any questions and she was just so happy to have him back that she accepted it. I hate that piece of shit. She gets really weird and secretive about things with him though so I don't usually push it.

"Are you okay Ali?" I send another text after a half an hour goes by with no reply. Ali is always eager to respond.

When she hasn't answered after another ten minutes I decide to go take a shower and that if she hasn't responded by the time I'm done then I'll just head over to check on her. It's not like her to not respond, especially in the evening. I guess worry never completely goes away, even if A has.

My hair is mostly dry and I manage to at least put on my decent jeans and t shirt and jacket. It's hard to not just go to Ali's in my pj's sometimes; it feels like we're roommates. I grab my keys back out of the basket by the door and lock my door behind me. I shiver and shove my hands deep in my pockets starting on the familiar walk to Ali and Lorenzo's. Maybe I should have followed Aria to Georgia, it's already chilly here. I walk up the stairs and knock on her door. Shit, hurry up Ali, my hands are cold. I knock again. I hear movement on the other side of the door.

"Em, maybe it's not a good time." She's crying and my body goes rigid.

"Are you okay? What's going on?" I demand. I look and notice that Lorenzo's car is gone.

"I'm fine." She lies.

"Ali, let me in. It's okay." I say to the door.

It's silent for too long, I want to bust the damn door down. As I lean back to try to figure another way in I hear the chain slide out if the lock. She only lets the door open a couple of inches.

"It's just that Lorenzo and I had a little argument and he could be back at any time." She whispers covered in tears and looking at the ground.

"Ali what's wrong?" I ask touching her wrist on the door frame. She gasps and winces quickly withdrawing her hand. She freezes and so do I.

"What was that." I ask plainly feeling my blood begin to boil.

"It's nothing. Really." She's crying harder now.

"Really? Cause that didn't look like nothing." I demand and push the door open stepping inside. I grab her hand as firmly but lightly as I can. She tries to resist but I manage to pull up her sleeve and I see a forming bruise covering her forearm about the size of Lorenzo's grip.

That's when I notice the overturned coffee table and the broken lamp. The kitchen island has been cleared too. Ali finally looks up at me, her hair moving away from her face revealing a red and swollen cheek, her eye barely able to open.

"Maybe it was more than a little fight." She says.

"He hit you? Where the fuck is he!? I swear to god I'm going to fuck him up." I begin to ramble heading back for the door. She grabs my arm and holds tight protesting immediately.

"No, no one hits you! He's going to fucking die!" I hadn't meant to yell but when I turn to see her she looks terrified and I realize that my anger is not what she needs right now. She's just standing there crying and broken and I finally just wrap my arms around her and she crumbles into my embrace.

"It's okay sweetheart, I'm here now. I'm here and you're safe." I whisper kissing the top of her head.

"Please don't go, don't leave me." She sobs.

"I'm not going anywhere." I reassure her. I walk her to her couch where I sit with one arm around her and the other holding her hand. How could anyone hit this beautiful face?

"Now, can you tell me what happened?" I ask softly.

"You know when Lorenzo left a few months ago?" She asks, and I've never heard so much shame in her voice. I nod unable to find my voice.

"He said it was over. I thought he was never coming back. I waited a month. But I got tired of waiting. So one night I drank too much and I ended up at Vertigo, that club down the street. I met some guy and ended up taking him home. I didn't really want to but I already had brought him back here so I ended up sleeping with him." She says crying hard enough to struggle catching her breath.

"There is nothing wrong with that. You were single and honestly it sounds like you were pressured into it which is definitely not your fault." I say rubbing her back.

"I should have known he'd be back." She says.

"You can't blame yourself for this. It's not your fault in any way. How could he be so upset that you slept with someone three months ago when he's the one who left? Why does it even matter? How did he even find out?" When I say that last part she really starts sobbing, really sobbing. To the point that she ends up clinging to me again.

"Honey what is it, what happened?" I ask holding her wet face in my hands.

"I'm pregnant." She manages before falling back to my chest. I grip her to me. I can barely breathe. I can't let the panic take over me now though. She needs me. Before I can even think about my words they begin to pour out of me.

"Ali, you aren't alone in this. I'm here. And I don't care what decisions you make regarding this baby, I'm still here. If you can't handle carrying out the pregnancy than I will hold your hand as we take the next step. If you decide to let your baby be raised in another home then I will help you find the perfect one. And if you want to raise this little one then damn it I'm here for that too. I'm by your side on this." I vow to her with every piece of my heart.

"You can't do that, you have your own life and so much going for you. This is my mess not yours." She looks me in the eye.

"Your mess is mine now. That's all there is to it." I stare straight back at her in a way that I never used to be able to.

"There's something else." She says looking at her hands now.

"Whatever it is, it's okay you can tell me." I try to catch her eyes again and she won't let me.

"Part of why Lorenzo flipped out so badly is that he knows why I've never been able to fully open up to him. I think it's why he left in the first place. Emily, I'm in love with someone else." She says, she sounds even more terrified than when talking about her pregnancy.

"You are? Well, Ali you have to tell them. Be brave and tell them. Maybe they can help you." I say honestly, setting the pain her words are causing in my chest aside. Suddenly she is looking at me again.

"I just did." She watches my face intently and now I can't even look at her. This can't be happening.

"And, I understand if that changes things. I just felt it wouldn't be fair to let you support me if you didn't know. And I guess I just needed you to know. I've also decided to keep the baby. And if you don't want to be a part of all of this I understand." I can't even let her finish before I kiss her lips so softly.

"I'm still here." I whisper. She smiles.

"And you're okay with being a part of the baby's life?" She asks cautiously.

"You've always had me Ali. 'Against reason, against promise, against peace, against hope, against happiness, against all discouragement that could be' as someone once told me. Nothing will change that." I say with a smile. She blushes and laughs through tears.

"Now, let me take you to the police station. We'll come get your things later." I say standing. She opens her mouth to protest.

"I know you don't want to, but we need to report it so we can get a restraining order. I need to protect you and the little one in there." I poke her belly. She nods sadly then, realizing her pride is no longer important. She grabs my hand to stop me at the door.

"Em... We're having a baby." She smiles, the magnitude of what we have discussed beginning to dawn on her.

"We are. We're having a baby." Emotion grabs hold of my throat too and I have to swallow down tears.

"No one is going to hurt you two ever again." I say, walking out the door with her wrapped around my arm.


	2. Hold on, Darling

"It's going to be okay Alison. I'll be right here, I'm not going anywhere." I whisper into the top of her head before peeling her reluctantly from my waist.

She goes with the officer to his office so that they can make a report. She looks desperately back at me and I nod reassuringly. The door shuts and I jump. I hadn't realized how on edge I was. I walk over to the water cooler and take a white paper cone from the dispenser and fill it with water. I look down at the ripples my shaking hand is causing. I drink the contents quickly and throw the cup into the trash. Maybe I should sit down. I take a spot on the red leather padded bench in the waiting area. The material makes me feel like I may slide off of the seat and makes awful squeaking noises with my bobbing knee. Sitting was a bad idea, I can't sit right now. I walk around the room pretending to look at the decorations and artifacts on the walls. I wonder what all she's telling them. I wonder if she's okay. I wonder if she's told me the whole story. I doubt it, I mean this all just happened so fast.

A kid goes running past me and I jump about a foot in the air. She can't be more than six. She's wearing a little purple jumper and a blue turtle neck with a jean jacket on over it all. She runs straight into the arms of the waiting female officer who has the same dimples and long brown hair. She looks to be around twenty-six or so. They hug and smile so hard that they look like their cheeks may burst.

"Oh honey, what a surprise! What are you doing up so late?" She asks over the little girl's shoulder to her grinning father.

"We couldn't sleep and thought you may need a bit of company." He says and she can't even feign annoyance before kissing him.

"Well we can get back on our bedtime schedule tomorrow I suppose she says kissing her daughter's head.

"I love you mommy." She beams squishing her mother's cheeks with her tiny hands.

"I love you too." She laughs. She turns to me suddenly.

"Are you okay ma'am? You look a bit pale." She says setting the girl down and stepping towards me.

I run to the nearest bathroom and toss up the water, still cold, that I just drank. I spit and spit to get that awful acidic taste out of my mouth. I run my fingers into my hair to hold my head up resting my elbows on the toilet seat. Why is everything spinning? When did the air get so thin? I can't catch my breath in here. The sick green linoleum isn't helping anything.

"Are you okay, honey?" I feel a small hand on my back. The officer followed me.

"Ugh, yes. It's just so hot in here. And I forgot to eat dinner so I'm probably just a bit hungry." Before I can even finish my sentence the woman has applied a cold wet washcloth to the back of my neck and used her own hair tie to pull my hair back.

"You ready to stand?" She asks extending her hand to me. I take it and rise shakily to my feet.

"Rebecca Morgan." She smiles warmly at me.

"Emily Fields." I grip her hand in return.

"I'm sorry, you can get back to your family I didn't mean to cause a scene." I say walking to the sink to wash my hands and splash some water on my face. The cool rag on my neck felt amazing but I already feel it warming up so I set it on the counter.

"Nonsense. I saw you and your friend come in, you're going to be here awhile and they brought me plenty to eat for my break, please join us." She says wringing the rag out and drying up the spot where it had been.

"Oh I couldn't impose like that." My manners take over for my churning stomach.

"Not to be rude, but you look like you may pass out if you don't sit down and get some food in you. I insist. Come on." Her smile is so welcoming the I find myself following her.

"Here, the break room is right here, we can leave the door open so you can watch for your friend..." She trails off looking to me for her name.

"Alison." She nods.

"Alison will come out of that door right there when she's finished." She has a strange look of concern on her face.

"Brian, this is Emily. Emily, Brian." She starts, I shake her husband's massive hand. He must be 6'4". He seems very nice, his dark eyes are so warm.

"And this is Felicity." She leads the little girl to me and my mouth goes dry.

"Hi Miss Emily, I like your pretty hair." She says reaching out a hand but still gripping her mom's leg for support. I nervously shake her hand, smaller than my palm.

"Thank you. Your's is pretty too." I whisper. She runs to the corner where her dad has set up some paper and crayons for her to draw.

We sit at the table and I still feel like I'm floating above my own body. Rebecca sits some chicken and rice in front of me. I take a bite and it is delicious, but feels heavy in my mouth.

"So how long have you and Alison known each other?" Brian asks trying to be friendly.

"Since we were 11. We were best friends all through middle and high school." I smile a bit then. Thinking about how far we've come.

"That's a long time. Are you guys still just best friends?" He asks. Rebecca smacks his arm

"Geez Brian, she's having a hard day you don't have to interrogate her." She scolds.

"What? I was making conversation!" He puts his hands in the air.

"It's okay, really. We are a bit more than best friends though. Who knows what that means." I say with a sigh continuing to pick at the meal in front of me.

"Sounds familiar. This guy right here moved to town when we were 15." She says lovingly touching his black curls.

"Yup, and I went and fell for the weirdo across the street." He smiles mischievously.

"Oh, hush. If I'm so weird then why'd you try for two years to get a date with me?" She reminds him and they laugh.

I can't help but look over to Felicity. She's so intent on her drawing. I've never seen such a serious little girl. She's constantly going back over stuff to correct mistakes and fill in white spots. What a little perfectionist.

"Thank you so much for your kindness Rebecca. You were a real superhero in there."

I nod over towards the bathroom.

"I'm not a superhero, I'm a mom!" She laughs.

"You must have always wanted to be a mom, you're amazing at it." I smile shifting in my seat.

"Me? Don't make me laugh. I swore I'd never have kids. There wasn't a maternal bone in my body. But this doofus over here wasn't always too careful and landed us with a little surprise. I almost didn't think I could go through with it." She says suddenly serious as she remembers.

"Wow. I never would have guessed that. What changed?" I ask.

"Well, I spent some time alone thinking about it. And I thought about how much I love this guy and how much he loved me, and how this all happened because of that love. And that can't be too scary can it? I still felt like a blubbering idiot the whole time but we had each other and we figured it out, one step at a time. And now I can't imagine not having little Felicity around." She smiles at her beautiful family. I don't know if it's having some food in my system or her kind words but I'm beginning to feel a bit more grounded.

"Miss Emily here! Look what I made you!" Felicity shouts running over and jumping into my lap.

"Oh! Wow thank you, it's so beautiful! You're a really good artist!" I say. The drawing is just of a dog at a park. But she took such care that every square inch is covered in the colored wax.

"I love drawing; it's all I want to do. Did the picture make you feel better?" She asks.

"It sure did! And if you keep practicing then one day I bet you'll be a famous artist. There's only one problem." I narrow my eyes at the corner.

"Oh no! What did I mess up!?" She asks smacking her hands on her cheeks.

"You forgot to sign it. How will I be able to prove that I have a Felicity Morgan original once you're famous?" I ask. She hurriedly grabs a black crayon.

"Here sign there on the bottom right corner." I say pointing. She shakily spells out her first name.

"Great job. Thank you so much." I smile at her.

"Wow, looks like you're the natural one." Brian says. Rebecca smiles.

"I sure hope so." I had intended to only think it.

"You don't mean..." Rebecca asks pointing to her stomach. I nod.

"Felicity honey, can you go draw mommy a picture now?" She asks. Felicity nods and hops off my lap hurrying to her work.

"Is," she points to her cheek on the side where Alison is bruised and swollen, "the father?" She asks quietly.

"No thank god. That's why that all happened apparently. She doesn't know the father it was a one-time thing." I say staring at the door that Rebecca told me that Ali would be coming from.

"Actually Brian honey can you just go ahead and take Felicity home? I've only got about fifteen minutes left anyway." She says he nods and they kiss goodbye.

"It was a pleasure meeting you." Brian says shaking my hand again.

"Likewise." I smile.

"Bye Miss Emily! I'm glad you feel better now!" Felicity says hugging me tightly.

"Bye honey, thank you for the picture and everything." I smile and wave as they walk out.

"Now I didn't want to say anything, because you were already worked up and all, but the process of proving domestic issues is a nightmare. It's even worse with a baby involved." She says in a whisper leaning close to me.

"Proving? What do you mean? She can't even open her eye or use her right hand!?" I demand.

"Oh, I know that honey. I am not doubting you a bit. But those guys aren't like me. Why do you think I'm out at the front desk pushing paperwork and working the shit shift? I'm trying to get out of here fast because this system is broken and it was not made to protect women." I try to hold it together and just listen to her.

"Well, what are we looking at then." I ask taking a deep breath.

"If you don't have any witnesses, or a confession, then I promise if this goes to court Alison is going to be painted as some hormonal psycho and they're going to say that she sustained those injuries while attacking him, that he was only defending himself. Do you have any money for a decent lawyer?" I sadly shake my head no. Why can't Spencer just be done with school now? Her mom left Rosewood right after graduation or I'd call her.

"Does he?" She asks. I sigh.

"Yeah. Yeah he has plenty of money." I say.

"That doesn't look too good for her. I can't lie to you. I don't think that there is any way that he'll be doing time." She says with concern.

"That's so fucked. Pardon my language." I say trying to hide the tear that has escaped my eye.

"No it is. It is fucked. You should be at least walking out of here with a restraining order though." She pats my hand.

"There is something else." She's hesitant to speak now.

"What? What is it?" I ask sitting up.

"Your girl is probably going to be pretty shaken up tonight. What they call 'interviewing' tends to be more like 'interrogating' they're going to talk to her like she's made it all up and ask her awful personal questions."

I don't let her finish before I am headed for that door. No way. She has been through enough and I am DONE with crooked cops. They will not make her feel afraid anymore. Not if I have anything to say about it.

"This interview is done." I throw the door open to see two large male cops leaning over Alison who is covered in tears and shaking. They turn to me puffing their chests. I walk straight at them.

"We're just trying to get the whole story." The one closest to me says.

"She's told you enough. He beat the shit out of her, we want our restraining order and then we're leaving." I shout. Ali reaches for me and I grip her to my stomach.

"Have you gotten pictures for the report?" I demand.

"Well we had to make sure it wasn't another false case before we collected evidence." The smug cop says.

"We want a female officer in here now!" I shout. They start to protest.

"No, I know my rights. I want a female officer in here right now." I poke him in the chest.

They scoff at each other. I'm sure they'll make lots of bull headed lesbian jokes about it later but I don't care. I'm taking care of my girl.

"I'm so sorry baby. I'm so sorry I had no idea." I whisper to Alison as she cries against me.

"They were so horrible." She whimpers.

"I know. It's okay now." I kiss her head.

I look up to see Rebecca walk in, digital camera in hand

"Damn, I didn't mean to make you go all mama bear. But I'm glad you did, you scared the heck out of them." She smiles to me. She kneels down in front of Alison to make eye contact with her.

"I'm so sorry Alison honey. It's not right what they did. I promise that I'm not like them. Is it okay for me to do this now or do you want to wait?" She asks in a soft even tone that I appreciate so much. I even feel Ali relax a tiny bit.

"I can do it now. I just want to get it over with." Ali says not letting go of me.

"Now I want to get a picture of all of the wounds. I won't take any pictures that you don't want me to take though. So I will just control the light and the camera and the rest is up to you okay? You show me the part you're ready for and I'll take a few pictures as quickly as I can." She says pulling a desk lamp over. Ali nods again letting me go.

"Can Em stay?" Ali asks.

"Of course!" She smiles at me.

"Start with my face." Ali says quietly. Rebecca nods.

She carefully places the lamp in such a way that it fully illuminates her wounded face but is not blinding her either. Christ, it's even worse than earlier. It's already turned purple with awful black and blue speckling. Her eye can't open at all. It goes from just above her eyebrow to wrapping around her jaw. Rebecca takes several pictures from several angles. She checks over them to make sure they came out okay.

"What's next sweet girl?" Rebecca asks. Ali lets go of my hand to extend her right arm to her.

"Is it okay if I slide your sleeve up for you?" She asks and when Ali nods her permission she very gently and carefully moves her sleeve revealing the black bulge on her wrist.

"You need to go get that looked at honey, it looks like it may be broken." She says seriously.

"It feels it. I'll go in the morning. I want to go straight to bed after this." Ali says it more to me than Rebecca. It's amazing how much she has calmed down. She takes pictures from all sides and angles.

Rebecca begins reviewing those pictures and I begin to get ready to go.

"There's more." Ali's voice startles me. I freeze.

"More?" I ask. She nods. I grab her hand.

"It's okay. Where next?" Rebecca asks calmly. I'm trying not to panic. Rebecca squeezes my forearm reassuringly. Ali slides out of her jeans wincing as she does. Her entire right hip is completely black.

"Fuck." I whisper.

I pace few steps away rubbing my forehead. I know she needs me to be calm and soft, but so help me god the moment that I see Lorenzo Caldero I'm going to explode. I'm going to kill him. I hear the camera clicking behind me and her jeans return to their place on her body.

"Can you move your hair so I can get your throat?" Rebecca asks. I just watch through tears across the room. Her throat is dotted with small fingertip sized bruises.

"You may want to look at my back too." She says. With Rebecca's help she is out of her shirt. There is another fist sized bruise on the right side of her ribcage just below her bra. It looks considerably older than the other ones.

"I take it Mr. Worthless is a lefty." Rebecca jokes and they laugh. I don't. Am I strong enough for this? Can I be who she needs right now? Not to mention the baby?

"There. We're all done now. I have a couple forms for you to sign out front, and then you're free to go." Rebecca holds her hands and then lets her walk out of the room in front of her. I start to follow but she closes the door. She grabs my shoulders.

"You're going to do just fine Emily. Remember, you guys have each other and sometimes that's enough. You can do this!" She says before hugging me tightly.

We walk out to the front desk and I help Ali sign with her left hand. Too bad she's not a lefty. I took mental note of where every bruise was so that I can avoid them as I soothingly rub her back. I need to get her home and tend to her bruises. I need to take care of her.

"And here, this is my personal number. Feel free to call anytime if you need anything at all. I mean it, if you need advice, a laugh, a meal, if you have the inexplicable urge to babysit a six year old so I can take a nap, anything at all, the line is open." She says sliding a piece of paper across the desk.

"Rebecca, I can't thank you enough." I say squeezing her hand on our way out. She smiles and winks at me. She waves to us as we board the elevator and head home.

"Will you hold me tonight?" Alison asks gripping not just my hand but my entire arm.

"Baby, I'm going to hold you for the rest of our lives." I say wrapping my arms around her and exiting the elevator.


	3. Take Care of You

I toss my keys into the basket by the door and quickly check every room in the house. Maybe I'm paranoid but in my experience it's better safe than sorry. I go over to the tub and start some hot water. I pour in the special salts that we use for sports injuries. The smell is sharp and cold but amazing. I walk back out to her.

"Honey, I know you want to go to bed, but you're in a lot of pain and I think that you'll feel better and sleep better after you get cleaned up." I say grabbing her good hand.

I lead her to the bathroom and she stands there, looking like she's in a daze. She doesn't say a word as I look into her eyes. So I unzip her jacket and slide it to the floor. When she doesn't protest I very carefully lift her white long sleeved tee over her head. I think she lacks the strength to do it herself. I unbutton and unzip her pants and she steps out of them. I can tell that her hip is really bothering her. I can't believe how thin she's gotten, I hadn't noticed under her layers. I knew that there had to be more to the story. I unhook her bra and toss it with the rest of her clothes.

"Is it okay?" I ask with my fingers at the hem of her panties. She wipes her uninjured eye and nods.

I slide them down to her ankles and bend down to help her step out of them. When I stand back up she has stepped closer to me. I put my hands on her sides just above the bruising. God she's so beautiful. She wraps her arms around the back of my neck.

"I've dreamt about being naked with you so many times, but it wasn't quite like this." She's equal parts grateful and sad.

"Life is never quite how we picture it. But I'm just happy to have you here." I say.

"Get in with me. I want you to hold me." She's crying again. I agree, knowing it's a need and not a want.

I turn and shut off the water letting her get in. I grab two towels and set them by the tub. I quickly make a small bowl of a more concentrated version of the salt water that she's soaking in and add some topical pain reliever and aloe and put a rag in to soak it up. I undress and slide into the tub behind her. I take the rag and hold it to the swollen and bruised cheek. She leans into my touch and holds my hand there. I let my other hand slide around her waist and she grips that hand too.

"Does that feel okay baby." I whisper.

"Yeah, that's nice." Her voice is hoarse from all of the crying and probably shouting from earlier.

"You just relax, I've got you know." I say softly into her ear.

It's not long before her desperation for my touch gives way to her furious need for sleep and I feel her body's rigidness falter. Her head slides to the dip in my chest by my shoulder which takes place of my hand holding the rag to her face. I wrap my arms tighter around her waist and inhale the floral smell of her hair. Everything has changed and happened so quickly but somehow I feel like she's been here forever, like she's always been a part of me. Maybe that's just how long this day has been. The clock on the wall says 3:00 AM and the water is losing temperature quickly so I reluctantly wake her.

"Come on Ali, let's go to bed." I shake her good shoulder slightly. She opens her eyes and immediately pulls me into a kiss, like she hasn't seen me in a thousand years.

"I was afraid that I had dreamt you." She mumbles still sleepy.

"If this is a dream then let's never wake up." She nods against me and I stand us both up.

"Wow, that magic salt stuff is no joke. I feel a lot better." She smiles at me. I let her towel dry and do the same ready to dress for bed.

"Can we stay like this? I liked feeling close to you, skin to skin." Her mouth is already pouting.

"Of course. I liked it too." I smile leading her to the bedroom.

I slide in under my white sheet and wrap myself around her body. She fits like the missing puzzle piece in front of me. I don't move for the rest of the night.


	4. My Mermaid

"You finally awake sleepy girl?" I ask feeling her stir in my arms. She wriggles in closer to me.

"Mmhmm. What time is it?" She asks kissing the knuckles.

"12:15." I tell her.

"Can we just never move again, please?" She begs.

"I wish but I have a swim practice to coach at 2:30. I can skip classes but I can't skip out on my girls." I honestly wish I could today. I'm worried to leave her alone.

"Dumb." She says but I feel her smiling against my arm. She rolls over to face me.

"Is this real?" She asks putting her hand on my face.

"It's certainly always been very real to me." I say running my fingers over her hand.

"I'm going to make you some breakfast okay?" I kiss her nose, throw on some panties and a t shirt.

I know Alison's love for sweets even as her first meal of the day. I mix some extra vanilla, honey, and nutmeg into the pancake batter. While one side of the pancake browns I stir up some cream cheese with honey and brown sugar and thin it out with a bit of milk. Once the pancake is done I plate it and drizzle it with the cream cheese icing. I cut up a banana and mix it with the honeydew and cantaloupe that I had balled in the fridge and have a bowl waiting next to her pancake. I pour a small glass of orange juice and a larger one of milk. I smile, excited for her to enjoy her meal.

"Hey Al, breakfast is ready!" I say popping around the corner to the bathroom. She jumps terribly and throws an arm up in defense towards my voice and I step back. She had been looking in the mirror at her bruises and must not have heard me coming.

"Ali, I'm so sorry." I start. She looks shamefully at the ground.

"It's fine, I'm sorry." She folds her arms.

"You don't have anything to be sorry for. Your food is on the island, you can whenever you're ready." I say and walk back out.

I go to my closet to grab my black athletic pants and my crimson and gold Lancers jacket. I set them on the foot of the bed. I toss my crimson and gold socks next to them. I really do love my girls and seeing them may be a nice distraction today. I look at my bulletin board by my dresser to remind myself what we have planned tonight and see the notes I've gotten from the girls the past year. Some simple words of encouragement, and some several pages long filled with such gratitude telling me what a difference that I've made in their lives. I smile.

When I hear the door of the bathroom open I don't turn to look at her. I'm not sure what she needs right now so I guess my default is space. She walks straight out of the room. I sigh gathering my things and taking them to the bathroom. I turn the shower on and let it heat for a few minutes. I hear the door and this time I turn with surprise. Ali is wearing a pair of my workout shorts and an old Rosewood Sharks T-shirt with my name on the back, and she's smiling. She throws her arms around me and kisses on my jaw bone and neck.

"Sorry, but I had to come and kiss the woman who made that breakfast because it is the best thing that I've ever eaten, I forgot you were such a chef." She says. I smile happy that I didn't ruin everything by scaring her.

"Well, there is plenty more where that came from." I say and kiss her firmly.

"Okay, now you can shower, I just wanted to thank you." She smiles, really smiles then and bounces off to eat again. I breathe a sigh of relief as she exits. For a minute there I thought I saw the real Ali shining through.

I shower quickly and throw my hair into a messy bun high on my head. I do some minimal make up and grab my work duffel and get my water bottle out of the fridge. I see Alison eyeing me.

"I guess I can finally admit how sexy I've always thought you look in that Coach Fields get up." She says biting her lip. I freeze and cock an eyebrow at her.

"Oh really?" I ask. Leaning across the breakfast bar towards her. She nods enthusiastically.

"Well I guess I can finally admit how much I've always wanted to see you in my clothes." I smile against her mouth before kissing her more deeply than I'd intended.

"I thought you might like that." She says between kisses.

"Okay, I have got to go baby, I will see you in a couple of hours?" I say between playfully pecking kisses on her giggling mouth.

"Hurry back. She smiles sadly as I close the door behind me.

I hurry to the school and most of the girls are already in the pool. I smile.

"Way to show initiative girls!" I shout at them.

"Hey coach!" A bunch of the girls not doing laps echo.

"Did everyone stretch?" I ask.

"Of course we did." Grace, my star senior, yells as she lifts herself out of the pool.

"Hey girl, you feeling good today?" I ask mindlessly performing our team handshake as she approaches.

"Yeah coach. How are you?" She asks and I laugh.

"Glad that we pushed practice from 1 o'clock." We laugh.

I see the last couple girls enter from the locker room.

"Alright everyone, let's circle up!" I yell. They all quickly head over talking and laughing. They're a far cry from the catty undisciplined girls that I met a year ago.

"Alright I want fifteen minutes of stretching, that includes those who already have because today I want you to partner up and really push that flexibility, do you all remember the order of stretches we learned last week?" I say, everyone giving me their full attention now. They all nod.

"Alright when you're done with the stretches I want ten laps freestyle from everyone." I say.

They all quickly find their usual partners and I pull out my tablet sitting on a bench nearby. I know that Alison loves sweets but I want to make sure she's getting all the proper nutrients. She needs to put some weight on not to mention the baby. I open up Google and start reading about different nutrients and foods. I quickly order the highest rated and best reviewed prenatal vitamins and have them overnighted to our house. I smile at that thought, our house. I continue my food research.

"Hey coach." Grace's voice startles me so much that my tablet falls to the ground

"Oh geez I'm sorry here... Wait..." She sees my Google search of 'best foods when pregnant' and looks at me wide eyed.

"Are you pregnant?" She blurts out, alerting a few girls standing nearby. She smacks a hand over her mouth. I grimace as slowly all the girls start to whisper and stare and rush over to me.

"I'm sorry coach." She says.

"It's okay Grace. And for the record no I am not pregnant." I announce. I see some disappointment on some girls' faces and most don't look satisfied.

"I am not pregnant, my roommate however is and I was just trying to help her out. Now get back to work or I'll make you all do suicides." I say, they all know I'm kidding about that last part.

"Is it Alison?" Grace asks when all the other girls are distracted.

"Why do you say that?" I ask.

"I was just curious if she'd moved in with you finally." She's smirking now.

"Grace Langhor! What are you getting at young lady!?" I nudge her.

"Oh nothing, just that I'm not blind and I see the way you look at each other when she comes to meets, or especially when she watches you swim." She laughs and so do I.

"Well for your information it is Alison. Now, go make the girls do some drills or something captain." I playfully smack her with my clipboard. She runs off and gets the girls doing some relays that they all like. She is such a good captain. I'll miss her next year.

I put my tablet away and watch the girls doing their relays. They are looking good. I'm sure we'll have state this year, Grace is going to sweep it. She has a real shot at the Olympics if she wants it. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't at least get an email from a scout about her. We wrap things up and I head to the store to get some groceries for Alison. Lentils and beans and avocados seems to be a trend amongst experts so that is what I get along with all kinds of grains and greens. I open the door to our apartment at 6 to find Alison asleep on the loveseat. I smile and put groceries away before I wake her.

"Hey sleeping beauty. Time to get up." I whisper taking her hand. She opens her eyes confused by her surroundings but smiles when she realizes she's still here.

"Hey." She leans towards me puckering. I meet her for a kiss hello. I lift her legs and put them over my lap.

"How was your day? How was practice?" She asks smiling at me.

"It was great. My girls work hard, they're pretty independent at this point. They uh, found out about you today." I say sheepishly.

"What!? Like about us?" She asks sitting up.

"Nothing bad, not like that. They just caught me researching pregnancy foods today so I told them that my roommate was having a baby. Grace did however ask if it was you." I smile and hold her hand to reassure her.

"How did she know it was me?" She asks.

"She said it was about time we moved in together with the way that we're always looking at each other. And I didn't know you liked watching me swim." I say with a smile and she blushes.

"You're my mermaid." She says kissing my hand.

"Have you eaten?" I ask her.

"Um, about that. You may be out of melon. Sorry." I know she's only half kidding about being sorry.

"That's okay, I got some food before I came home. I will make you something real quick but then we've got to get you into the emergency room." I say. She frowns ready to protest.

"I know, even if you hate me, you have to eye looks better but your wrist is worse today. It's time to go." I say. She looks down with tears in her eyes so I kiss her forehead and get up to make her some food and give her some space.

"Would a fajita wrap be okay?" I ask.

"Fine." She's mad now.

I fry some beans with some spices, peppers, and avocado pieces while some rice steams with some tomatoes and basil leaves. I wrap it all in some flax seed multigrain flat bread and bring it to her. She leaves it on the coffee table.

"I can take care of myself you know." She mumbles.

"I know. I'm sorry if I'm overbearing. You know I'm just a natural caretaker. And just because you _can_ take care of yourself doesn't mean that you always _have_ to." I say.

"I'm going to eat the wrap but only because I'm really hungry and you're a good cook not because I approve of you making my decisions for me." She huffs as she grabs the wrap off the table.

"You're cute when you pout." I say and walk into our bedroom to change.

It's starting to dawn on me and cause some serious anxiety in the pit of my stomach just how much Alison and I have to discuss. I mean for that matter I know she's wanting to stay here for now but is this permanent? Was her name on the lease with Lorenzo? Does she want me to adopt this baby when the time comes? Before yesterday, I was a single college student who was secretly still in love with her best friend. And today I just may be a mommy to be.

I put on some jeans and a hoodie and find some yoga pants and a loose sweater for Ali. I want something easy on and off for her so xrays will be easier if they want to check her hip out. I hope that this gods smoother than the police station. Honestly that's probably part of why she's so nervous. I need to be a bit softer about it. I'm just so worried about her.

"Baby. Come here." I sit next to her and as she scoots towards me I wrap my arms around her.

"I am sorry for being pushy. I just want you to be okay. I promise I will hold you hand every step of the way this time. It won't be like last night." I say holding her carefully.

"Promise?" She asks softly.

"Cross my heart." I start.

"And it's okay to tell me when I'm being over bearing." I assure her.

"You aren't, really. It's just hard for me. I'm not used to this." She says nuzzling deeper into my shoulder.

"Used to what exactly?" I ask.

"Kindness. Care. Stability." She says. It breaks my heart.

"Alison, you always should have had those things. I'm only trying to treat you the way that you've always deserved." I say.

"You're so perfect." She whispers into my ear before kissing the lobe tenderly.

"Mmm... That's my spot." I mumble deeply.

"Well, I will have to keep that in mind." She smiles at me.

"I'm going to go get dressed now. Thank you for dinner it was amazing as usual." She kisses the top of my head and goes to get dressed.

"Can we talk about something on the way?" She asks me upon returning. I freeze. Even with the plethora of things that I know we need to discuss every hair on my arms and neck stands on end.

"Of course." I say with a casual smile.


	5. Home

**Sorry for a short chapter, it just seemed like the right stopping point. The next one will be up shortly! I love hearing what everyone thinks about the story, thank you so much for your continued support!**

I open the car door for her and she kisses me a thank you. My mouth barely responds. I'm scared. I climb into my driver's side and start the car. Instinctively I reach for the stereo and she switches it off. I keep my eyes on the road. I can tell she's hesitant to start speaking. It's okay. I'm hesitant to start listening.

"I don't even know where to begin. There is so much we need to talk about." She starts.

"Yup." I say. I don't know what I'm so afraid of. Maybe that she'll hurt me again. Maybe that she needs more than I can give.

"Maybe we could start with how long I'm allowed to stay with you? I don't want to put you out or anything." She says and I feel my heart tearing.

"When did you want to leave?" I ask pointedly. She opens her mouth to respond then pauses to try to read my expressions.

"I don't. I don't want to leave, Em. I just don't want you to feel like you have to house me just because we're involved now. I don't want you to feel stuck with me or something." She says grabbing my hand I lightly hold it back, scared to hold her too tightly.

"You don't have to leave then. It's whatever you want." I say. I don't mean to be cold, I'm just so afraid that she's only doing this because she thinks I want it. It's hard for me to trust that someone as amazing as her would love ne.

"What do you want? That's all I'm asking." She is slightly frustrated, I don't blame her.

"I want you to stay. I've wanted to make a home with you since I can remember." I finally divulge.

"Then I'm staying. I want it to be our home Em. I've wanted that too." She smiles now.

"You promise?" I ask, pulling into the hospital.

"I promise. When I say I'm going home there's no place I'd rather go than to wherever you are." She says. Even I have to smile at that.

"I'm sorry for being edgy. I just don't want to lose you again." I say squeezing her hand and shutting off the engine.

"You won't." She kisses me harder than I expect.

"Now let's go get you taken care of."


	6. Drive

"It's only for a couple of months. You're going to be fine." I assure the pouting girl on our way inside.

"But how am I supposed to explain this to people?" She protests.

"Ali, it will be no harder than explaining your black eye or your inability to properly use your arm." I say honestly.

"But it's so itchy." She sticks her lip out.

"Well it's better itchy than it not healing right." I say stepping to the freezer while she flops on the couch.

The x rays determined that her wrist only had a hairline fracture, thin enough that a cast wasn't necessary but she has to wear a brace for two months. Her hip wasn't fractured but had dislocated and popped back into place so quickly that it caused slight swelling which should go down soon. Luckily Alison is an insurance agent so she has awesome coverage. She works on the lower income side of town so her pay isn't ideal but the benefits are great and she likes helping people who need it.

"What are you going to do about work?" I ask lightly as I scoop some chocolate hazelnut gelato into a bowl for her.

"I called them earlier. They told me I could work from home as long as I need to. But, that brings me to another uncomfortable subject. When can we go get some of my things?"

"I'm glad they're working with you. And how about I head over there tomorrow. It's Sunday so I'm free. When would Lorenzo be out?" I ask.

"Can we please not say his name?" She requests.

"Of course, I'm sorry honey." I say sitting next to her and handing her the bowl I dished for her trying to let her eat first and resist the urge to dive in.

"You know how to speak my language." She smiles enjoying a large bite of the dessert.

"You're the one who got me hooked on this stuff in the first place." I remind her.

"It's good you can't be mad about that. And he'll be out of the house from around one to eleven." She is always doing that, sliding difficult to discuss things into everyday discussion like it's nothing.

"I'll go get what I can tomorrow. I think you should stay here. I don't feel safe with you being there." I say hoping she'll be understanding.

"To be honest, I don't want to go. I'm worried about you going too though. What if he comes home?" She says already finished with her gelato.

"I'll be fine." I say.

"I know you will. Until someone finds his body and you end up in jail." She says taking my bowl and stacking it with hers on the coffee table. I laugh.

"You know me too well." I smile as she lays me down and climbs on top of me.

"Mmhmm." She mumbles while kissing my earlobe.

"Mmm... That feels good baby." I whisper.

She trails the kisses from my ear to my jaw and then down my neck. My hands are in her hair and I love feeling her weight on top of me. She makes me feel warm and secure. She kisses her way back up to my mouth and for the first time since we've been together her tongue slides into my mouth. Our mouths move together in a way that I've only dreamt of. I run fingertips over the exposed skin on the small of her back. The faint taste of chocolate on her lips makes it all the sweeter. I hold her face tenderly on the uninjured side. I can't get enough of this woman. She kisses me firmly once more and pulls away just far enough to study my face. We're both breathless. I see on the clock behind her that almost an hour had passed.

"I could kiss you forever. I haven't felt this way since high school. Ever really." I say.

"Couldn't agree more." She smiles.

"I want you to take me to bed." She says suddenly and nervously.

"Are you sure? That's a big step." I say running my hand over her hair.

"Bigger than moving in together and having a baby?" She asks with a sly smile and raised eyebrow.

"I guess we have gotten things a bit backwards." I laugh.

"We don't have to go all the way tonight. To be honest I haven't been with anyone since this," she says pointing to her belly, "and I can't remember the last time that I was truly _intimate_ with someone. But I want to feel you Em. I want to be close to you. I want you to make me feel good." She says kissing my lips softly again.

"You didn't sleep with, _him_ , when he got back?" I ask,my surprise making me forget my manners.

"He told me I didn't deserve it." Her lip quivers.

"Oh baby, here, let me take care of you. I'm going to show you just how good you deserve to feel." I kiss her deeper and take her hand leading her to our bed.

I knew she wasn't really ready for everything and so we didn't go there. But, what we experienced together was still more intense and beautiful than all my other encounters combined. I thought that having loved Alison for so long that I knew the extent of what it was like. But every moment, and especially last night, I am shown something new and beautiful and it drags me deeper and deeper.

"Thank you for last night." She whispers into my chest as we stir awake.

"What do you mean? I enjoyed myself too." I say.

"For being so gentle and understanding with me." She says.

"I'll always be gentle with you. You know, until you don't want me to." I say nibbling at her finger as it traces my lips.

"Ooh, I like the sound of that." She giggles.

"Can I ask you something?" I ask cautiously.

"Of course. I can't promise that I'll be ready to answer but I can try." She says intertwining her legs with mine.

"Was _he_ always like that with you? I just don't understand how it all started." I ask softly caressing her bare shoulder and arm.

"When we first started he was nice to me. And at the time I felt pretty unlovable so when he was so eager to show me love I thought that he must be worth something. He was so presumptuous and pressuring though. His hopes were so high that I felt wrong to say no to him. I tried to push him away for awhile but he persisted. I feel like I was conned into the relationship. I was on autopilot for so long that then I just had to try to make it work. But, this was the first time he really hit me. The bruise on my back was from a week or so ago, he pushed me and I fell. Usually he'd just yell or use psychological and emotional games on me. Telling me I didn't deserve him, that I was gaining too much weight. He'd withhold attention and affection from me. I'd try to hold his hand or kiss his cheek and he'd just act so disgusted." Her voice cracks then and I hold her face to my chest.

"It's okay honey, you're okay now. I'm so sorry. You don't have to talk anymore." I whisper letting her cry.

"I love you, Emily." She says suddenly. It's the first time she's said it since her initial confession. I don't know why but a wave of anxiety rushes over me.

"You too." I manage to force out through my tightened throat. She doesn't look entirely satisfied so I kiss her mouth.

"What do you want for breakfast?" I ask.

"You don't have to always cook for me." Says nuzzling into my neck.

"I know I don't have to, I want to." I kiss her head and get out of bed and head to the kitchen.

Today she's having eggs with basil, spinach, and sun dried tomatoes and biscuits with honey and sweetened condensed milk. I mix up a vanilla protein shake for her too. I don't know what happened to me back there. I do love her. I've always loved her. Why can't I say it anymore?

"Breakfast is ready!" I shout dishing some for both of us.

"Smells amazing!" She says coming in wearing only the baggy T-shirt I had carelessly thrown the floor last night.

"I could get used to this living together thing." I say pulling her close to me.

"Me too, I feel like I'm eating like a queen." She smiles kissing my cheeks.

We sit down to eat.

"So I got a few texts from the girls the past couple days and I was wondering what you wanted to tell them?" I ask lightly as she devours her meal.

"Oh god I know Aria tried to call me yesterday and I sent it to voicemail. To be honest I'm not entirely comfortable with this whole baby thing yet myself, I mean I'm just now starting to show a bit. I'm terrified and telling people just makes it even more real." She says between bites.

"Thank god you said that cause so am I." I say feeling a sense of relief.

"Babe I didn't know you were feeling that way. Are you okay? Are you having second thoughts?" She asks pausing.

"No not second thoughts. I am second guessing my capabilities but I'm in this." I say rubbing her back.

"It's going to be okay. You're the best care taker that I've ever met Emily. You're better suited for the job than even me." She says leaning her head in my shoulder, already finished with her food while I still have half a plate.

I can't ask her. I can't ask what my job in this baby's life will be. If she wants me to adopt the baby. I'm so scared. I don't know if I am more afraid that she will say that she wants me to adopt the baby or that she won't.

"I don't want to tell them yet though if that's okay. We can tell them about what happened with him and between us but if we can leave the other part out that would be great if that's okay." She says.

"Yeah that's great. I am really excited to hear what they all say... I know Aria will be super supportive and excited for us." I start.

"And Spencer will warn you about my track record and the risks of jumping into it so quickly." She says.

"And Hanna will squeal and ask if we've done it yet." We both laugh.

"I miss them." I say sadly clearing the dishes.

"Me too. I hate how much time we all lost." She says looking away. I kiss her worried mouth.

"Breakfast was great. Do you have any more avocados?" She asks. I laugh and go retrieve the bag of ten avocados I had picked up from the store. She laughs.

"Can I have one?" She asks.

"This is your house now too. You don't have to ask. What's mine is yours." I say slicing one in half for her and tossing the pit. I slide it to her with a spoon.

"I'll get the groceries next time okay? No arguments I need to contribute. Plus I'm going to be eating you out of house and home." She laughs putting her hands on her tiny bump. If you didn't know you'd think that she was just a bit bloated. She finishes the avocado in four bites. That baby is hungry!

"Do you think you could draw me another one of those magic baths?" She asks pulling me closer by my jacket.

"Of course. I'll do that and then finish up my paper I have for class tomorrow. And then I will head over to get your things, can you make a list of the most important things so I can make sure to get them?" I ask. She nods and we head to the bathroom. I get the bath going and see her struggling with her medicated eye drops that they gave her.

"Here." I say stepping to her and taking the bottle.

"Lean back and look to the side. I'm going to just keep them coming you just open your eye when you're ready to let them in." I say evenly. I drop a steady stream onto her swollen eye and she slowly blinks them in letting it rinse away all the stuff that she hasn't been able to get rid of with regular blinking.

"There." I say handing her a tissue.

"You're so good at taking care of me." She holds the tissue to her eye and kisses me.

"Pretty sure it's what I was made to do." I smile and head to the living room to type out my paper.

I have it all finished in writing but just need to get it typed out. I try not to think about the task I have following this. I mean, what if he does show up? I'll lose my mind. I always hated that guy. From the beginning he preyed on Ali's insecurity and acted like him showing interest in her was a service. I should have seen this coming. I should have said something sooner. I feel like I failed her already.

"Babe." She says, her hand on the back of my neck startling me.

"Oh, hey, are you already done?" I ask pushing my laptop away.

"Already? I soaked for forty five minutes and showered and made the list of things I need from the apartment." She says with a mix of confusion and concern. I glance to my screen and see I've barely gotten anything typed.

"Here. I'll take the laptop, I will type this up and edit it for you. You go get changed and when you're ready, you can go get my stuff." She says sliding into the couch and taking my computer from me.

"You don't have to do that." I start to protest.

"I want to. It's the least I could do." She says smiling. I smile back and kiss her cheek.

I take a quick shower and love how the whole shower smells like Ali. I love having her here. Which I suppose is good since that's how it's going to stay. Honestly it feels comfortable though. Like its been years not days. The thing that makes it feel crazy is the second roommate that I'll be meeting in six short months. I shake the thought, it's too much right now.

I dress and grab a few duffle bags and a roll of trash bags. I want to get as much as possible in one go so we don't have to go back anytime soon. I consider putting my switchblade in my pocket but think better of it. I'd do less time if I kill him with my bare hands.

"Here, Em." Ali hands me a list.

"Okay, thank you. Are you going to be okay here by yourself?" I ask holding her hands.

"Yeah. Hungry and worrying about you but okay." She smiles, worry evident in her face.

"Well I can fix one of those problems." I smile and walk to the kitchen. I hand her the praline nut mix I bought for her

"You're the best!" She says excitedly kissing my mouth.

"Tonight is lentil soup. You need the folic acid, your vitamins will be here tomorrow, I forgot they don't ship on Sunday." I say.

"Yes Dr. Fields." She rolls her eyes.

"Now is not the time for your fantasies young lady" I tease. She swats my arm.

"I'm going to go." I say with my hands around her waist. She gets suddenly serious.

"Maybe I should go with you. Or is there someone you could call to go with you? I'm just so scared for you." Her eyes get glossy.

"I'll be alright. I promise baby. In and out." I smile and hug her tightly.

"I need you to be okay. No more taking risks or playing hero." She whines into my shoulder.

"I can't promise that I won't take a risk if it means taking care of you and the baby. I'll be careful but you two are my top priority." I tell her seriously. She looks at me in awe.

"I'm dating wonder woman." She says.

"Hush your mouth, you know I'm partial to Batwoman." I smile before placing a quick kiss on her mouth and grabbing my keys.

"I love you." I hear her call behind me. I pretend to be out of earshot.

Even though it's so close I take my car so that I have more room to take stuff. Her list is short: her laptop, jewelry box, clothes and her photo albums. I have to admit that I'm a little nervous. Both of having to interact with _him_ and with having to look at the life they'd created together. It was always hard imagining and seeing them together but now that I actually have so much to lose, the thought is terrifying.

I pull my car into the alley beside their building and kill the engine. He has to pay big money for street access. His car is gone and I feel a bit better. I use the key she gave me and enter. He's cleaned up the mess that he made but everything else looks like shit. Dishes have piled up, laundry is overflowing. It's just dirty enough that I don't want to touch anything. It all seems pretty normal for a bachelor I suppose. I grab her laptop and charger off the coffee table and put it in the duffle. I see her cell charger in the wall and grab that too. That's when I go to the bedroom.

On what I can only assume is his side of the bed I see tissues and all of the framed pictures that had been about the house all in a pile like he's been crying over them. There is a pile of pillows where she would have slept next to him. I'm not entirely sure what I expected but it certainly wasn't this. I guess I had spent so much time knowing that he's a monster that I forgot that it must have stemmed from some sort of love to begin with. Sick, deranged love, but love. I of all people know that Alison is not an easy person to lose. I'm very glad that she isn't here.

I take a trash bag and fill it with clothes. I fill two more. I fill the other duffles with various electronics and her photo albums and books. I grab her make up and perfumes. I carry her jewelry box separately, I know that she cherishes it. I notice crumpled up next to the pictures then a little piece of paper. I'm a strong willed person but all the fight in the world would have proven futile here. I pick it up and open it.

 _L-_

 _Just wanted you to know how much I love and appreciate you. I love my life now that you're in it and can't imagine it any other way. You make me feel better than anyone ever has. I'm so excited to start a life with you._

 _Love always,_

 _Your Alison_

My lip quivers as I crumple the note and throw it back into his pile of mementos. I hold it all in as I gather everything up and with a new ferocity toss it all into my car. I shut my phone off. And then I drive right past my apartment. I drive and drive and drive. I don't know where I'm going, and I don't know that I care. Because I can't fight these tears anymore and I sure as hell can't face her.


	7. Never Get Too Far

I can't help but remember as I drive through the country. I remember how it felt to love Alison so much that you thought you must be going crazy. Remember shaking so hard you think you may have something wrong with you just because her hand brushes yours. God it was so intense. Even when she got back and I was supposed to hate her, I couldn't help but watch her every movement. When she told me that she had had feelings for me, I wanted to attack her in kisses but instead reacted coldly. I knew I couldn't resist for long. Once everything went down and I ended up with Sara and she ended up with _him_ I just wrote it off and filed it away under "things that you'll always want but will never happen" and now I'm thinking that maybe it should have stayed there. That letter didn't sound like someone who was conned into a relationship. So why would she lie? If she's playing games again, I can't do it, not this time. Losing another of Alison's games may actually kill me.

I realize how soaked my jacket sleeve is from my tears. I'm not usually like this. I'm stronger than this. I catch my own eyes in my rearview mirror and pull my car over. I stare at the dark circled reflection. Haven't you grown up at all, Emily? I wipe my eyes hard with a napkin from my glove compartment. It's time to turn around and face this like an adult. No more running.

I turn my car around and have to put my address into my GPS as I have no idea where I've taken myself. The sun is setting and the entire sky is pink with orange streaks. It's truly beautiful. When _he_ left I remember Ali calling me crying. I picked her up and drove to this place that overlooks the town and we sat on the hood of my car watching the sun go down. She had her knees to her chest and our pinkies interlocked. I'll never forget how much prettier the sun looked reflecting in her eyes. I've met some great people in my life, but she is by far the most beautiful to me.

After what feels like forever I pull into my usual parking spot. I don't bother taking Ali's things with me. I take the steps to my second story apartment two at a time. It doesn't matter; she's running out the door and into my arms. I hold her tightly no matter how angry I am.

"Oh god, you're alright! Where have you been, I thought something had happened!" She's shouting as I lead her into our apartment and shut the door. She's been crying.

"Alison, I need you to tell me you want this." I say and she begins to speak and I hold my hand up.

"I mean, that you want this no matter what. I can't do this if I'm your second choice. I need to know that between the two of us you want me. Not because he's not an option and I am." I demand more firmly than I intended to.

"Emily, you're my dream. Of course I want you. Where is this coming from?" She asks knowing that I'm keeping something from her.

"I saw the letter you wrote him. I saw it Ali." I say tears of anger flowing.

"What are you talking about?" She asks.

"The one where you tell him how much you love him, how he makes you feel better than anyone else. How you can't imagine your life any other way." I'm holding my head in my hands.

"Why would you read that? I didn't even know he kept it." She says quietly.

"This morning you told me you never wanted to be with him. But that letter sure sounded like you did. If this is a game Alison, I can't take it." She gets serious then and steps towards me.

"How dare you Emily. You know me better than that. Do you want to know when I wrote that letter? Want to know?!" Her voice is shaking and she points an accusatory finger in my face. I can't find my voice.

"It was when I found out that you and Sara were together through _Aria._ You couldn't even tell me yourself. I had kept _him_ at arm's length just waiting for you to come back to me. But then you went with her. So I decided that if you could move on so could I. That is when I gave him that letter and when I gave into him. You aren't the second choice, he was!" She spits every word at me. I can't look at her. Her anger suddenly breaks into tears and she leans on the back of the couch.

"I thought you were hurt Emily. Or that you'd finally gotten wise and left me." She cries sliding to the floor and covering her face.

"No, baby no." I say finally. I lean down to my knees in front of her.

"I'm sorry Alison. I'm so sorry. I'm just so scared. I'm so scared all the time. And this all happened so fast that I don't think that I've had time to process it yet." I put my arms around her.

"Do you think I'm not scared? It's okay to be scared but you can't run from me. We need to be in this together." She cries.

"I know. I won't run from you again. I'm so sorry." I hold her tightly and soon she gives in and clings to me. I hold her to me until I feel her tears stop and her body relax. Within a half hour she's laying with her head in my lap and I'm playing with her hair.

"I bet you're hungry." I say lightly. She perks up like an eager dog.

"Starving!" She exclaims.

"There is a food truck up the street, let's go." I smile.

"Burgers and fries don't sound like they're high in folic acid Dr. Fields, are you sure it's allowed?" She mocks.

"Hey you can't be upset because I care. I just want you two to be as healthy as possible. But sometimes if you want complete junk food then that's what you'll get." I say, wondering if I'm too forceful with my care sometimes.

"You're very sweet. But yes I don't care what I have tonight, but I want it to be battered and deep fried." She says holding my chin in her hand and kissing my mouth.

"You know I never could get too far from you." I say seriously as she searches my face.

"You better fucking not." Her warning reminds me of the Ali I knew years ago, and strangely that's a good thing right now. Because that's the girl that I fell in love with and it reminds me that I will never fall out of love with her.


	8. The Supportive One

**Hello everyone! I just wanted to take a moment to thank all of you, every one of you who has followed, favorited, or reviewed my story! It mean the world to me to know what you guys are thinking about the story, I am always so excited to see that review alert pop up on my phone!**

The following day after my classes I took Alison over to the apartment to get her car. The freedom and independence of having it here paired with her having her laptop and being able to work have given her such a new light. She's still nervous, still has dark days and shuts down from time to time but they are far fewer and less severe typically. We've successfully survived two weeks together and seem to be getting the hang of things. The awe of her being here and loving me has certainly not worn off a bit.

"Hey, you let me sleep in so late." She mumbles shuffling out to meet me on the couch.

"You seemed tired. And besides it's Sunday and you should always be able to sleep in on Sunday." I lift an arm for her to snuggle under and slide my computer off of my lap. Homework can wait.

"Do you have plans for Tuesday?" I ask.

"I have some work, which I can do from here, but other than that nothing."

"Well, I was looking and there is a birthing center just on the edge of town and I thought that we could check it out then and get an ultrasound, just check up on you and little one." I say pulling the site up on my computer. She looks ambivalent.

"I know it's scary baby, but we need to check on you guys. Not checking on the baby won't make it go away, it will only put you guys at risk." I say smoothing her hair to sooth her nerves.

"If you think it sounds like a good place then yeah we can do that. For the record, you sound like Spencer." She says distastefully.

"She taught me all about logical discussion." We laugh.

"What do you want for breakfast love?" I ask her and look at her face. It's so nice to see both of her eyes fully open. The bruising has faded to mostly browns and yellows now.

"Peanut butter." She says.

"Peanut butter and what?" I ask giggling

"Nothing, just peanut butter." She's adamant.

"I wondered when this weird baby stuff might start." I say fetching the jar and a spoon.

"It's not that weird." She says with that old Ali fight in her eyes.

Somehow we've accidentally managed to keep the girls in the dark about us. I think we both got a bit freaked out after the running away incident and decided that we needed to focus on working things out between ourselves first. I'm getting pretty excited to tell them though. Spencer and Toby would probably fly out for an immediate double date to make sure that everything is okay between us. Aria has been single for the past year but I know that her support is undying no matter what we do. Hanna and Caleb are more off than on these days but somehow it's what works for them.

"Do you think maybe we could tell the girls soon?" I ask, knowingly handing her a glass of milk to help wash down the peanut butter.

"I'd like to, yeah. What's the game plan?" She asks after drinking at the milk furiously.

"Well I figure that we should tell them about us and everything as soon as possible, and then after we get you guys checked out and they've processed us then we can announce little one? I mean... Not that I've thought about it or anything." I try to act casual and fail miserably.

"Yeah, clearly. How do we decide who tells who?" She asks.

"Actually, I haven't thought about that." I say running my fingers through my hair.

"Maybe we could just tell whoever talks to us first? Like if Hanna texts you you'll tell her and if Aria calls me I'll tell her? Except Spencer. You tell Spencer." She says.

"I thought you guys had passed all of that." I say looking skeptically at her.

"We have. I just know that she's fiercely protective, especially over you. And I mean I don't blame her. She has a lot of reason to be afraid of us dating." She says trying not to be sad remembering our past.

"It's in the past now baby. We are in the now. She'll come around." I assure her.

"I'll never stop being sorry about what I did to you though." She touches my lips. I kiss her fingertips.

"I will take care of Spencer. We will see about the other two. Have you told Jason?" I ask.

"I don't know how without him killing someone. He can get scary." She says.

"Oh, I know. I mean, we thought that he was A for a minute." I say.

"Wrong sibling." She smiles. I'm glad that she has dealt with the Charlotte situation enough to talk and joke about it now. It will be another year before she's allowed visitors.

"He's going to be thrilled that we're together though, Charlotte too. My whole family really adored you actually." She says thoughtfully.

"Well I'm glad. My mom sure had a lot of questions but she's excited too." I smile.

My phone rings and the name Aria Montgomery pops up on the screen along with a picture of us in ugly Christmas sweaters from two Christmases ago. I look to Ali and she looks like a deer in headlights. I smile.

"Here goes nothing." I say walking to our room and shutting the door behind me.

"Aria, hey!" I say trying to sound casual.

"What's going on?" She demands immediately.

"What? Seriously? All I said was hey." I laugh at her insane perceptiveness.

"You and Ali have be super weird and you haven't called me and your voice did that weird wavery thing that you always do when you're about to drop some news so spill." She may be small but she's so feisty.

"Well, I did have some things to talk to you about. Starting with the fact that about two weeks ago Alison moved in here." I start.

"Wait, what? What about Lorenzo?" She asks confused.

"Well they broke up. Some things went down, Ar. Some bad things." I try to prepare her.

"What kind of things?" She asks.

"It turns out that things weren't quite what they seemed. He hadn't been treating her right for a long time and they got into an argument and he ended up hitting her. A few times." I say, pained by the memory. The phone is silent and I know her hand is over her mouth.

"I-is she okay?" She says softly. I can tell she's choked up.

"She is getting there. Most of her physical wounds look much better. She's still got a lot to work through but she's going to be okay." I say.

"Where is Lorenzo? Did you get him? Did you fuck him up?" Her voice is sedated anger. I'm sure she's wringing her hands in fury.

"We attempted to press charges but the process proved to be more traumatic than what it was worth. She did get a restraining order though. And trust me, it's all I can do every day to not head over there and give him a taste of his own medicine." I say glancing over to where I keep my knives.

"He's not in jail? How can that even happen." She demands.

"The system is eternally fucked. I guess we should have learned that in high school right?" I say. Of all people we should have been the last to be surprised when it turned out that the cops weren't the good guys.

"I guess." She says sadly.

"Do you want some good news?" I ask trying to lighten the mood.

"Yeah, I could use that" she says.

"Alison and I aren't just roommates." I can't think of a good way to tell her.

"Oh my god. Did she finally tell you!?" She asks sounding suddenly giddy.

"What? You knew?" I ask.

"Duh. One: I'm Aria remember? I know all. Two: she's super obvious. Three: she got trashed and told me she loved you like six months ago." She lists.

"And you didn't tell me!?"

"Honey, it wasn't my place and she didn't even remember the next day so I just tried to wait it out. I knew that you'd end up together eventually. Wish I had said something now, maybe it would have saved her from this." Aria always has been so sensitive when it comes to us girls.

"You couldn't have stopped anything. Whatever will be will be. You taught me that." I smile a bit hoping to alleviate some of what's she's feeling.

"I'm just so happy that she has you to take care of her. I love you guys." She says. I can practically see her wiping her eyes with the back of her thumbs and pulling herself together.

"I love you too." I smile feeling an ache of guilt with how easy it was to say to her when I can't even tell Alison.

"Can I let you go to call her? I just need to hear her voice to know that she's okay." She says still not sounding content.

"Of course, I completely understand."

"You take care of yourself too Emily, I know how you are. You sacrifice everything to make sure those you love are okay but sometimes all that we need is for you to be okay. Call me if you need anything at all." She does know me all too well.

"I'll try. I'll call you soon so we can catch up on better circumstances." I say.

"I'd love that, I miss you, I'll visit soon. Love you." She says again.

"Love you too." I smile and hang up.

I walk out to the living room to see Ali reading as usual. I ordered her some books to hold her over until we can get more of her stuff. She looks so cute when she's absorbed into something that she loves. She consumes literature like water.

"Hey you, Aria's going to call you in a minute."

"Is she okay?" She asks marking her place and setting her book aside.

"Yeah, she just wants to make sure you're okay. She cares a lot for you." I say rubbing her shoulders.

"That feels good thank you. She always helps me through things. I've missed our talks." She says leaning into me. Her phone goes off and though we knew it was coming, it still startles us.

"I'm going to go take this." She says kissing me deeply.

I smile and let her go to the bedroom. I finish my homework for the week and clean what I can of the apartment. Everything looks pretty good so I get some lentil soup going in the crock pot and head out to the store. I'm glad she's occupied because I have a little project that I want to work on.

I pick up what I need and drop some forms off at the school for next week's swim meet and then head home. I've been gone for an hour and she is still shut in our room and I can hear her talking. I go ahead and take the next forty five minutes to finish up my surprise and have to rush the last bit hearing her wrap things up with Aria. When she finally exits the room she smiles from ear to ear.

"Emily!" She starts but she tears up.

"Do you like it?" I ask nervously.


	9. May I Kiss You?

**Hey guys! Just fair warning there is sexual themes to this chapter, nothing explicit but if that makes you uncomfortable you may want to skip this chapter. I got the title for this chapter from the song Beautiful by Meshell Ndegeocello and I listened to it while writing this so I highly recommend listening to it while you read it! Hope you enjoy!**

"Like it? Emily no one has ever done anything like this for me before." She has her arms open as she walks to me and wraps them around my neck.

I had dozens of pictures of us printed and then put them in various frames. I then hung them scattered along one wall sort of in a wave pattern. They start with us as kids when we first became friends. Some from birthday or slumber parties. Then the ones from high school. There are a couple of really beautiful black and white candid shots that Aria had taken. One where we are laughing so hard that she is bent over and my head is thrown back and the other where we are sitting on my bay window looking at each other with serious smiles. I remember that moment so well. Then there are some from the past couple of years. One from our weekend trip to Boston. One at our favorite coffee place. One from a visit at my mom's house. They all lead to two large frames. One is filled with a picture of her sitting on my lap and me kissing her cheek that I took last week. I chose that one since her bruised cheek is turned away from the camera so she won't be reminded of that once she heals. The other is empty.

She stands with her arms resting on my shoulders and mine around her waist carefully inspecting each photo. She smiles and laughs at some. Some, she has to dry new tears. When she gets to the empty frame she looks at me with questioning eyes.

"Why is that one empty?" She asks.

"Well, I thought that maybe when we go to your ultrasound that we could put our first picture of little one there." I'm nervous of her reaction, she's still having a bit of a hard time with everything. She doesn't react at all at first. Just looks from me to the pictures and back again.

"How did I get so damned lucky." She says holding my face.

"You aren't lucky you're amazing, and you deserve this." I say kissing her over and over.

 _I love you._ I think to myself.

 _I love you, I love you, I love you._ My mouth remains quiet.

She slides her hands under my T-shirt and rests them on my stomach. My abs are even better than in high school and she's definitely noticed. It seems that every time she hugs me anymore her hands either start or end up there. I love it. It makes me feel desired and sexy. The touch of her smooth hands has always been enough to make me come undone.

I was really afraid of how her growing belly would make me feel. But even with how terrified I am, that little baby bump may just be the cutest thing that I've ever seen. I still haven't brought myself to put my hands directly on it or anything but when I'm looking at her it makes me smile. I hope the baby has her chin dimple if nothing else. I find myself wondering what the "sperm donor" looks like. I don't want to ask though, it would only upset her.

"You are so kind, you always have seen the good in me. Even when it wasn't there. That's why you're my favorite." She says as she kisses on my neck. The moment becomes intense quickly.

"It's always been there, always." I say overcome with the lust her mouth is causing against my skin. I pull back and my eyes beg her to let me make love, begging for permission to kiss every part of her.

"Please, Em, take me..." She whimpers as I lift her onto the couch where we finally make love as a couple for the first time.

From her reactions to my gentle touches, to showing her how to please me, to holding eye contact as we reached our limits simultaneously I have never felt so high, and so connected to another human being in my life. She, and this experience, and this connection that we have, it's all just the most beautiful thing to ever happen to me. We ended up wrapped only in a beige throw completely pressed together on the floor.

"I could live here. Right here wrapped around you." She whispers against my collarbone exhausted.

"Me too. Was it okay for you baby?" I ask kissing her hand.

"Are you kidding? Emily, that was like an out of body experience. I was right about you all those years ago." She kisses my breasts.

"But we're not in the sheets." I tease her.

"Well you're pretty sexy in the fleece throw too. Or literally anything at all." She says making me blush.

"I was so scared of disappointing you." I say.

"How? You were incredible and obviously experienced. If anyone could have been disappointing it would be me." She says, her roundabout way of asking for assurance.

"Absolutely no disappointment here. It's hard to believe that that was your first time with a woman." I whisper it in her ear and the way that her hips shift I know that it's turning her on all over again.

"All I want to do is please you. God, I loved it so much." She turns and begins kissing me. I can tell that she wants to start round two but she's just so tired.

"How about we go get in bed. You can sleep for awhile then I'll bring you some soup." I say.

She reluctantly agrees so I suddenly scoop her into my arms. She laughs hysterically wrapping her legs around me as I carry her to our bed and lay on top of her and cover her kiss in fast goofy kisses. She laughs and giggles until tears form in her eyes. I haven't seen her happy like this for years.

"There you are." I whisper as we try to catch our breath, the moment turning serious.

"I missed you Ali." I trace her lips with my thumb.

"I missed me too."


	10. The Nosey One

**Thank you all for your continued support! If there is anything in particular that you want to see or are excited about that is coming let me know, or if you have any ideas!**

"Ali, at some point I really do have to get out of this bed. I know it's crazy but I have class and the school doesn't pay me to have sex with my girlfriend." I say trying desperately to convince myself as much as her. She continues to kiss my stomach.

"That's the dumbest thing you've ever said to me." She says seriously though we both know she's kidding.

"You're killing me." I whisper as her hands continue to wander my body.

"I have to pay you back for last night." She says between kisses on my hips bones.

"I loved every moment of worshipping your body all night long. But, how about we multitask and take this to the shower?" I ask leaning up on my elbows. Her eyebrow shoots up and she immediately climbs out of bed and drags me to the bathroom.

After our shower we eat and I get dressed and ready for class. Thanks to her my English grade has gone from a B+ to a solid A in the past two weeks. She loves editing my work. I already had an A+ in both of my psych based classes and in my physical training class I have an A-. This is the best I've ever been doing in school which is crazy because I was so scared that taking on this whole situation would kill my grades but it's like being a part of a team. She won't stand for seeing me fail.

Both of my classes go well, I got a paper back with a 97% and feel super confident in the test that I took in abnormal psych. I am really loving that class as well as my social psychology class. Sometimes I wonder if I should drop the sports part of my degree and find a different focus. I get out with just enough time to change and head over to the high school. I run some intense drills on the girls, they need to push themselves if they're going to do well at the meet.

"Geez coach, iron fist today!" Grace says as we wrap things up.

"You'll thank me win you sweep state!" I tell her, interrupted by the sound of multiple texts coming to my phone at once.

I look down and see that they are from Hanna. All ten of them.

'Um, excuse me?'

'You and Ali are doing the nasty and I haven't heard about it!?'

'Since when do you make life decisions without me!?'

'You are grounded young lady.'

'I better get the full story in excruciating detail.'

'And I swear if I'm the last to know, I'm kicking every one of your guys' asses.'

'I mean it.'

'Not really.'

'Also thank you for taking care of Alison, she needs you right now. Also congrats!'

I laugh, typical Hanna. I will have to call her later. She used to be my best friend when Alison was gone. We will still always have something special. No one can get me laughing like her. I feel bad for neglecting the girls but I've been pretty wrapped up with everything with Alison. I'm sure that they all understand, I'm lucky to have them.

Two down, one to go.


	11. The Skeptical One

"I take it you told Hanna?" I ask Alison as I set my things down and flop onto the couch next to her.

"Yeah, she called me earlier between classes. She was more surprised than Aria and of course asked a thousand really embarrassing questions. I miss her comic relief though." Ali says not looking up from her work.

"What's for dinner?" I ask. She hold up a half gone bag of oreos.

"Okay I draw the line, you have to eat more than cookies." I laugh. She immediately whines.

"Oh, my bad for loving the two of you enough to care." I pretend to be offended. She sets her computer aside. She grabs my face with tears in her eyes.

"I love you too." She smiles. I realize what I've said and my heart nearly beats out of my chest. I kiss her to hide my red face. Hopefully that will hold her over for now because I feel like my bones may jump right out of my skin.

"Curried lentils and chickpeas sound okay?" I ask, hoping her cravings will match mine because I'd kill for some Indian food right now.

"As long as I get to finish these oreos I don't care." She says seriously. I kiss her again and head to the kitchen to make dinner.

I've got to tell Spencer after dinner. That way she isn't totally blindsided when we announce the pregnancy. I figure I can tell her tonight, we can check up on the baby tomorrow, and assuming all goes well tell them all after that. I'm really excited but nervous to go public with our relationship. So many people know so much of our business that it could be weird. Also, what if Lorenzo freaks out about it? He knows where I live. But at the same time, I want to shout from the rooftops that Alison Dilaurentis is finally mine. I guess I'll let her handle that.

We eat our dinner and she finishes her oreos happily. I already warned her that I'd be telling Spencer tonight so she knows it's coming. I honestly feel nervous as though I'm confessing something bad, or like I'm being sent to the principal's office. I really do just want to get it over with though. Mostly so that Spence and I can get back on regular speaking terms. We may butt heads sometimes with our mile wide competitive streaks but I know that she loves me, possibly more than anyone else. I shoot her a text.

"Are you busy? I'd like to call you." I say. Ten excruciating minutes later she replies

"Yeah, I just got home from the library, Toby is at work, call whenever you're ready." She replies.

I shut myself in our room and dial her number.

"Hey you." She says clearly smiling.

"Hey Spence, how have you been?" I ask trying to calm the nerves gripping my stomach.

"I can't complain. I've been so busy with school and my internship that mom got me, but things are good. What big news do you have? Your voice is all wavery." She says casually.

"Damn it, why do people keep saying that? Anyway, some stuff went down with Alison. Between her and Lorenzo." I say.

"Is she okay? Are you okay?" She starts asking and I can practically hear the gears turning in her head.

"Well, he has been abusive to her for a long time now and ended up hitting her very badly a few weeks ago. She is healing well but has a long road ahead." I say.

"You didn't kill him did you? Because I have a few years before I pass my bar exam and can get you out of shit." She says making it sound like a joke but I know she's at least a little serious.

"Nope, the bastards walking free. But Ali is living here." I say nervously.

"Of course he is, they probably claimed that she was being crazy and attacking him when she was injured didn't they!?" She exclaims knowing the system all too well.

"Essentially." I say. There is a pause.

"So wait, Alison is living there? Living there how?" She asks cautiously.

"We're together now." I say grimacing. I know there is an inevitable lecture coming.

"Wow. This is a lot of news." She says. I laugh to myself. She has no idea.

"I mean, when did you guys hook up?" She asks.

"Well she told me that part of the reason that he reacted so harshly was that he knew she was in love with someone other than him. And we have been together ever since." I explain.

"Em, are you sure that this is a good time for that? She's got to be pretty messed up right now." I try to reply and she interrupts.

"I mean what, a month ago she was in a committed relationship with someone else and then he leaves and suddenly she's ready for you? I don't mean to be a downer but we both know that you've always been her safe place to land, what if she suddenly doesn't need that safety net?" She continues to ramble.

"Spencer!" I finally yell. She stops.

"Do you think that I haven't thought about all of that? That I'm not scared all of the time? It doesn't matter in the end, because she is the only one for me." I say firmly.

"I'm sorry Emily. I don't mean to make things worse you know how I am. I just love you so much and you have always had trouble thinking things through when it comes to Alison. I support and love you both even if I am worried. I'm here for you both. If she has any legal questions she can call me anytime. Well I mean other than Tuesday through Friday. And Saturday after ten. And Sunday before seven. Or Monday before seven." She starts reeling off her schedule and I laugh.

"I'll have her email you." I stop her.

"God I haven't changed much have I?" She says.

"Not at all." I laugh.

"But I love you just the way you are. Thank you for looking out for me." I say genuinely.

"I love you too, sweet pea." She smiles.

"I miss you." I say quietly.

"I miss you too, so much. Could I come visit soon?" She asks urgently.

"I would love that."

"Great. Well, I'm going to go pick up some dinner for Toby and I."

"Ooh, tell him I miss him and to call me soon, I found this new band he'll love!" I exclaim.

"I will, he asks about you all the time. Bye Em."

"Bye, Spence."

It isn't until I set the phone down that I realize that I'm crying. Maybe because I really do miss Spencer and Toby too. Maybe because because she is right, there is a lot of news to take in right now. And maybe it's because as usual Spencer voiced my deepest fears. That Alison only wants me because she knows she can have me. Maybe it's just because she doesn't want to raise this baby alone.

I feel suddenly nauseated like at the police station and have to swallow hard. I won't let it get to me this time. I try to remember Rebecca's kind words. I breathe deeply until the tears stop. I wipe at them angrily. And wait for the redness to go away. I bury all of those fears and doubts into the pit of my stomach.

"How'd it go?" Alison asks eagerly as I exit the room.

"It went well. She was concerned for you of course and was super understanding about the legal side of things and said that if you have any questions to feel free to email her and that she'll do what she can." I tell her. While my words seem to comfort her a bit she looks unsure.

"How bad was the lecture that she gave you?" She asks.

"She's just worried, about both of us. She loves you too Ali." I assure her and take her hand.

"Not the same as with you. She is so protective of you. Even though she can be such a competitive bitch towards you sometimes. Like she can be mean all she wants but Lord help anyone else who's mean to you." She says clearly more frustrated than I thought.

"Ali, I promise it's okay. She even wants to come visit soon. Would that be okay?" I ask as she climbs into my lap like a little kid.

"Fine." She pouts.

"You guys have been through a lot and you always make it through. I know she forgives more easily when she is the one who has been wronged but I know that when she sees how damn happy you make me she won't be able to not support us 100%." I say and she turns and kisses my mouth so hard.

"How do you always know exactly what to say?" She asks.

"Lucky I guess." I say.

After I reheat some leftovers for Alison and make some popcorn for the two of us we sit down to Netflix. After much debate we settle on RENT. Once the snacks are gone she lays on her stomach on top of me. The weight of her pressing on me makes me feel so secure and loved. I smile. All I can imagine is what would happen if I had a time machine and went back and told young Emily that this is where we'd end up. She'd have never been sad again.

"What are you thinking Em?" She asks noticing that I'm looking at her and not the movie.

"Oh, nothing. Just that after everything that I've gone through, I am getting to live the dream." I smile. She smiles back and stretches far up to kiss me.

"So sweet." She says before snuggling even deeper into me.

This really is the dream. My dream come true.


	12. Tall, Dark, and Handsome

**Hey Everyone!**

 **I just wanted to let you know that just because I don't do a lot of author's notes doesn't mean that I don't hear and appreciate every single one of you! It means the world to me to get feedback and to see that you guys are enjoying the story is even better! I also just wanted to stop by to reassure you all that I take your suggestions and likes and dislikes to heart and use them to steer the story a bit.**

 **Just know that if you have asked about something that you want to happen but it isn't happening yet, it is likely coming! Stay tuned!**

"Ali, I really don't think that the doctor is going to care what you're wearing." I say flopping dramatically onto the bed as she is in her third outfit of the day and holding others up to herself in the mirror.

"Not helping. My clothes are beginning to feel weird on me. Besides, we can't all be as naturally beautiful as you." She winks.

"Oh hush Miss Rosewood Queen Bee. You know you're the pretty one." I say watching her carefully applying makeup. She's gotten really good at covering the remaining bruising on her cheek, she'll probably try going back to work next week.

"You were always the prettiest girl in Rosewood, or anywhere. The only one who doesn't see that is you." She meets my eyes in the mirror and my stomach gets butterflies just like in high school when she'd be getting ready to go out and I'd be watching her. She'll never see just how perfect that she is to me.

"I'd love to sit and argue over who is prettier all day but if we don't leave in the next ten minutes we will definitely be late, I'm going to go make you some breakfast to go, come on out when you're ready." I say kissing the top of her head before heading to the kitchen.

I make her a toasted peanut and banana sandwich and a vanilla protein shake. I am far too nauseated to eat anything. The thought of seeing that tiny heartbeat on a monitor today is terrifying but what is even more terrifying is the thought of not seeing it. She should have gone a few weeks ago to the doctor. I should have made her go sooner. I'm just so scared to push her too hard. She still has such dark moments and they usually stem from feeling overwhelmed or pressured. I'm just constantly nervous that I'm not taking care of her the way that she needs me to.

"Ready as I'll ever be!" She says as she hops out of our room still sliding a brightly colored flat on to her foot. She looks beautiful with her hair curled and makeup all done up. She has some nice slacks on and a pretty white blouse with some ruffles across the chest.

"Damn, you never get that dressed up to go out with me!" I say, pretending to be jealous.

"Well, as of late our dates have consisted of food truck runs and eating entire bags of oreos on the couch. Sorry I didn't realize that those were formal events." She sasses at me. I feel a pang of guilt.

"Wow you're right. We've been together almost a month and I haven't even taken you out. I'm sorry, I promise that we'll go someplace super fancy soon." I say sadly.

"No, don't feel bad I haven't taken you out either. I am perfectly content staying at home with you, but it would be nice to be able to show off my super hot girlfriend." She smiles and follows me out the door.

"I will never get tired of hearing you say that." I smile linking arms with her on the way to the car.

"I'll just need you to fill out these forms, do you have an insurance card that I can run?" The lady at the front desk smiles.

"Absolutely." Ali gives her award winning smile back but I can tell that she is nervous.

The lady starts putting Ali's information in and we sit down with the clipboard. She immediately starts filling out her information. I guess the good thing about her sister being A is that with all of the investigations she knows an incredible amount about her family history. She gets to the paternal section and stops. She scans down to physical attributes and circles caucasian. The paper asks for all sorts of information about diseases and such and she freezes.

"I don't know any of this. I never thought about how important it could be." She says quietly.

"Well we will get the little one tested for all sorts of genetic markers when the time comes. But honestly I don't care if they're predisposed to having three heads and purple skin, we're going to love them no matter what." I say with my arm around her. She looks at me with a smile.

"Actually I can tell you they're predisposed to having dark skin and dark hair. Like you." Alison says. I'm glad I didn't have to ask.

She scratches out what she had written in the paternal section and under name she puts Emily Fields. I laugh slightly but she remains serious. She looks at me with tears in her eyes.

"I don't care who helped me make this baby. You are the only daddy they'll ever know. I know that I've been too messed up and focused on fixing myself to show you just how much you mean to me, but I hope that you understand how much I love you, and that I wouldn't be able to trust anyone with my baby but you." She says seriously. Tears sting my own eyes and I suddenly feel like a weight has been placed on my chest. I've never felt such simultaneous happiness and sheer terror.

"Alison DiLaurentis?" I young woman in scrubs comes out of the office to call for her.

We both smile at her and follow her back. first they check her height which hasn't changed since the ninth grade, today is no different. Still 5' 6". They get her weight and Alison's eyes nearly bug out of her head. She looks at me and then to the scale. And then to the nurse. And then to the scale.

"Wow." She says distastefully.

"Haven't seen a scale since the bun was in the oven?" The nurse asks with a knowing smile.

"Nope." She says.

"Yeah, I get this reaction sometimes. Your body is going to be changing mama. And that's okay." The nurse pats her arm.

"Maybe a few less oreos." She mumbles to me as we are directed to an office where the nurse instructs Ali to change into a paper gown.

"Honey your body has a growing body in it. Did you really think that you wouldn't gain any weight?" I ask.

"I know, I know, it wouldn't even matter if it did I just wasn't expecting that much is all." She says obediently changing.

She sits on the uncomfortable paper covered bench while I sit in a chair nearby. We don't talk but it is comfortable silence. She looks over to me from time to time and smiles. I wonder what she'll want to name the baby. I wonder if I will get a say in it. I hadn't really thought about it in recent years. Of course when I was young and constantly fantasizing about sweeping Alison off of her feet and starting a family I had all of our future children named. But, now I really don't know. I have tons of names that I like and think are beautiful but I would want a name to mean something. I hope that she has progressed past old Alison in the way of naming things. She was so trendy before I'm sure that we'd end up with some suburban name spelled weird like McKennalynn or Lendsea or Willeum.

"Hello Ms. Dilaurentis. I am Dr. Kline. How are you today?" The late middle age woman asks extending her hand.

"Good, nervous but good." She smiles.

"Oh don't be nervous, I don't bite. and who is this, best friend?" the doctor asks trying to guess turning towards me. I open my mouth to correct her with girlfriend, but Alison takes over.

"Daddy actually." She says winking at me. I blush.

"Emily." I say taking her hand that she has extended to me.

"Hey sounds good to me." Dr. Kline smiles. I am happy that she is going to be okay about it. Just another unfortunate thing to have to worry about when you're outside of "normal"

"How far along are you?" Dr. Kline asks.

"Well conception would have been nearly four months ago." She says shifting on the paper covered seat.

"Alright, and not to sound weird but are you certain about that?" Dr. Kline asks.

"Absolutely." she responds.

"Okay then, you're lucky to know exactly when, most girls come in here without a clue. I assume you'll still want the ultrasound?" Doctor Kline asks as she puts on gloves and begins to check over some of Ali's vitals.

"Yeah, definitely." Ali says immediately.

"Okay, how have you been feeling? Anything unusual?" Dr. Kline asks after taking her blood pressure.

"Other than eating five times more than I usually do not really. I get the occasional headache that goes on for the first hour or so that I'm awake but other than that nothing out of the ordinary." She says.

"No nausea or anything?" The doctor asks.

"Nope, only when I'm really hungry which is most of the time." Ali laughs.

"Lucky duck. Alright, I'm going to start the mammary inspection if you'll just lean back for me." The doctor says. Her casual demeanor has really helped with Alison's nerves.

"Okay and I might as well start getting personal while I'm getting personal huh, how did the biological father come to be? Is it someone that you know?" She asks.

"No, we don't have any history on him." Alison says plainly.

"Any way that you could obtain that?" She asks.

"Nope. What we know is what we know. Baby has a chance at being blonde haired and blue eyed and baby also has a chance to be tall dark and handsome." Alison says, now that she has spoken about the father it seems she is getting more and more comfortable with it. I should have asked her about it a long time ago.

"You like the tall dark and handsome types then, huh?" The doctor looks to me and we all laugh.

"Yeah I guess so." Alison smiles.

"Have you been tested for STDs sweetheart?" The doctor asks cautiously. Her smile is gone. She goes completely pale and I'm sure I do to. It hadn't even occurred to me.

"No. christ I've always been so safe and there was so much else going on I just completely forgot about that possibility." Ali looks at me with wet eyes and then looks away.

"We'll test for them today. I'll need some blood, and a urine sample, and I'll take an extra swab as well. If we find anything, it is going to be okay. Treatment isn't as scary as most people think." The doctor is so calm and reassuring but my heart is still beating out of my chest.

I try to catch her eyes but she won't let me. The doctor does her pelvic exam and takes her swabs. Ali just numbly stares at the ceiling the entire time. She almost looks dead except for her barely open eyes. Dr. Kline pulls out a small cup. She attaches the proper labels and enters some things into the computer.

"Alright sweetheart, go ahead and get dressed, and when you're ready you'll take this and go provide a sample up to the line here and then bring it out to the lady at the desk to your left. She'll direct you on where to go for your blood draw. everything looks great though, all your parts seem to be working perfectly and you are growing exactly according to schedule. do you have any other questions for me?" she asks. Ali just slowly shakes her head.

"Okay then, I will see you in a month, when we get to find out the baby's gender." She smiles warmly and leaves us in the room.

"Hey." I say quietly touching her arm she pulls away slightly and continues getting dressed.

"Ali, would you look at me?" I ask. she remains quiet as she finishes dressing and leaves the room. She left her purse and phone in here so I can only assume that she plans on coming back.

She's gone for what feels like forever. I eventually take her things and step into the hallway where there is a padded bench. I sit down and stare at the ceiling. I'm not even afraid about us having something. If that happens we will take care of it, no big deal. But, what if it is something that affects the little one? Ali will never forgive herself. I know that no matter what happens we'll be okay. I just hope that I can convince her of that.

"Alison!" I call out slightly louder than I intend to when I see her emerge from a small room with a band aid on her arm.

"Well, in one hour we'll know if I've ruined our lives or not." She says attempting to walk right past me.

"Ali wait!" I say grabbing her arm. I pull her close to me and when she still won't look at me I talk softly into her ear.

"Nothing is ruined. If that guy gave you something, and even if you passed it to me, it's okay. I'm not going anywhere. I told you I am in this, I promised not to run away again and I won't, not ever. Now you had better not run either." I say. I feel her go limp against me.

"You may not run, but I would deserve it. I don't deserve the way you love me. The way you always see the good in me. I never have." She says trying desperately not to cry in public.

"Yes you do. And I'm going to spend every day for the rest of my life trying to show you that." I say soothing her worries.

"Do you want to go get something from that cafe cart outside of the lobby while we wait? Your ultrasound is scheduled for an hour and a half from now anyway." I say.

"You can't just keep using food to make me get over things." She half laughs.

"I can and will." I say taking her hand and leading her to the cart.

A few pastries, a lettuce wrap, and a hot chocolate later she is still a bit somber but much less anxious. I have barely let go of her hand. I want her to know how serious I am about staying. I also may need a bit of comfort myself. I don't want to show how scared I am. I can't. I need to be the face of strength so that she knows that everything is alright. It will be alright. It will.

Her phone goes off and she grabs it quickly. She nods to confirm that it is the lab with the test results. She walks away from me briskly to a more secluded area. I watch her. She turns her back to me as she plugs one ear and holds the phone to the other. Damn it Ali, I need to see your expressions. I need to know what's going on. I need to know if we're all okay. I can't approach her, I'm too scared. I just wait. Come on, Ali. Just turn around for me.

Slowly her body turns towards me as the phone falls to her side. I am completely blinded as relief washes over me. She smiles and gives me a thumbs up. We're clean.


	13. Alison DiLaurentis the Second

**Thanks again for all of your encouragement!Sorry this update is a bit shorter, more will be coming soon. As always, any questions, requests, and feedback is encouraged and welcome in the reviews or through a private message!**

"Negative for everything except pregnancy," She pauses dramatically putting on her best mortified expression and grabs my arm, "oh, no, I should have waited until you were sitting to tell you that you knocked me up, you must be so surprised!" She gasps jokingly. I laugh so hard and throw my arms around her. I love seeing her playful and laughing.

"I'm just glad that you two are alright. We have fifteen minutes until your ultrasound, let's head over there." I say still laughing slightly.

We head over to the room that Dr. Kline told us that we would be in with a new pep in our step. We are so elated about the good news that it is helping to distract from the nerves. Ali and I have both been so afraid of this pregnancy seeming real and boy is it about to get real.

"Hi, Alison is it?" A young woman asks checking her chart and inviting us into the little room.

"That's me." She smiles.

"My name is Kendra, I'll be helping you guys today. Is this your first ultrasound?" Kendra asks as she readys the machine.

"Yes, I'm excited to make sure everything is okay." She says.

"What are you, about 12 or 13 weeks?" Kendra asks.

"I should be just short of 14 actually." she says.

"Oh you're lucky, when I was pregnant with Connor I had gained much more weight in my first trimester. You could hardly tell that I had a baby bump because the rest of me bumped up to." Kendra says and they both laugh too. I laugh a bit to be polite but it's kind of weird, this pregnancy thing is something that I have never and may never ever be a part of. It's like their own club.

"And are you two partners?" Kendra asks looking to each of us, clearly trying to pull me into the conversation. We both nervously stammer for a moment.

"Girlfriends, yes." I slightly correct her.

"You guys make a lovely couple." Kendra smiles to us and we thank her and I squeeze Alison's hand. The weird jelly stuff goes on her belly and the machine whirs to life.

"Are you guys ready to meet the baby?" Kendra asks excitedly. We nod nervously.

At first as she moves the little remote looking thing around her belly all I see is white, grey, and black. It all looks the same to me. Just various blobs. I end up leaning closer and closer squinting at the screen when all of a sudden there they are.

"Holy shit! Look at that beautiful baby!" I practically shout. Kendra laughs and so does Ali looking at me shocked. I can't look away from the screen.

"Oh my god, do you see it! Look at that little profile! They're so beautiful!" Tears cover my face. She flips a switch and I start to hear a whirring sound, like aggressive wind or something, but it's so steady.

"Is that? Is that its little heartbeat?!" I exclaim.

"That sure is. They sound wonderful!" Kendra smiles. Ali is crying and quiet. I grab her hand.

"Look at our baby!" I say finally turning to her.

"I love them so much." She says quietly, wiping at her tears.

"Ooh, look right there is a hand, it looks like they're waving to you." Kendra says pointing to the screen. It's so cool you can see every little bone in their tiny hand.

"Hi, Baby! Hello!" I say waving two fingers at the screen. Laughter works its way back into Ali's tears.

"Can you tell what it is?" she asks quietly.

"Well sometimes you can at 14 weeks but they're not giving me any really great angles. You'll be back in a month though right?" Kendra asks. She nods, but I still can't stop staring at the screen.

"We'll be able to tell then. Do you guys have a preference?" Kendra asks us.

"I'll love them no matter what but I find myself referring to them as a her most often." Ali confesses.

"How about you?" Kendra directs the question to me.

"I don't really care honestly. I mean I do understand girls more. But, at the same time, dealing with Alison DiLaurentis 2.0 kind of sounds a bit intense for me." I say jokingly raising my eyebrows. She playfully slaps my arm.

"Oh hush, you'll worship the ground she walks on." Alison says.

"That's the scary part." I say honestly. I actually am kind of pulling for a boy.

"I took some screenshots, the last of which are printing, I made doubles of each one too." Kendra says as she closes everything down.

"Your due date is March 15th." she adds as she hands us the prints and a few towels to clean ali's belly with.

"Thank you so, so much Kendra!" I say.

"No, thank you! People like you are why I do this. You were more excited than anyone I've had in a very long time and possibly ever!" She laughs.

"I just can't believe how perfect they are. I mean, I've seen hundreds of these ultrasound pictures and they all look the same to me, but this is so different." I say staring at the profile again.

"It's amazing what being a parent can do to you." She smiles and glances to Alison who seems to get it. For the first time, I think I am starting to get this parent thing. I actually feel like they are my child. I'm having a child!


	14. Learning to Fall

**Just to clarify, I used 'they' as a gender neutral term, not to indicate multiples.** **Drea82581** **pointed out that it was a bit confusing so I just wanted to explain. Enjoy the next chapter!**

On the way home, her hand is still firmly clasped in mine.

"So I think we should still wait a few days to tell the girls, even though everything checked out alright." Alison says.

"But! I really want to tell them!" I exclaim.

"I know you're excited honey, and I love that. But they already got some big news this week. Let's let them sit on that for a bit and then we can let them in on everything." She says, voice smooth as satin. We both still have dumb smiles on our faces.

"Okay." I reluctantly agree.

"I'm excited too. I'm going to tell Jason everything tonight if that's okay. Maybe go see him. I wouldn't mind a visit to Rosewood anyway. I'm so proud of him." Ali smiles thinking of how far he has come.

Jason runs a real estate business and is very involved with local politics. In fact, everyone is really urging for him to run for mayor after the current one retires in a year. He has such a past that it would be easy for someone to run a smear campaign against him but honestly I don't know that anyone else would even throw their hats into the race with how much he has done for the community. He's always organizing events to boost local businesses and tourism. He has really turned his life around.

"Yeah I think that's a good idea. Maybe wear something baggy so you don't shock him with that belly." I grin at her. She puts her hands on her tummy as I stop the car in front of our apartment.

"I'm really starting to be okay with it. I almost like it even." She smiles.

We step inside and she goes to call Jason while I cut up some veggies for her. The doctor said everything was going well so I want to make sure that doesn't stop. If she thought that I was driven to keep the two of them healthy before she's in for a surprise because now that we have met the little one (sort of) my will to protect them has doubled.

"That was quick." I say as she exits our room and sits down to the breakfast bar to munch on the veggies.

"Yeah I just told him that I had some really big news and that I wanted to tell him in person so I'm going to go see him. I'll probably spend the night if that's okay." She says. She has changed into a tank top and a baggy chunky knit sweater that slides off one shoulder. It successfully hides the baby.

"Honey, you don't need my permission to stay somewhere. Did you want me to come with?" I ask.

"No, I think I better take care of this one. We'll have to go see your mom soon." She says.

"I love how close the two of you are." I smile, unable to keep my hands off of her anymore I come and sit as close as possible with my head on her shoulder.

"Me too. I never thought that I'd be a parent's favorite." She seems genuinely happy thinking about it. She eats the last bit of veggies and cleans up.

"Alright Em, I'll see you tomorrow." she kisses me deeply and heads out the door.

Suddenly the apartment feels suffocatingly quiet and cold. Has it always been like this? How did I not notice that something was missing in my life? I have got to fill this time.

I go into cleaning mode. I scour the entire bathroom. I scour the entire kitchen including sorting out the fridge. I sweep and put laundry away. I even dust. I look at my phone and frown. Just over an hour has passed.

I go through the syllabus for each class that I'm in. I find a couple of little projects to start on. I check my grades. No change. I look over my girls' swim schedule and make a couple of alterations. Only half an hour has gone by.

"Are you kidding me!?" I groan as I stand up to pace the room. What did I used to do before Ali moved in?

It dawns on me then: what would I do if she ever did leave me? I mean obviously I was already terrified of that but now that I am actually experiencing the emptiness her absence leaves me with, I am even more sure that I couldn't take it. I pull out my phone.

"Hey girl!" Hanna excitedly answers.

"Hello." I say quietly curled in a ball on the couch.

"Oh honey, what's wrong? Do I need to cut a bitch!?" She says, her tone turning quickly defensive.

"I'm sad and I'm scared and I'm lonely and I'm not used to it." I whine dramatically.

"What happened? Are you and Ali okay?" She asks.

"Yes and that's the problem. Everything is wonderful with her. I've never let anyone in like I have her. I've never..." I pause trying to find the words.

"You've never needed anyone before." She assists me.

"Yes, exactly." I say.

"Em, you're just so independent. Of course you're feeling scared. Not only are you learning to depend on someone and trust them with everything you have, you're doing it under some high stakes and with someone who lets be honest has probably hurt you more than anyone. You'd already written this opportunity off so it's bound to take some time to adjust your mind and your heart to the fact that it's real and it's okay." Her words already are taking the edge off of my nerves.

"But what if it's all for nothing. What if I let her in and learn to share my life with her and then something happens." I hate that I even feel this way.

"It won't. You guys are destiny if I've ever seen it. You'll be okay." She assures me. Hearing Hanna say that after how skeptical she was of her before when she first came back means so much.

"You always know what to say." I tell her sitting up again.

"I know. Maybe I should be like one of those psychotheorist people." She says. I sigh.

"You mean psychiatrist?" I ask knowingly.

"Yeah, yeah." She says.

"So anyways, time to fess up, is Alison as much of a dominant type in bed as she is in real life?" She asks.

"God, Hanna. You're so crass." I say rolling my eyes.

We both laugh and talk for another hour. She fills me in on her and Caleb's latest break up and her internship. We talk about my swim team and school and Ali and I, conveniently leaving out anything about the baby. Which is hard now that I'm so excited. My phone interrupts us to alert me that Jason has texted me so I immediately wrap things up with Hanna.

Jason: Emily, Alison just told me everything. I have known you pretty well all of your life and I could not be happier that you are in my sister's life. I've always considered you family, but now it's just official. If you need anything at all, I'm your brother now. I can't thank you enough for all that you've done.

My eyes well with tears as his words touched me so deeply. I can barely find words to say but I assure him that the pleasure has been all mine and that I couldn't ask for a better brother.

At least I'm not inheriting any crazy in laws considering Kenneth died two years ago. The girls and I along with few of his business buddies were the only people other than Alison and Jason who bothered to show up to his funeral. Lorenzo didn't even show up. I remember wanting so badly to say something that day to her, tell her that he should have been there for her and that she deserved better. Instead I let her cry on my shoulder. I held her hand. I helped Jason take care of all of it so she wouldn't have to. I wish I had just said something then. I guess I just thought that she had enough to deal with.

I'm feeling a bit tired but on the way to the room I realize that I will never be able to sleep in that big bed without Alison next to me. So I sit on the couch and put on old episodes of Gossip Girl and lay down on the couch. The throw smells like her so I wrap up in it. I may be the strong and brave one of our dismantled group in every way except when it comes to Alison. Maybe that's why I love her so much; she allows me to be weak. After three episode I finally feel my eyelids getting heavy but every time I'm nearly asleep, I jolt awake reaching out for her. When I hear the key turning the lock I jump to my feet and grab the baseball bat that I've stashed under my coffee table. Adrenaline rushes through me as I stare wide eyed and ready at the door. The door opens and I yell aggressively, ready to fight. The girlish scream that I hear soon matches my own. Alison looks at me terrified and I drop the bat.

"Ali, I thought you weren't coming home!" I say gripping my chest as my pounding heart threatens to beat right out of it.

"I couldn't sleep without you." She says clearly still on edge.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to scare you. I just still go on the offense sometimes, ever since... Well you know." I say, not wanting to bring Charlotte into it.

"No, I'm sorry I scared you. I just have a hard time with loud noises sometimes still." She sounds so small and I just want to hold her.

"I'm sorry, can I hold you, is that okay?" I know that after any trauma consent can be so important. She nods with tears in her eyes and I grip her to me.

"Oh god. This sounds so dumb but I missed you so much." She says breathing deeply into my neck.

"I missed you too. I realized how empty my life was without you in it. Please don't ever leave me baby." I kiss her neck and jawbone.

"I never will." Her voice turns into a gasp as my tongue hits a particularly tender spot on her neck.

We make love right there in the entryway, much more desperate and intense than ever before. We both _needed_ to show the other how we felt. Our desperation to be closer and closer could never be quenched. And I pray to God that it never will.


	15. We're Having a Baby Bitches!

Nearly a month has passed and the only person who knows about the baby is Jason. He's good at keeping a secret so he wasn't a bad place to start. It's been SO hard holding back. Today, three days before we go back to find out the baby's gender and progress, Alison has given the green light to tell the girls. We scheduled an hour we could all manage and are going to synchronize a video chat. Ali, as usual, is fussing over her makeup in our room.

"Ten minutes, you look beautiful come on!" I shout to her with a smile. I would never admit it but my palms are sweating with nerves as well.

I open the screen and log on. I smooth my hair out. I of course am the first one on. Alison comes and sits next to me. We position the screen so her belly isn't visible. She grabs my hands and I feel her trembling. I smile.

"I remember when you used to make me tremble like this just by giving me a wink." I kiss her thoughtfully.

"You still do sometimes." I say as we pull away.

"Gross get a room!" Aria jokes, I hadn't noticed her log on.

"Hey losers!" Hanna pops up before we can even properly greet Aria.

"Oh my god, Ar, your hair is amazing!" Ali says. Hanna and I agree.

"Ugh, sorry I'm late, I had to stop by my supervisor's office and then traffic was crazy getting home and everything." Spencer frantically rambles.

"Spence, you're one minute late, you're fine." I assure her.

"Oh, tiny Aria, you're even smaller on my screen! Hi tiny Aria!" Spencer jokes waving her finger tip towards the camera.

"Haha, very funny, Bones. If you lose anymore weight we will be able to see through you." Aria defends.

We continue to laugh and catch up and exchange banter for ten more minutes, almost forgetting why we had started the chat in the first place. I miss these girls so much.

"At least you don't have to hide the peanut butter from Toby." I laugh. Spencer pauses waiting to understand the joke.

"I don't get it, why do you have to hide the peanut butter?" Spencer asks. I realize what I've said and look quickly to Ali who smiles knowingly.

"I've been having insatiable cravings for peanut butter. And lots of food really." Ali says in a leading tone. Aria suddenly gasps and covers her mouth. Her intuition always has been the strongest.

"Oh my god, are you?" Aria asks but pauses before saying it. The realization washes over Spencer and her eyes widen. She is clearly searching our faces for answers but remains silent.

"What? Is she what? Addicted to peanut butter?" Hanna asks with her hand in the air.

"Do you want to say it, or should I?" I ask Alison. She leans towards the camera.

"We're having a baby bitches!" She announces with glee. The girls squeal.

"Holy shit! I knew you'd be amazing in the sack but I didn't know you had magic fingers too, Emily!" Hanna says.

"Christ Hanna, was that necessary?" Spencer demands.

"Come on, like you never thought about Emily's skill level. She's built like a goddess, is an amazing athlete with crazy determination and stamina. Not to mention her need to please others..." Hanna rambles. I blush severely.

"Alright seriously, if I hear one more sound from the top right corner of my screen I'm booting you from this conversation." Aria says but we are all laughing.

"Not to mention her girlfriend _is_ sitting right here. Though I can't argue a single thing that you said." Alison divulges and I blush harder.

"God you guys have got to stop." I finally chime in.

"Let's get serious for a minute. We all know that no matter what magic may or may not lie in Emily's fingers, she didn't make this baby. So is it Lor..." Spencer starts and I cut her off. I feel Alison tense up even at that much of his name being uttered.

"No, it's not. And we don't say his name, okay?" I say it kindly but firmly so that they all get the message. Everyone nods.

"I'm sorry Alison." Spencer surprises me.

"It's alright Spence." She nods.

"So I'm not trying to be intrusive here but was this on purpose together or something from before?" Spencer's tone is much lighter now.

"It was a huge surprise, and it was from before. When I told Emily that I was still in love with her, that I always had been, I let her know about the baby and that I was keeping it.I wanted her to know straight up. And to my shock and awe she still accepted me, and the little one." She says with a hand on her tummy.

"Oh my god you guys are perfect." Hanna coos with tears in her eyes.

"Do you know what you're having?" Aria asks.

"We find out in three days." I blurt out excitedly. Aria and Hanna squeal while the rest of us laugh.

"I'm so excited for you two! I still just can't even grasp everything that's happened." Aria says.

"You aren't kidding" I say.

"Grasp this." Alison says lifting her shirt and showing her belly's profile to the camera. There is more laughter and squealing.

"You are the cutest pregnant girl ever!" Hanna shouts.

"Isn't she just precious? And beautiful... And amazing." I say as Ali leans in to kiss me.

"Ugh, I love you guys but you're disgusting." Spencer says and we all laugh.

"Oh hush." I say to the bottom left corner of the screen.

"Well I hate to cut it short, but I have got to get down to the library and finish up some work. I love you guys so much, and congratulations Em, Ali! Bye Aria bye Hanna!" Spencer says waving at the screen. As we all echo our goodbyes her screen goes black.

"I'm going to go too, Caleb and I have a date for lunch. He best start out with an apology cause otherwise I'm walking." Hanna says sassily.

"I'll never understand you two." Aria says shaking her head.

"Like you can talk, you and Fitz broke up and reconciled like four hundred times in high school." Hanna jabs.

"And then we mutually decided that it clearly was not meant to be and remain good friends. You know, like real grown ups." Aria jabs right back.

"Yeah, yeah. Well congratulations ladies, I'm so happy for you! Let me know if you're having a little Hanna or a little Hansel as soon as you find out!" Hanna says giving an exaggerated wink and blowing a kiss.

"In your dreams." I laugh. As her screen goes blank.

"In all seriousness I am so happy for you guys. Who would have thought that you two would be the first to start a family." Aria grins.

"I know right!? She has certainly changed things already." Ali says leaning on my shoulder.

"She?" Aria demands.

"Or he!" I remind her.

"Oh, okay, thought you were holding out on us!" Aria says.

"On you? Never. Spencer? Sometimes. Hanna? Often. But you? Never." Alison says and we all laugh.

"Alright well I will see the three of you later, I love you guys! Send me ultrasound pics, and let me do maternity photos at Christmas okay?" Aria says. We agree and closeout the program. Alison immediately throws her arms around my neck.

"I'm so happy." She whispers in my ear.

"That's all I've ever wanted." I say wrapping my arms tightly around her.

"Now we have to tell your mom, before Hanna tells her mom, and she tells your mom. Which gives us roughly two minutes." Alison jokes. My entire body feels numb. I'm sure that my mom knows something is up but she really has no clue what it is.

"Do you want to spend the night out there? I can go call her now and if she hasn't disowned us then we can go there?" I ask.

"Of course! I'm sure it will be okay." Her voice is confident but her eyes show me that she is terrified. I kiss her quickly.

"Be right back." I say before sitting on our bed facing the wall.

"Emmy! Hello!" My mom practically sings she is so happy to hear from me.

"Hey mom! How are you?" I ask.

"Missing my little girl. What did you call to tell me?" She says more seriously.

"What was my voice 'wavery' or something?" I ask sarcastically.

"Ever since you were a kid." I can hear her reminiscent smile.

"Well, you know how I told you that Alison and Lorenzo broke up and how he had left her for a long time before and how we are together now?" I feel like I'm rambling.

"Yes, of course." She says cautiously. I hesitate trying to spit the words out.

"When he left Alison got pregnant. And we have decided to raise the baby together." I finally just blurt out. I am met with silence.

"We find out the gender this week and everything." I say not knowing what else to say. Still silence.

"Do you mean to tell me..." She starts very emotionless, " that I am going to be a Nana!?" Her voice cracks on the word Nana.

"Yes, mom, if you will accept it, this baby will be your grandchild." I'm tearing up now.

"Accept it!? Are you kidding me? Emmy is that why you haven't told me? Oh honey you must have been terrified. Of course, I'm a Nana!" She shouts the last part excitedly.

"I'm so happy you're okay with it! Can we come spend the night tonight?" I ask.

"Of course! I want that baby to hear my voice as soon as possible!" She demands.

"Okay well let me and Ali get ready and we'll head that way. Love you mom." I say.

"I love you too!" She says excitedly.

I exit our room to an expectant Alison eagerly awaiting what my mom said. I grab both of her hands.

"My mom couldn't be more excited to be a Nana. She wants us over immediately!" I inform her she smiles excitedly and gives me a kiss.

"You go make us something to eat, I'll pack our bags." She has her hands on my chest.

"I can't wait to get you in my old bed, I spent years fantasizing about it." I say in a husky voice and lifting one of her hands to place a kiss there.

"Em, you're so bad." She laughs.

"You like it." I joke. She kisses me deeply and before I know it our tongues are intertwined. Her hands begin to wander up my shirt and I stop her.

"Save it for the bedroom." I whisper to get.

"Ugh, you're the worst." She pouts as she dramatically drags her feet towards the bedroom to pack our bags.

I head to the kitchen and make her a peanut butter chip pancake with peanut butter and cream cheese frosting. I make a kale and fruit smoothie for each of us and pour a glass of milk for her to wash it down. Shockingly we finish at about the same time. I eat an apple with my smoothie. She dives straight into her pancake.

"Is that all you're going to have?" She asks eyeing my apple.

"Well, you know that my mom is going to be shoving food down our throats the whole time that we'll be there. And unlike you, I only have one mouth to feed." I laugh trying to press my belly out at her. She laughs.

"I guess you're right. I am excited to eat your mom's cooking. She is probably preparing for dinner right now." Alison says and we both laugh.

She finishes and I take our bags down to my car. I'm excited for the mini road trip. She heads to the car and I grab several bags of nuts and fruits and a few waters. I know she'll want something to munch on. I toss them on her lap as I get into my car.

"You know me all too well." She smiles, opening a water to sip on it.

We listen to a mix of her favorite pop and hip hop artists and my favorite indie and rock artists. We both have a wide variety of music that we enjoy so it makes things like this easy for us. We very rarely have to veto each other's music. I'm impressed that we only have to stop for her to pee twice. At one point she serenades me with "Americano" by Lady Gaga laughing hysterically.

"You do remember that that was what your sister always called me right?" I ask her wiping tears of laughter from my eyes. She has the voice of an angel but when she sings all crazy and out of tune she always makes me laugh.

"This song was partially why, it wasn't just coffee. We used to listen to this album together a lot and this song was on when I first told her about you." She says, smiling at the memory.

"Alright, looks like we're here." I smile pulling in.

I notice that there are a couple extra cars out front that are familiar, but I can't quite place why I know them. It seems kind of strange that my mom would have company over right when she knew we'd be showing up.

"Is that Ella's car?" Alison asks taking notice of the other vehicles as well.

"Yes! That's it! I couldn't remember where I knew these cars from!" I say hitting the realization. I grab our bags and quickly head to the front door.

"Emmy!" My mom shouts running to hug me followed by Ashley Marin and Ella Montgomery. I drop the bags and see Alison fiddling her appearance in the car's rearview.

"Good lord I didn't know you invited the whole town." I joke as I squeeze my mom tight.

"Not the whole town just the women who helped raise you." She says.

"And who love you like their own child!" Ella says before hugging me harder than she ever has.

"We wanted to be able to rally around you two. We know it takes a village to raise a baby and we will be that village." Ashley says as I step into her embrace.

"Thank you so much. That's going to mean so much to Ali." I say.

"We're here for you too, you know. If you need any legal help Veronica said to call her or email her and that she would fly out at the drop of a hat to help you out." Ella says.

"You guys are all so amazing." I smile at them.

"There's the mama!" Ashley shouts and the three of them crowd around a very shocked Alison.

She looks desperately at me. I mouth to her that it will be okay. I stand back and watch as she fills them in on the whole pregnancy and how amazing I've been to her. I blush harshly. My mom slips away from their hustle and bustle for a moment to lean her head on my shoulder. I smile down at her. I feel so much more at peace even being near her. I guess sometimes it just takes a mother's touch.

"Lets bring her the gifts!" Ella yells.

"Oh, of course!" My mom agrees and they all go to the kitchen where they present Alison with all kinds of pregnancy/baby related things. They have stretch mark lotion, aromatherapy bubble bath, bath salts for sore feet, bibs, pacifiers, and a few unisex outfits and toys. Ali blushes and looks teary eyed to everyone.

"Thank you so much all of you, you didn't have to do any of this! I was so afraid about not giving this baby a grandma and now she has four of them." She says tearfully.

"We all love you very much Alison. And we love our Emily. You aren't alone in this." Ella says pulling me to her side.

Us non pregnant women finish a bottle of wine amongst us and Ella and Ashley end up leaving after an hour or so of catching up. I offer to clean up the kitchen while my mom and Ali stay out on the porch swing. I wipe the counters and put our wine bottle and Alison's water bottles in the recycling. I look out to my two (maybe three) favorite women. They are talking, laughing and not missing a beat together. My mom puts her hand on Alison's belly and says something but I can't hear her or make out what she's saying to the baby. Ali has to bite her lip to hold in even more emotion. They look to each other and grip each others hands lovingly. I am so thrilled that my mom has stepped into the void the Jessica left in Alison's life. I love my beautiful family.

Later after dinner and with Alison's permission I dial the numbers with shaking hands. There is one more important person to inform and I am scared to death. I breathe out heavily and pace a few steps to calm my nerves. I almost hope it goes to voicemail.

"Lieutenant Colonel Fields speaking." No such luck.

"Hi daddy!" I say excitedly. The sound of his voice is such a source of comfort and fear for me.

"Emmy girl! How are you?" He asks beaming.

"I'm great actually. I'm at mom's visiting with Alison." I say and lean on my door frame nearly forgetting to be terrified.

"Yeah she told me you girls were back together. You know I only met that Lorenzo guy once but I pegged him for a gutless coward from the start." His voice is dark suddenly.

"I know dad, mom told me." I say.

"Well he better know how to hide real well next time I'm on leave, I'll show him a thing or two about picking fights." I know he isn't kidding.

"Daddy, have I ever told you that you're the best dad a girl could ever ask for?" I say in my sweet voice that I used to work him over with.

"Yes pumpkin, you have." He smiles again.

"Well, how would you feel about being the best pop pop a little boy or girl could ever ask for?" I try to smile to lighten the blow. The line is silent for a long time. I hear him swallow hard.

"Emmy... I'm going to have to let you go for a minute." His voice is colder than I've ever heard and my stomach drops to my knees.


	16. The Past is Never Far

"Dad..." I start, my voice catching in my throat but the phone goes quiet.

I have to lock myself in the bathroom and force all of my energy into not crying. He can't reject us, not after how far we've come. Five minutes goes by and my heart hasn't slowed. I know that any minute now Alison will prance up here wanting to know how it went. How can I tell her that the baby may not have a grandpa? Ten minutes goes by and a tear falls down my cheek. Before I get the chance to open the door the phone rings and it dad.

"Daddy!" I cry sounding much more pathetic than anticipated.

"I'm sorry for hanging up like that sugar, you know I don't like to let people hear me get emotional. Am I to understand that you and Alison are having a baby?" He asks calmly.

"Yes." I answer shortly and notice in the mirror that my posture is rigid just like when I'd get in trouble as a child.

"Is Alison the one carrying the child?" He asks.

"Yes." I say still on edge.

"Is it Lorenzo's?" He asks.

"No." I answer.

"I mean, I guess that that wouldn't matter anyway. I just don't want that loser to have anything to hold over you or Alison. Now Emmy, you've really thought about this, and you are sure that this is what you want? Being a parent is a huge step and you and Alison just got together. You're positive that this is what you want?" He has always been the thoughtful, logical one.

"Yes dad. I am terrified out of my mind, but I want this." My answer surprises even me.

"That sounds like a parent." He laughs and it feels like a weight off of my shoulders.

"Honey if you're happy then I am happy, and I couldn't be more excited to be a granddad!" He says smiling.

"You're going to be the best granddad in the world!" I could cry remembering him holding me on his lap and teaching me all kinds of things and imagining him doing that for my child.

"I sure hope so. And you're going to be the best mama a kid could hope for. You sure have a good example, she's come such a long way with you. Why don't you put nana on the phone." He chuckles, lighthearted now and I laugh too.

"I'll go give it to her. I love you dad." I say.

"I love you too, Emmy." He says

I run the phone downstairs to my mom who immediately starts cheering and babbling about how cute the baby will be and how amazing being a grandparent will be. She wanders off to her room like a dazed teenager. Alison smiles slightly at me. She can tell that if clearly went well but I can tell that she needs to hear it.

"Well, he scared me for a second, but he couldn't be more thrilled for us." I say sitting on her lap.

"Good. You never sit on my lap." She says wrapping her arms around my waist and holding me close.

"I'm sorry, we can switch." I offer.

"No, stay, I like it." She whispers into my stomach and I wrap my arms around her shoulders burying my face in her full golden hair. It still smells like vanilla and strawberries just like it always has.

"I can't believe we're really here. After everything. We are sitting in each other's arms in your mom's kitchen and we are starting a family. I couldn't be happier." She says tipping her head back to look up at me.

"I never saw this coming even in my wildest dreams." I tell her as I run my fingers through her beautiful hair.

"Not even your _really_ wild ones?" She asks suggestively.

"Oh those? We will enact some of those later tonight. Trust me, they don't involve my mom's kitchen." I smile.

"Kitchen sex can be hot," she begins and then pulls my ear to her mouth to continue, "what if I wanted you right here on this table, right now." Her voice is breathy and dripping with lust and sex. A shudder runs through my entire body.

"Ali... You cannot do this to me." I whisper back, just as I hear my mom descend the stairs. I hop to my feet and Alison grins at me satisfied with how flustered I am.

"I knew you weren't entirely reformed from your evil ways." I say just before my mom enters the room.

"Isn't this just so exciting?" My mom says as she grabs each of our hands.

"Yes mom." I say beginning to be embarrassed by her enthusiasm.

"Oh come on, let me be excited here. My daughters are having a baby, and they are making each other smile like a couple of clowns. It can't get better as a parent." She says stepping to the freezer.

"Now Alison, Emmy told me that you've had a pretty strong craving for peanut butter lately?" Mom says.

"I can't seem to get enough of it." She says with a laugh.

"I stopped and got you this." Mom smiles setting a pint of Ben and Jerry's Peanut Buttah cookie core ice cream in front of her and handing her a spoon. Her eyes go wide as she reads the description.

"Are you an actual angel?" She ask as she begins to scoop away at the ice cream. We all laugh.

"And don't worry, Em. I got your half baked." Mom says handing me the pint.

"You're the best mom." Smile digging in.

Mom and I end up splitting our pint and Ali finishes hers. We sit at the table and laugh and talk for hours. It's such a relaxing time being so far removed from A and Lorenzo and all of the hurt and drama of our past. Now it's just two girls starting a family and already loving the one they have. Life is funny that way.

"Well girls, I'm heading to bed. I know I'm showing my age here but hey, I'm a grandma now so it's my right to!" We laugh.

"We're going to bed too." I say almost too eagerly.

"We are?" Ali is about to protest about how she isn't tired but I give her "the look" and she yawns.

"I am getting sleepy." She stretches.

"Goodnight ladies, I love you. And you too!" She directs the last part to Alison's baby bump. She waits until my mom shuts her bedroom door.

"Now, how about you take me upstairs and show me all of these dirty fantasies that you supposedly had when you were sweet and innocent Emily." She says throwing her arms around my neck.

"I may have been sweet, but I was far from innocent when it came to you." I laugh grabbing her hands and leading her up the stairs.

"I stand corrected. You were a filthy, filthy girl. She says draped across my chest still panting.

"I tried to warn you." I smile down at her.

"You are so amazing." She says kissing my chest.

"So are you. You're perfect." I say quietly as my heavy eyelids refuse to open anymore.

I am woken up by the floorboards creaking downstairs. I am freezing cold as I am still naked and Alison is nowhere to be found. A faint burning smell is coming from somewhere in the house and I sit up quickly. I see a pair of shorts and a t shirt folded nicely at the foot of my bed and quickly put them on to go downstairs to investigate. There on the table are three plates that Alison is dishing with scrambled eggs currently and pieces of toast are already on them. She looks completely flustered. I can see pieces of burnt toast and burnt eggs in the trash.

"Ali, what are you doing?" I ask trying stifle laughter as more eggs are getting on the table than the plates.

"You aren't supposed to be up yet!" She scolds me and she slams the pan back onto the stove.

"I'm sorry, you weren't exactly being stealthy." I say.

"I was just trying to do something nice because you and your mom are always so good to me and I'm just clueless as to how I'm supposed to pay you back." She looks so dejected.

"Oh, honey." I say coming to wrap my arms around her.

"You don't ever have to pay us back. That's not what it's about. You don't owe us anything. We love you and that's just what people who love each other do." I kiss her with every ounce of passion I can muster hoping to calm her worries.

"Well, here's breakfast anyway. It's not fancy like when you make it, I couldn't find any of those plant things that you put in the eggs to make them taste so good." She says sounding a bit better.

"Herbs? That's okay honey I'm sure they're still wonderful." I smile.

My mom descends the stairs and enters the kitchen. I immediately stare her down.

"Mom, Alison made us breakfast, doesn't it look wonderful?" I insist.

"Oh my! Alison you didn't have to do this! It looks wonderful!" She is genuinely surprised.

With a bit of salt, pepper, and hot sauce, the eggs aren't too bad. The toast wasn't entirely burnt either. Ali picks at her food sadly. I look over at her. She drops her fork in defeat. I nudge her under the table.

"What's the matter sad face?" I ask.

"You've spoiled me. I can't even eat food unless it's deep fried or five star." She says.

"Well luckily sweetheart, you'll never have to go back to microwave food again." I grab her hand and keep eating.

"I just wish that I could return the favor, that's all." She looks up at me with those doe eyes that I love so much. It was the first time that she looked at me like that that I fell in love with her.

"You stole my heart with that look." I smile at her.

"I watched her steal your heart with that look. Even if I tried to ignore it for years." My mom adds.

"Did you really know that I had feelings for her back then?" I ask.

"Part of me absolutely knew. The way your face lit up around her or when you'd talk about her. Or how you'd find reasons to bring her up all the time. It wasn't until one time though that you were over here Alison and the two of you were working on something together, had your books open at the table. I was in the living room there and was about to come in but I froze. I saw how you were staring at her. Alison, you were just trying to play it all casual and keep reading but you knew how you were making Em go crazy." She reminisces.

"I remember that night. You had straightened your hair and were wearing a new perfume. I was intoxicated." I say to Ali.

"It was Britney Spears Believe. And I wore it just for you." Alison says dreamily.

"We have all changed so much since then. And thank god right?" My mom laughs clearing the plates.

"We better get going, I have swim practice tonight." I say helping my mom clean up.

"Oh I have this, you go get ready." My mom pats my hand.

Ali and I pack up everything and after my mom tearfully embraces us we are on our way home. I love visiting her so much but it's always nice to be back home. I am so happy and relieved that we've told all of the important people in our lives. It is a weight off of my shoulders, and I'm sure Alison's as well. I don't have time to relax though, I need to get ready for my practice. We did phenomenally at our first meet, everyone placed but a couple of the freshman girls and we took first in all but 4 categories. I am excited to talk to the girls today and see how they're feeling about the meet.

"What are you doing?" Ali approaches me as I pack my coach bag. She almost sounds afraid.

"I'm just getting ready for my practice." I say, continuing to gather things from around our room.

"Oh yeah. You said that earlier I forgot." She says quietly.

"I'll be back around six." I say. She nods and walks away.

I take a super fast shower as I am running a bit late. I tie my hair back and skip the makeup. I hadn't heard Ali in the doorway but she is standing there watching me. I can't quite get a read on her expression.

"What's the matter?" I ask stopping in front of her.

"Nothing, I just wanted to be close to you." She says. It seems like something else is on the tip of her tongue but she just won't say it.

"I love when you're close to me." I say trying to get her to smile. It doesn't work. She just looks to the floor. I wrap my arms around her and she suddenly grips me like I'm drifting away and she is my anchor.

"Seriously, are you okay?" I ask. she doesn't let go of me.

"Yeah. I'm just going to miss you." She says numbly. I squeeze her tightly.

"I'll be back before you know it." I say trying to hold her gaze but she looks straight back to the floor. I tilt her chin up to catch her lips in a short and sweet kiss.

She follows me all the way to the door and watches me until she can't see me anymore. She has never acted this way before when I leave. I know that something has to be up and I just wish that she would tell me. I can't push her though. I send her a text, 'Miss you already.' I say, trying to cheer her up. Maybe she just needs some reassurance that I still want her. It's so strange how you can be with someone so intimately and still need to hear those things sometimes. I'm the same way with her.

"Hey coach!" A bunch of girls shout from the group that is already here.

The rest of the girls filter in and they all suit up. We go over the results of the meet and I have what we call "circle time" where the girls can all talk about anything that is bothering them, mostly swimming related but sometimes life related. It helps so much when you can focus on your swimming instead of all of the problems and worries going through your mind. A few girls share some positives, a few girls share some things from outside the pool that are causing them problems. The two girls who didn't place are very concerned and disappointed about it. I set them up with Grace to have some one on one practices. She is great at helping people reach their full potential but also at rebuilding their confidence.

I have everyone essentially redo their styles from the meet and I time them. I have them repeat them until they shave time off. It takes some girls several repeats but their determination pays off as every girl improves. I know that they can do this. I give a few pointers to everyone concerning the next couple of days until our next practice. Everyone is exhausted but they seem much more at ease than when they came in here today.

"Coach Fields?" Zoey, one of the freshman that hadn't placed at the meet approaches me.

"Yeah, what is it Zoey?" I ask facing her completely to give her my full attention.

"I just wanted to thank you for still letting me be on the team and everything. I'm going to try really hard to get better." She says it to our feet rather than my face.

"Oh, honey! Of course you'll still be on the team! I would never cut you just because you didn't place. I know that you can do this and I completely believe in you. That hasn't changed." I say. Something tells me that her parents may not have been so supportive. She still doesn't look up at me.

"Grace is going to do wonders for you. And you have an amazing talent to begin with. One bad meet doesn't spoil a swimming career. Plus you shaved 3.7 seconds off of your time today in your first go! That is incredible!" I say putting a hand on her shoulder. She cheers up a bit.

"Thank you." She says quietly giving me a weak smile.

"No thank you, for not giving up! We're going to knock 'em dead next time!" I say, strengthening her smile. She goes to catch up with the other girls and I wait by the door for them all to file out. They all high five me as they walk past and I lock up.

I glance at my phone and see that I haven't gotten any messages from Alison, which is kind of surprising with the way that she was acting earlier. I was going to stop by the store on the way home but I think that it may be better for me to head straight there. Something doesn't feel right in the pit of my stomach. It's the same way that I used to feel right before discovering one of Charlotte's booby traps. Like my body is well aware of danger before I have even encountered it. I speed the entire way home. I jog up the stairs to our door and turn the key but the door is chained shut.

"Ali?" I call through the opening. I wait a whole minute before calling out again a little bit louder. When she doesn't come out I call her phone. It goes straight to voicemail.

"Alison! Please, come here! Are you okay!" I yell through the opening.

She doesn't answer and I hear nothing inside. I take a step back and look at the door. I remember the spot that my foot needs to hit in order to bust that chain off of the wall. I take a deep breath and let it out as I drive my foot into the door sending it flying open. I ignore the searing pain that shoots through my ankle to my knee and begin to search the apartment. She clearly isn't in the kitchen/living/dining area so I run to our bedroom. She is nowhere to be seen but I notice that our bathroom door is shut. I try the handle and it's locked.

"Alison? Are you in there? It's just me." I say as calmly as I can. I hear some rustling and the door click. Before I can even register that the door is open she is in my arms. Her face is red from crying and I see a blanket in our bath tub like she had been holed up in there.

"Baby, what's the matter, what happened?" I beg her to answer.

"I thought it was _him._ He texted me Emily." She's frantic and shaking and can barely get her words out.

"When?" I ask.

"Right after we got back." She says pulling me closer to her.

"You should have told me! Ali, I never would have left you alone, I would have brought you with me." I say.

"I didn't want to scare you. And, you've already done so much I just don't want to be a burden and bring all of this baggage. I'm so tired of feeling like a burden to you." She is sobbing at this point.

"You aren't a burden. You aren't a burden, baby I want this. I want you and I don't care what that entails. I'll take whatever comes with you." I hold her face in my hands making sure that she absorbs my words completely.

"I thought that I could handle it. But I just got so scared." She cries.

"What did he say?" I ask.

"He found out about us, and he said that he doesn't believe that we're in love and that he misses me. He says that he knows that he could love me better than you. He knows where we live Em. I thought he was coming after me." She cries.

"I know that they will probably throw it out but we need to at least try to report it. That's a violation of his protection order. You didn't delete the messages did you?" I ask softly.

"No. I don't want to go back there though." She buries her face into my neck. I hold her tight. I won't make her go tonight. We'll call Rebecca in the morning and find out what the best next step is. Until then I'm just going to spend the night trying to make my love feel safe again. Because I would die before I would ever let anything happen to her.

 **Hey everyone! I hope that you enjoyed the chapter, thanks for the reviews on the last one! I really loved the feedback on that last chapter you all had a lot to say! I agree that initially Emily's mom would be the one I would have been concerned with but as I was writing this I not only wanted to show a softer side to Pam, I thought about how far she had come over the course of the show and I think that by this time she would be more than happy to be a Grandma no matter how it happened. As for Wayne, he is so loving and amazing but he is also very logical and likes to think things through and take care of those that he loves. He also didn't want Em to hear him cry. I can't wait to hear what you guys think about this chapter and where the story is going, thanks for reading and reviewing!**


	17. For You

**I tried to make this a longer chapter instead of two short ones as someone mentioned that they preferred the long ones. Also I listened to For You by Barenaked Ladies while listening to this and highly recommend listening to it before or while reading it. It is kind of Emil's theme song in this part of the story. As always I appreciate you all so much and will try to address all concerns and opinions left in my reviews!**

"Hi, Rebecca, this is Emily Fields." I say formally. I feel so awkward, I don't know how serious she was about us being able to call her.

"Hey you! I've been getting worried about you two since I hadn't heard from ya! How are you two?" She asks.

"Well, we are good. Baby is good. But, I was calling because I didn't know what steps we needed to take to report someone being in violation of a protective order." I say pacing furiously.

"Oh no, did Mr. Worthless pull something? Is Alison okay?" She asks getting serious.

"She's shaken up. He just sent her a text message but it is the first contact that she has had with him since everything went down. He told her that he missed her and doubted her and I's relationship. So she is pretty scared that he is going to show up at our house or at her work. Who knows with this guy. From what she's told me he is really unpredictable. Sometimes cold as hell and other times furious. Who knows what he may do next." I say. Rebecca's tone always puts me at ease.

"You guys definitely need to report it and press charges. It's still going to be hard and they are going to treat her like it's a real big pain in the ass but if you two stick to your guns then honestly it won't be too big of a deal like domestic abuse can be. They still probably won't do what they could. He could face up to three years in jail, which would be ideal but more likely he will pay a fine somewhere between $200 and $1,000." She tells me. I've never met someone in the police force that is so honest and gives it to me so straight, not even when Toby was an officer.

"She really isn't wanting to after what happened last time. Are you still working there?" I ask.

"Unfortunately, yes. I will be at the station around 5 PM and you ladies are welcome to come then. Request a female officer, I'm the only one working tonight." She says.

"Thank you so much. Would you mind texting Ali? I think that she would feel a lot better hearing all of this straight from you." I ask.

"Oh yeah I'm a textaholic, you may have noticed I like to talk it doesn't really matter how I'm doing it." She laughs and so do I.

I give her Alison's number and thank her again. For all of the demons that I have met in the law enforcement field over the years, it's nice to have finally met a saint. I also email Spencer with everything that is going on and what Rebecca said. She agrees completely so I go to talk to Ali.

"How are you feeling this morning, beautiful?" I ask sliding under the throw that she has covering her legs. She has called into work and I have arranged with my professors to email them my assignments. I think we need an extra day together to just process this before going into the station tonight.

"I talked to Rebecca, you remember her from the station?" I ask.

"Of course I do. She was so kind to me. I think about her often actually." She says, clearly reminiscing.

"She was super helpful. She will be working tonight and she says that we should come down to report it. She will be there to walk you through every step." I assure her.

"I'm still scared what if they don't let her? What if I get those awful officers again?" she is calm but her eyes are still fearful.

"You won't. I told her to text you so I'm sure that it will be coming." I smile. She is a chatty kathy.

"I should have called her. I love the way she talks." Ali says then.

"You're into New Yorkers, huh? never would have pegged you for that." I tease.

"I didn't say I was into her, I just said that I like hearing her talk! Like you can talk, you get all red in the face everytime you hear a Shirley Manson interview." She scowls at me.

"Scottish accents are different." I defend before leaning down to kiss her temple.

"I didn't know you were so jealous over Shirley. She could never compare to you." I assure her.

"Oh whatever." She tries to hide her smile before kissing me.

Our kiss is interrupted by her phone going off. She jumps fiercely just like back in the A game days. It turns out to just be Rebecca of course. She reads the long message and responds quickly. Her phone dings almost immediately and i can tell that they will be pretty wrapped up in conversation for a while so I head to the kitchen to make lunch. I make her a grilled cheese with smoked gouda, sliced avocado, and a tomato slice. I steam some broccoli and rice to go with it. She is curled up on the couch now enveloped in conversation. Her expressions vary from very serious and moved, to laughing and giggling. I'm glad that Rebecca can get through to her.

"Ready for lunch?" I ask.

"Yeah thank you!" She starts to come to me.

"No, sit down honey, I'll bring it in there." I say.

"Spoiling me as usual. You treat me like I'm a princess." She smiles up at me.

"You are my princess." I say handing her a plate. I stick with just a larger portion of the veggies and rice.

We eat mostly in silence, except for Alison letting me in on some of Rebecca's jokes. She also sends a picture of Felicity waving with the message "Felicity says Hi Miss Emily!" I send a waving picture of myself back. What a cute little kid. I hope that they have another kid soon, that way our kids can have playdates. It would be nice to have parent friends. I get up and fix the chain on our door that I broke to get in. Before we know it it's around 3 PM and we have to start getting ready for the station.

"Em." Alison asks softly from the doorway.

"Yeah?" I ask pausing my gathering of clothes.

"Do you think that we could take our showers together?" She asks it sounding so sad.

"Of course we can. You don't exactly sound like you're exactly 'in the mood' though, what's up?" I ask walking to her and resting my hands on her waist.

"I just want to feel close to you. Like in the tub after the police station last time." She says resting her forehead to mine.

"Anything that you want baby, I feel intimate with you when we shower together too." I say.

She takes her chosen outfit and I grab mine and we enter the bathroom. The moment turns heavy as we stand in front of each other just looking each other over. Like the weight of everything that has happened in the past few months and everything between us from the past ten years is pressing down on the room.

She reaches out and presses her hand underneath my white t-shirt and against my abs. She slides my shirt up and over my head tossing it to the floor. She lightly runs her hands along my sides. It's like I can feel her love radiating off of her hands and onto my skin. I reach out and lightly pull at her top which she helps me get over her head. we undo each others pants at the same time, hungry to feel each other's skin. Before we know it we are naked and standing there staring at each other. And even if I can't just look at her and say the words "I love you" I hope that she understands that this is the most open and vulnerable I have ever felt for someone in my entire life.

She pulls me close to her then, wrapping tightly around my body. I embrace her in such a way that the pressure is applied to her belly. I want to hug our child right now too. I love them so much. I love my family so much. the baby may call me some variation of mother but I will take on the role of father. I will protect my family by any and all means necessary. I love them forever. I don't care about any legal bullshit. This is my life now.

We shower for longer than may have been necessary but it felt so good to be so close together and so open to each other. By the end we are smiling and some of the heaviness has lifted. Which I guess is okay because I love the way that she smiles. She looks good in a long sleeved maroon thermal shirt and black pants even though I know that she's only wearing them as her options are limited. I need to take her shopping soon. A fashonista cannot be without the latest trends. I keep it simple with a grey t-shirt and my black leather jacket and skinny jeans. I know better than to try to one up her.

"Are you ready Ali?" I ask.

"I guess so. I'm just so happy that we have Rebecca to help us." She says sounding genuinely relieved.

"Me too." I grab her hand and and we head out the door. Who knows what is waiting for us at the station but I am in it now. I'm not going anywhere.

"Well if it isn't good lookin' one and two!" Rebecca laughs as she walks into the room. Before they could say anything I demanded a female officer and this time they didn't feel like messing with me.

"Boy, you're already starting to show, you look all cute and pregnant." She laughs as she gives Ali a hug and then turns to me

"And Ms. Rambo herself, fighting the good fight. Are you taking care of yourself?" She asks as she pulls away from our hug.

"Trying." I smile.

"You both look great. You healed up great Alison! Can't even tell anything ever happened." She says. Ali thanks her and I can tell that it means a lot coming from someone who saw how bad it was to begin with.

"But we better get down to business I don't want to keep you ladies any longer than you have to be here." She pulls out a laptop and some forms.

"Now Em can stay for the first part but I am going to need her to step out for your testimony, then she can come right back in." She tells us. I squeeze Ali's hand and nod to her.

"It will be okay." I assure her.

"And a few of the questions that I have to ask are very triggering and very accusatory but I hope that you understand that I already know the answers to them and that I don't actually think any of that, I just have to ask." You can see how much this all bothers her.

"It's okay." Alison seems more at ease and prepared now.

Rebecca gets Alison's general information, addresses, and everything. She even gets some of my information, where I work and what buildings my classes are in. She wants to make sure that all bases are covered.

"Did you ladies read over the protection order?" Rebecca asks. I realize that I never did once we got home I just got so distracted taking care of her.

"I did." Ali says.

"Well then you know that what you have is a standard protection order, no going within 200 yards of you, no harassing you at work. But what you don't have is a specific no contact order. This is where it gets dumb. You aren't supposed to contact the person if they have a restraining order against you but if you do and it goes to court, then there is usually no penalty just a no contact order tacked on there. So what I would advise here, we will get your statement, and use it to file a no contact order without pressing charges this time. Same result, a whole lot cheaper for you." Rebecca reasons with us.

"Is there a fine like with the protection order?" I ask.

"He'll have to pay $250." Rebecca says.

"Honestly Ali, as messed up as it is this may be our best bet." I say. She nods sadly.

"I agree. As long as it makes him leave us alone I don't care anymore." She says.

"Alright well if you're ready I'll have Em step out for a minute and get your statement recorded." Rebecca offers.

"It's okay, I'll be fine." Ali says kissing me hard on the mouth.

"I'll be right outside if you need anything." I say before heading out to sit on a bench outside the door.

I know that she's is being taken care of, but after what happened I am still nervous sitting out here. I hope she doesn't get too scared. Honestly I wish she'd see someone. Her PTSD and resulting anxiety are so hard on her. I hate watching her suffer. She's a strong girl though. I know that she'll pull through. I just think that she may need some help to get there.

"Alright just let me get some copies of these screenshots and we'll be just about set." Rebecca says leaving the room. I start to head to the door but Rebecca grabs my arm motioning for me to follow her.

"How are you holding up, kiddo?" She asks as she waits for the printer to load.

"I'm good. Alison really took getting that message hard." I say.

"Okay, but how did you take it? I asked how _you_ are doing." She reminds me.

"Oh. Well I mean, mostly I've just felt worried about her and the baby. About our home. Our family." I start to ramble staring off into space.

"That's all perfectly understandable. It's scary knowing there's a psycho around with something against ya." She says and I laugh.

"Oh, Bec, I'm used to it." I laugh thinking of Charlotte.

"Of course you are. I remember you two from the papers years ago. But that doesn't make this any less scary." She says it so casually.

"I didn't think you knew... I mean, you treat us so..." I trail off, too surprised to think of the right word.

"Normal? Like human being? I make an effort to treat everyone the same. The president or a drug addict could walk in here and I would shake their hand and look 'em in the eye. But Em, you've been so strong for so long. You need to take care of you too. You need to acknowledge how you feel." She says wiping a tear from my eye.

"I just want to be good for her." My voice is barely a whisper.

"And you are good for her! _You_ are. You don't have to try or jump through hoops or be so strong that you don't acknowledge your weaknesses. You just have to be you. Ali told me that she's worried about you not taking care of yourself. And I agree. So just be you, that's enough for her. Let her know when you're feeling low or scared. It makes her feel good to help you." She says and as my lip quivers she pulls me into a hug.

"Now let's get you two out of here." She says.

We walk out of the station with our hands clasped tightly. The chill in the air is getting more and more bitey so I'm glad to get to the car. We sit in silence for a moment while we wait for the heat to kick on. Finally I realize that she is staring at me with tears in her eyes.

"Are you okay?" I ask softly.

"Are you?" She asks pointedly.

"I am, I promise I am Alison." I try to reassure her.

"You have a wall up still that I haven't gotten through. And I get it. We have a rough past and this all happened so fast and you so willingly took so much on. The stakes are so high. I'm not expecting you to let me in tomorrow or anything. But maybe you could let me take care of you a little sometimes too? Maybe be a bit more open and vulnerable about how you're feeling?" She asks these things with such genuine understanding.

"Alison..." I start. My words catch in my throat. I grab her face firmly in my hands. "Alison, we have lasted through more than any ten couples that I know. We will get through this. And I am so sorry for being guarded with you. I've just been doing my own thing for so long that I forgot what it was to trust someone. And I'm scared to death of losing you, both of you. But, if you're patient with me, I promise I'll make you happy for the rest of your life." I let my heart do the talking for once and she pulls me in for a deep kiss that lasts far longer than I'd anticipated.

"I love you, Mermaid." She whispers. I kiss her mouth in place of the words.


	18. White Picket Fence

**Are you guys ready to find out if they are having a boy or girl? I know I was excited writing this!**

Alison seems so calm and collected as we drive to to ultrasound appointment. She is just smiling out the window with her hand on her belly smiling to herself. She looks relaxed even. I on the other hand am feeling a whirlwind of emotion. We are on our way to find out whether we're having a little boy or a little girl. I can't believe it's really happening.

"How can you be so calm over there?" I ask, I have been trying to be more honest about my feelings ever since the conversation at the police station.

"Are you scared, Em?" She asks grabbing my hand. I nod.

"Well, I was too last night. But then I just thought to myself, what do I have to be afraid of? I love this baby no matter what gender they are. While it will make this seem all the more real, we are going to be okay." She smiles. Her words do provide me some comfort.

"I just always get nervous hoping everything is okay." I say.

She turns my hand over and tickles my palm with her fingertips. She's always done this when I get worked up and it has always helped me to calm down. While today we are battling something a bit bigger than a bit of hand tickling can handle, it does feel nice and I love the little ways that she shows me care. She leans on my shoulder and we drive the rest of the way silently listening to Bon Iver.

"Kendra!" Alison says excitedly reaching out for a hug. I feel a huge sense of relief seeing a familiar face.

"Hey guys! I actually switched someone shifts so I'd be here today." She laughs.

"I appreciate it so much." I say genuinely and accepting the hug she offers.

"We get to find out the sex today! Are you two excited?" She asks as we enter the ultrasound room. Alison and her chat but I'm dead silent holding onto Ali's hand.

"You look a bit sick Emily, are you okay?" Kendra asks.

"Oh I'm fine. Just a bit nervous." I say.

"Well, remember, you felt that way just beforehand last time but when you saw that little baby it all melted away, right?" She says patting my hand. She's right and I give her a bit of a smile.

"Okay, let's let the machine get warmed up, you can just get comfortable in the chair here." Kendra instructs and begins to talk to Alison about her progress and how she's been feeling. They laugh and talk while I wait for that monitor to kick on.

I just want them to both be okay. I don't think I'll feel okay until I hear that tiny heart beating. I just need that confirmation that they are both healthy. I can't help but worry about them. The machine kicks on and the noise makes me jump.

"I'm just a bit nervous." I say wiping my sweaty palms on my jeans. Alison grabs them and kisses them.

"Everything is going to be okay." She assures me. She has really loved being able to comfort me more and I do feel closer to her.

"Are you ready to get started?" Kendra looks to me more than Alison, it's kind of ironic really. We both assure her that we are more than ready.

"Okay here we go, sorry this is a bit cold." She says and Alison jumps when it makes contact.

I hear the whirring of the heart beat and tears sting my eyes. Thank god. I breathe a sigh of relief and Ali smiles at me.

"Heartbeat sounds great." Kendra says. Soon the little profile pops up on the screen again and I can't stop smiling.

"Hello again little one!" I lean towards Alison's belly and whisper. When I do the baby moves around and I laugh heartily along with kendra and Alison.

"She likes the sound of your voice!" Kendra says And Ali and I both look to each other.

"She?" I ask.

"Yep, looks like we have a little girl!" She beams at us. Ali is bawling already and I can't help but wipe my own eyes.

"Mama always knows!" Kendra nudges Ali.

"We have a baby girl!" I say kissing ali's hands and shaking my head slowly at the monitor.

"She's so beautiful." I whisper.

"She already has you wrapped around her finger." Ali laughs at me.

"Just like her mama." I rub my nose on hers.

"Oh, wow, that's a great angle." Kendra points out the baby's arms and her slightly turned face.

We take all of the pictures and with a clean bill of health we walk back out to the car. We start out if the parking lot and I head the opposite way of our apartment.

"Where are we going?" She asks confused.

"We are going to get you some maternity clothes and our baby girl some gifts." I smile and she looks ecstatic.

"I have the best girlfriend." She leans over to kiss my cheek.

After three hours of trying on clothes and two shopping malls Ali has finally found several outfits and we got some toys and clothes for baby girl. We head home to look at cribs online. I make us some dinner and hot chocolate and we curl up on the couch to start our search.

"You know this apartment is ideal for us, but once the baby comes it may be a bit cramped." I say cautiously. This whole being more open about my feelings thing is hard.

"You're right" she looks up from the computer smiling.

"So I am supposed to be getting a raise with the school soon, as well as a possible position as head of athletics." I say, trying to get her to suggest us getting a house, I can tell she is going to win this battle though.

"That would be great!" She says.

"Ali, would you want to maybe look into getting a house? Not right away but within a year or two?" I finally just blurt out with all the tact of a starving lion.

"With a white picket fence? And a treehouse out back?" She asks teasingly.

"If you want them." I say.

"I would love to get a house with you." She smiles and pulls me in for a kiss.

I feel relieved. I've wanted to ask her for weeks now. Today's appointment made it all more real and more urgent. I can't wait to just settle in and start the rest of our lives together. I take a deep breath. Now the other hard part.

"I was also wondering, if you had chosen a name for the baby?" I ask it without looking at her. Even though she has told me that I will be parenting the baby and that she wants to buy a house together it just feels intrusive when I ask about her baby plans.

"Honey? Why would I do that without you?" She asks sounding slightly hurt.

"Well, I just mean... You don't have to involve me in those decisions. You don't have to involve me in any of it. So I don't know what you want and I don't want to pressure you." I say sounding like a burst dam of anxious thoughts.

"Emily, I want you to be involved in everything. I want you to help me choose the name, I want you to help me choose all of the essential things that we need, I want you to do everything that a daddy would do. I have to tell you that sometimes I literally forget that you didn't put this baby here. You're the only person that I have ever wanted to raise kids with and I want you there for it all." She says and then pauses with a worried expression. "Unless you don't want to be so involved." Her voice is barely a whisper.

"Oh Ali, baby, no. I'm so sorry I made you feel that way. I want that too. I am terrified of how much I want all of this. I just never want you to feel pressured ever again." I run my hands over her hair.

"I don't. I never do with you." She is smiling again.

"So have you thought about names?" I ask.

"Of course. There are a lot that I think are pretty, I like Isabel and Ava for that reason. But I want her name to mean something. I'd love to name her for the girls but I don't want to leave anyone out so I don't know how we would do that." She thinks out loud.

"Those are pretty. But I agree. I would like for it to mean something. And somehow naming her after the girls would be great." I say sliding down so that she can lay her head on my chest. I think we've given up on the crib for tonight.

"Can you believe we're having a baby girl?" She asks smiling.

"I'm still trying to wrap my head around the whole you liking me thing." I laugh squeezing her tight.

"I more than like you." She says linking her hand with mine.

"I more than like you too." I laugh.

"Can we tell the girls tomorrow?" She asks.

"Yes! Oh god I can't wait!" I get all giddy thinking about all of our best friends knowing about our little girl.

"I'll send to the group message here after a bit. I'm way too comfy right now." She say as I play with her hair.

"There's nothing better than this right here." I whisper.

"Yes it could. We could ve in paris like we always dreamt of." She whispers back.

"I'll take you there one day." I barely whisper. I don't move again until she wakes me to go to bed.

"Em? The girls are all free at seven, will you be done with class and practice by then?" Alison asks as we are both in a hurry to get ready, her for work and me for class.

"Yes, wouldn't miss it." I say kiss her cheek and setting her breakfast next to her on the vanity. She smiles at me.

"One more?" She asks puckering. I step back to her and kiss her mouth softly.

"I'll miss you today."

"I'll miss you more." She teases as I gather my things and head out the door.

Class kills my brain today. So much critical theory and heavy subject matter in abnormal psych. I am actually very passionate about this stuff but when it's all at once it can be a bit emotionally draining. Since it is something that is close to my heart though I get a lot of research done in class. The more I can avoid working at home the better. I literally have to jog to my car to get to the school in time for practice. I run through the doors making it right at 3:45.

"You're late!" Grace teases me.

"Absolutely not, I made it just in time. Just because I'm usually early doesn't mean I have to be." We laugh and catch up on the past weeks events. She is super booksmart as well so she is acing her classes. It's nice to not have to worry about that.

"Zoey, can you come here a minute?" I ask. She immediately looks to the floor as she approaches.

"I just wanted to congratulate you, grace said that you ended up beating the time of the girl who placed second in butterfly at your guys' practice." I start. She looks cautious in accepting the praise.

"Are you nervous?" I ask her softly.

"I just didn't know why you were being so nice to me." She says.

"I'm being nice because you did so well! And even if you didn't I wouldn't just stop being nice to you." She avoids eye contact.

"Zoey..." I pause trying to ask in the most delicate way that I can, "is there someone who isn't nice to you?" I ask. She won't look at me but her eyes water.

"No. Everything is fine." I see her guard shoot up fast and she walks away.

I try to focus on the practice but honestly my heart is heavy the rest of the time. I can't help but notice how hard Zoey is on herself and how every loud noise in the room seems to startle her. She seems to try to isolate herself from the other girls too. The look in her eyes reminds me of the expression that Ali gets when she thinks of _him._ Maybe I am reading too much into it, but I can't help but feel like something really terrible is going on in her life.

When we are finished with practice we all head for the doors. We do our typical high five routine, a few girls lingering to ask me some questions. I can't help but watch Zoey go out to meet her parents. The moment she is in the car I see the dad pointing a finger in her face and shouting. She numbly stares straight ahead. I feel sick to my stomach. How can he do that to his own child? I have only seen a few white blobby pictures of my daughter and I would never make her feel the way that he is making Zoey feel.

I think about it all the way home. I was going to stop and grab some flowers for Alison but I got distracted thinking about what I should or even am able to do to help Zoey. I drive right past the store by the time that I remember. I'll tell her, you know it's the thought that counts right? I think about my psychology classes and how I think a lot of the current ideas behind the methods and theories are very dated and problematic. I know what my books would tell me to do in Zoey's case but I just can't figure out what feels right.

"Hey you." Alison says from the couch, dipping oreos in a jar of peanut butter. I fall down exhausted next to her and nudge my way around her snacks to lay my head on her lap.

"You had a long day today, you look so sleepy." Ali says smoothing my hair.

"Ugh, you have no idea." I groan.

"What's the matter?" She asks lovingly.

"Promise me that we won't be bad parents." I say with a tired hand over my eyes.

"Well, we are of course going to try our hardest, and I think we make a pretty great team." She says, fingertips stroking my face and hands lightly.

"I just feel like, bad parents, the really mean ones, they probably don't mean to be. I mean they didn't start a family thinking 'hey let's have some kids and destroy their self esteem and make them miserable.' they probably thought that they were going to do just great. What if I'm like that? What if I think that I am going to be a great parent and that I'd love our little girl forever no matter what and then I end up being mean and yelling at her all the time." I am rambling.

"No one is better at building up someone than you. Emily, I have been in love with you since I was just a kid. But, if I was not 100% positive that you were going to be an amazing parent to my baby, then I never would have been with you. I acted on my love for you because I knew that I could trust you with our baby, not the other way around." Her words are like cool aloe on a bad sunburn.

"We are going to struggle and we are going to make mistakes. But if there is anything that I am sure of it is that you are the most loving and gentle person that I have ever met and have only gotten moreso now that you're going to be a mom." She kisses me right on the mouth and it's like she is drawing out all of my doubts.

"Thank you so much. You are so perfect for me. We really do make a great team." I smile at her.

"It's almost 7:00, are you ready?" She asks.

"I nearly forgot!" I sit up quickly and open my laptop.

No one is logged in to our group chat yet. So, I run to the fridge and grab some snacks first. I just now realized how hungry I am after my long and busy day. I of course bring double knowing that Alison will be picking at it too. Predictably she grabs a piece of cheese from me before I can even sit down.

"Hey, look at that, I'm early!" Spencer pops up first with five minutes to spare.

"Hey Spence!" We both greet her.

"So is it a boy or a girl! Tell me first! I should be rewarded for being early!" Spencer tries to pressure us. 

"Absolutely not! Aria would be sad and Hanna would be annoying about it so you will just have to wait." Alison teases and we all laugh.

"That sounds about right." Spencer says with a smile.

"What's up, bitches!" Hanna yells as she pops up.

"Do you always have to shout something obnoxious when you get on here?" Spencer asks feigning annoyance.

"Duh, it's me." Hanna responds.

"Hey everyone!" Aria chimes in and we all spend a couple minutes greeting each other.

"Now spill! No getting distracted this time!" Hanna steers us right back to the conversation.

"Who get's to say it this time?" Alison asks me.

"Let's both say it on three." I suggest.

"One… two…" They all lean towards their screens as we count, "Three: We're having a girl!" We both shout and everyone freaks out.

"Oh my god! A little baby Alison! That is so exciting!" Aria says.

"Oh man. Let's have this one declawed from the start though." Hanna says.

"Ha ha, very funny." Alison deadpans and scowls slightly at her.

"Oh man, Emily you are going to have Alison and Mini Alison under one roof, are you ready for all that?" Spencer laughs.

"Of course! One Alison is good, what's one more?" I joke with them.

"So when is Hanna Jr. due again?" Hanna asks.

"First of all, no way. Second of all March 15th." Alison says and Hanna rolls her eyes.

"I don't understand what's wrong with that name." Hanna insists and we all laugh.

"For real though, have you guys talked about a name yet?" Spencer asks.

"We talked a little bit about it. But nothing is decided at all yet." Alison smiles at me.

"Well, you know my vote." Hanna says causing more laughter.

"How have you been feeling Ali?" Aria asks.

"Good. Slightly less ferocious of an appetite but it's still more than usual. I feel good." Ali says.

"Good! I think about you guys a lot and hope you're all doing okay." Aria says sincerely.

"Same." Hanna smiles seriously.

"Me too." Spencer does that precious little lip pout that she does when she is being sentimental.

"Ugh, I love you guys. I miss you all too much. Come to Philly." Alison says clearly getting sad thinking about them.

"For real you guys know that this door is always open to you all." I add.

"Well, i would love to come see you right now actually but, Caleb is making dinner tonight so I better go." Hanna says.

"Are you guys doing alright? I ask.

"It's been good so far. Think it may stick this time. We'll see." Hanna shrugs her shoulders like it's no big deal.

"As long as you're happy." I shake my head. But I personally can't imagine the stress that would cause me with Alison.

"I'm going to go too, I have an art project to work on. Love you guys!" Aria says. We all say our goodbyes.

"Now that it's just us, i wanted to ask you something. Do you think that I could come visit for thanksgiving? My mom and my dad and Melissa are all over and I don't want to be involved in the drama of picking a place to celebrate. And Toby has to work anyway. Would your family mind if I joined them?" Spencer asks. I look to Alison and she nods.

"Of course you can Spence! You can stay here or maybe we could all stay at mom's. I would love to see you!" I feel a bit choked up thinking about having her here.

"Is Jason coming?" Spencer asks.

"I know he is planning on spending the first half of the day at the homeless shelter serving dinner but I'm sure that he could come after." Ali says.

"Yeah please, invite him. You know my mom, the more the merrier." I smile. I love the holidays so much. I love being with all of my family.

"Great, thank you guys so much, I can't wait to see you! I'm going to go to though, I love you guys." She says waving at the camera. We say goodbye and her screen goes black.

"That went well. I can't wait to see Spencer!" I say kissing on her neck and cheek.

"I can't wait to love on you tonight." She says all husky and I smile. I start to mess with her clothes.

"Nope. You had a hard day. Tonight I'm going to make you forget it all." She says making my heart skip a bit.

Within a few seconds, I'm not thinking about my long day. I'm thinking about the woman in front of me who I love more than anything in the entire world.

The next day Alison is at work and I'm already done with classes so I'm trying to relax around the house. I studied for a couple hours and then did a whole lot of emailing and calling for swim. Some scouts from Stanford and from UCLA are both coming out to our next meet to watch Grace. I also set up a meeting with the board of directors and the principal so we could talk about my position. I want to be able to provide for Ali and the baby.

I get thinking about the name then. I really would love to name the baby for the girls. We have all shaped each other so much. I wouldn't be the woman that I am today without them and honestly I probably wouldn't be with her mom if it weren't for them. I pull out piece of paper and write down "Aria, Spencer, Hanna, and Alison" and stare at them. There must be a way to combine them all. I rewrite the first letters. "A, H, S, A" I think I may be on the right path.


	19. The Name Game

I look at the clock and see that I have just over an hour and a half until Ali gets home so I start on dinner. Tonight she'll be having indian spiced sauteed veggies and beans served in an eggplant bowl with some from scratch naan bread. I made her a mango puree and pineapple juice blend earlier today because she has been craving citrus flavors lately which can mean a vitamin c deficiency. I certainly want to avoid that. She comes in deeply inhaling at the air and setting her things down abruptly beside the door.

"Oh my god, Em, what are you making? It smells like heaven!" She says, her eyes wide as she comes to wrap her arms around me.

"Indian veggies in an eggplant, and this." I say pouring her a glass of the juice blend. She practically chugs at it.

"I am literally in heaven." She says kissing me. Her mouth tastes like an island getaway.

"Just wait until you try the food" I say pulling the two halves of the eggplant out of the oven.

I used red peppers, black beans, lentils, eggplant pieces, zucchini, and tomatoes all covered in curry, cumin, garlic, and red chili paste. We sit side by side at the breakfast bar and completely indulge in our food while we catch up on our days. I love times like this together. Where we can talk and laugh and enjoy a meal and forget for a moment that we aren't a conventional couple. It's not that I mind being unconventional, it's just that normalcy is a nice change of pace.

She cleans up after dinner and we decide to tell our families tonight. I'm going to call my mom while she goes to call Jason. I know that my mom was secretly pulling for a girl so she'll be just beside herself. I am excited to tell her. The phone begins to ring and I can't help but smile giddily waiting for her to pick up. It only makes it two rings.

"Hello? Em?" Mom says ecstatically.

"Hey mom." I say casually.

"So..." She says pleadingly. I pause for dramatic affect.

"Well we went in for our check up. Alison is doing great, growing exactly how she should. And we got some new ultrasound pictures too. She's growing exactly like she should too." I say it all nonchalantly.

"She!?" She's crying now and I laugh dropping the cool casual act.

"Yes mom, we're having a little girl!" I say excitedly.

"Oh goodness, I'm going to get her little dresses and Mary Janes and bows! At least until she's old enough to complain about it like you!" She is beaming.

"I don't care what she is into or what she's wearing as long as she is happy and healthy." I smile trying to picture our little girl.

"You guys will always see to that. You're going to be such good parents! I'm going to call your dad and tell him, unless you wanted to?" She asks.

"You can, I'm sure I'll hear from him soon. I love you mom!" I say as we get off the phone.

Alison takes an extra fifteen minutes with Jason so I grab a book off the shelf that I bought the other day between classes. I thumb through the pages and tear up all over again. Alison steps out of our room and comes to sit beside me.

"Jason was excited it's a girl, I had to talk him down when I told him that _he_ had contacted me but I think it's all good now. How did Mama Fields react?" She asks.

"She cried as predicted." We both laugh.

"What's that?" She asks gesturing towards the book in my lap.

"Well, Kendra said that the baby liked hearing my voice so between classes I got this book and I thought that maybe I could read it to her? I mean if that's weird or cheesy I don't have to. I just want her to get to know me too." I say shyly.

"Em... You are the sweetest woman I have have ever known." She says kissing me several times in a row. I feel so loved when she looks at me the way that she is right now.

"A mother held her new baby..." I begin reading "Love You Forever" to Alison's tummy. It feels a little weird at first but soon the three of us relax and it just feels so right.

We are both blubbering messes by the end of the book. This book has always pulled at my heart strings but now that I'm a parent it feels entirely different. I can barely stand to look at the cover without being racked with sobs. I wipe at my tears and then Ali's.

"Could you pick something that doesn't make me want to vomit next time?" She asks breaking the tension as we have to laugh a bit.

"I remember my mom reading it to me and it always stuck with me but reading it now it means even more." I say wrapping her in my arms.

"I'm so lucky to have you. So is she." She says. It still astounds me, because I'm the lucky one.

"Remember when you and I dreamt about Paris." I say linking our fingers.

"Of course." She settles into my chest.

"When you were gone, I used to think about that all the time. I wondered if you meant what you said about wanting me there with you. Things had ended so terribly between us that nothing felt definite." I say.

"Of course I meant it. It was the mean Ali that wasn't real. Our dreams were very real to me. Sometimes I would focus hard on dreaming of Paris to get me through the hard times. Imagining that I was with you there." She said dreamily.

"I dreamt of that too. I dreamt that you weren't really missing, that you were standing on the lookout deck of the eiffel tower just waiting for me. Then when they thought that you were dead, I still dreamt it. Maybe part of me always knew you weren't really gone." I feel my body begin to shake slightly remembering how it felt to lose her. She turns over to meet my eyes and puts a firm hand on my face.

"I'll never disappear again. If I ever get to Paris, I'm taking you with me. Wherever I go, I'm taking you with me." She says it passionately staring into my eyes and all I can do is wrap her tightly in my arms and bury my face in her neck. She really does always know what I need to hear.

We go to bed shortly after and I am forever thankful to be the girl who gets to wrap her arms around Alison DiLaurentis every night.

I feel a nudge as gentle as can be on my shoulder. It seems weird to me because Alison almost always sleeps longer than me when she can. I open my eyes and she is kneeling beside the bed looking at my face. Her expression is frightened, just like when she had heard from _him._ I sit straight up and put a protective arm across her looking to the door.

"Is everything okay? Did he contact you? Is he here?" I spit the words out fast ready to fight.

"No, it's okay Em." She grabs my arm to stop me from launching at the door.

"I just had a nightmare and when I got up to get a drink I knocked my wrist brace off the counter and it scared me and made me think about things." Her lip has to try not to quiver as she relays the story and I notice how tense and shaky she is now. It's hard for me to come back down from my fight mode.

"It's okay baby, he can't get you here." I say wrapping her in my arms.

"He could." She cries.

"I won't let him. Don't you underestimate me baby. I won't let anyone hurt you ever again." I say it more fiercely than intended and I think she gets it.

"Here." I say and I walk to the living room. I feel goosebumps rise all over me as the cool air hits my bare legs. I drag our cushioned chair and a blanket into the bedroom and pull back the curtains so that the large window can reveal the beautiful sun rising.

"Now come and let me hold you while we watch this sunrise." I say pointing the chair to the window and extending my blanket wrapped arms.

She smiles slightly and climbs into my arms. I love cuddling in this chair because it's so comfortable and we have to be extra close. The sun is beautiful today. It fills the sky with neon orange and streaks of pink and red. I feel her trembling getting more and more faint. Her breathing eventually slows and blends with mine. I feel the tension leave her body until she is relaxed enough to play with my hair. She sighs with contentment.

"You always bring me back from the edge baby." She whispers as the last of the painted sky begins to fade into blue. I feel like our hearts are one beating together. Our bodies are perfectly in sync. I've never felt more at peace than as I drift back to sleep.

When we wake again we are both running late but I think we can agree that it was well worth it. I get home before her again today and the first thing that I do is throw that wrist brace away. She won't be needing that again if I can help it. I make myself a smoothie and put some soup in the crock pot and then pull my name list back out and stare at it some more.

A H S A.

H A S A

S A H A

A S H A... you know maybe we could just use one a, to represent both Ali and Aria. I don't know how much that helps me. I hear the door open and jump badly startled. I cover the list in front of me casually.

"Oh, hey sweetheart. You're home early." I say smiling like a weirdo. I was always the worst liar.

"What are you working on?" Ali asks as she sets her things down.

"Oh, nothing really I was just making a list." I say. She of course comes and leans over my shoulder to take a look.

"Em, are these names for the baby using the girls initials?" She asks smiling.

"Yeah. I was just kind of brainstorming, it's probably dumb." I say shaking my head.

"No, here let me see that." She says staring for awhile. I feel bad for her sometimes because since Spencer was the smartest of us Alison never really got credit for her intelligence but she is really good at word games and such.

"You forgot a letter." She says adding an E to the mix. I smile.

"Are you sure?" I kind of stammer.

"Of course. She should be named after both her mommies." She says returning her attention to the list.

"What about," she starts and then rearranges the letters, "this?" She asks and I smile brightly. I don't know if she's sure yet but I certainly know my vote for a name.

"It's perfect" I beam.

"Did we just name our girl?" Ali says with giddy excitement.

"I think we did!" I exclaim.

 **Sorry that this took forever, my computer isn't cooperating and I didn't know how to post from my phone but I think that I figured it out. I hope that I haven't lost you all! Thank you so much for reading, and especially reviewing. It always makes my day and inspires me to keep going when I hear from you guys!**


	20. We're On Each Other's Team

"If we tell everyone then they'll judge us and we'll end up hating the name before she's even born." I present to Alison.

"But I don't want to be one of those annoying couples that is all secretive about it. It always feels so pretentious to me." Alison retorts.

"It's not pretentious, it's just that she's our little girl so we don't have to share anything that we don't want to." I plead. I don't know why I feel so secretive about things like this.

"But I want everyone to know her name, and that it was your idea, because I have the best and smartest and sweetest and most thoughtful girlfriend in the entire world." She says placing tiny kisses on my mouth between every word.

"While your flattery is amazing and appreciated, how about we compromise and we wait at least until Christmas when everyone is here to tell them. That's practically a month away." I say letting my arms rest around her waist as she is now straddling my lap. She pouts her bottom lip out at me.

"Fine." She says. I kiss her protruding lip.

"Now, I have a major paper to write. Unfortunately I find that very hard to do with you on my lap so as much as I hate it, you're going to have to get up." I say patting her thighs.

"God, you're such a buzzkill today." She says as she climbs off of my lap. I pat her hand as we both laugh slightly.

I really do have to focus on this paper. It's due our last day before break and I haven't focused nearly enough on it. Not to mention that I decided to change my subject at the last minute. I want to look at how parenting affects certain mental disorders seen in adulthood. I really can't stop thinking about Zoey and how the way that her parents are treating her seems to be affecting her. I wonder what kind of person she would be, what she'd be able to accomplish, if she weren't being taught to hate herself. I know that my professor will be expecting something sports related but I'm finding it harder and harder to focus on the side of my work when it come to school. I mean I love my job, but I think that it is becoming less and less about the sports and more and more about changing kids' lives.

I feel myself fall into a steady rhythm of writing and I know that my method drives Alison crazy. I tend to write a very raw and basic version of what I want to say in it's entirety and then go back through and flesh it out and add my research and proofread it then. She is a perfectionist and writes one paragraph at a time making sure that it is flawless before moving on to the next one. I usually don't let her help me until I am on my third or fourth revision. I wonder what she will think about the subject matter on this one. I'm almost nervous to show her.

"Are you ready to have Spencer here next week?" I ask finding a good point to take a break.

"Yeah, it will be good to see her. I'm still a bit nervous but excited too." She says looking up from her book.

"Nervous?" I ask.

"You know how we are. Two similar personalities tend to clash. I love her so much and I love her love for you but I'm always worried that things will go back to the old rivalry with us." She sets her book down entirely so she can commit her attention to me. It's the little ways that she shows she cares.

"It will be fine Al. You know that I'll always be on your side." I say squeezing her foot for good measure.

She smiles at me but I know that she is still unsure. I know that there is nothing I can say to help her feel better right now so I just rub her feet instead. If I can't ease her mind maybe I can at least ease her pain. She groans dramatically and drops her book to the ground completely melting into my touch.

"Oh my sweet lord, Emily you're a god!" She moans looking immediately drowsy with relief.

"Baby if your feet hurt you should have just told me, I would have done this for you a long time ago." I say exerting precise pressure into all of the curves of her foot.

"I didn't know how bad they were until you started." She is completely limp but smiling.I love making her feel good.

"Well, now that we know, they'll never get this bad again." I say continuing to rub.

I rub her feet back and forth for an hour before I have to get ready for swim practice. We have a meet this weekend so I need them to work extra hard. I scheduled my meeting for Monday after our meet. It was a heavy risk considering if any of the girls tank then it's going to look pretty bad on me. But I have faith in them. We're going to be just fine. I stand to get ready.

"Em, do you think that I could go with you? Like I used to?" She asks nervously, like I may get mad.

"Of course, I would love to have you there! The girls ask about you from time to time." I assure her and put a hand softly to the side if her face. When she seems afraid of me I can't help but touch her sweetly where he hurt her so that she knows she'll never feel that way again.

"I just feel like I haven't been in forever. I guess before I mostly went when we were hanging out afterwards. Now that we live together we don't exactly 'hangout'. I still love watching you coach." She says standing and stretching to get ready.

"We would love to have you. I love you watching me coach." I smile and get ready with a new pep in my step with the thought of having Alison watch practice.

We end up arriving earlier than all of my girls. So we sit in the stands with our arms wrapped around one another looking out over the blue water of the pool. I feel so at home. The smell of chlorine and my love in my arms, it's a swimmers dream. We begin to kiss and it deepens more and more until we are full on making out and her hand is under my shirt touching my stomach.

"Babe, the girls will be here any minute." I mumble breathlessly between kisses.

"Ugh, I just want to redo do my high school fantasies" she grumbles as she reluctantly pulls away.

"You had fantasies about us in high school too?" I ask with sudden interest.

"Of course I did. Why do you think I always came to watch you swim? Or why I asked you to teach me how? Rejecting you in the locker room that day was the hardest thing I'd ever done, not just because I hurt you so terribly but because I had been constantly dreaming and fantasizing about making love to you all over that locker room." She says, and I don't think that she could possibly understand the effect that her words are having on me. But, of course, it is Alison. I'm sure she knows good and well what she is doing to me.

"I had no idea. You know it would only be fair for us to reenact your fantasies, since we got to reenact some of mine." I say cocking a sexy grin her way.

"I love it when you're bad." She says. Smiling back with her lustful eyes.

I hear the gym door swing open and I grudgingly slide away from her. She smiles sweetly at me then and gives me a wink. I squeeze her hand and walk out to see who's here. Grace is of course first here with couple of other girls following close behind. Grace greets Alison happily and winks at me. I shake my head laughing at her. She goes to get dressed with the rest of the girls that are here and from the corner of my eye I see Zoey walk in. I head over to her.

"Hey girl, how's your week been?" I ask, trying to show interest in her well being, I'm sure she doesn't get a lot of that.

"Oh, I'm okay." She seems surprised by the question.

"Well I bet you're going to do better than okay at our meet this weekend! Are you excited?" I ask. She actually cracks a smile.

"I am a little. I'm still nervous though." She says.

"It's okay to feel nervous, is there anything that I could do to help?" I ask.

"No, you've already helped so much. My mom said that she's coming to watch me so I'll have someone out in the crowd this time. That should help." She says with cautious sounding hope.

"That's great! We will all be rooting for you!" I assure her.

"Now come here there is someone I want you to meet." I say leading her to the bleachers.

"Alison, this is Zoey. My most promising freshman." I say presenting her to Ali.

"Hi Zoey, I've heard so much about you!" She says happily. They share a look then that I can't quite place, maybe understanding?

"Hi." She says quietly extending her hand.

Alison speaks to her carefully and purposefully. Before I know it she has Zoey talking and laughing. I just step back and watch in amazement. I can barely get Zoey to say five words at a time to me and Alison has her beaming over books that they both have read and cracking up over movie quotes. How does Alison always get to someone's core so fast?

"While I love to see you guys having a good time, it's about time to start so you may need to go get ready Zoey." I smile warmly at her.

"Will you be staying all through practice Ali?" She asks turning to Alison.

"I will. Go get 'Em." Ali replies laughing.

Zoey hurries away and looks a bit lighter than I've ever seen her look. I look back to Alison and shake my head slightly in awe. She shrugs her shoulders and I am not sure if she actually doesn't realize how significant that conversation was or of she is just playing coy. Either way I think that I will have to bring her around more often.

I have the girls circle up and we talk out everyone's worries. We do our stretches and I have the girls do a couple fast paced drills to get them warmed up. Then I have them split up by stroke and have them try to beat their times from last practice. I am immediately impressed, the girls are on fire! Every single one of them beats their former time. Zoey shaved off the most time improving by 11.3 seconds. I can't hold back from cheering and jumping up and down as she taps that wall the last time and I see her time. Ali and the rest of the girls join in so that as she gets out of the pool she is blushing and smiling widely.

"Did I do alright Coach?" She asks.

"Zoey, you did better than alright!" Grace laughs throwing an arm around her shoulders.

"Take a look." I show her the watch and she looks like she may cry.

"That is 1.6 seconds faster than the _senior_ from Overbrook who got first place at our last meet! I knew you could do it!" I say beaming with pride for her. To my surprise she suddenly throws her arms around my neck.

"Thank you." She whispers. I can barely hold back the tears in my eyes.

"Thank you, Zoey. For not giving up." I say squeezing her tight. I see Alison in the crowd wiping at her eyes.

Before I can even settle into the hug she is right back to her tough teen performance and thanking the girls for their congratulations. She seems so bewildered when she is in the spotlight. I know she isn't used to attention. I'm so proud of my girls for encouraging her and treating her with care.

"I'm proud of all of you, you all blew your times out of the water. It doesn't matter what place that you come in as long as you are giving it your all. And you guys certainly did that today! Now, don't lose this energy, I want to see you girls sweep this next meet! College scouts will be there so let's all do our best!" I remind them and let them go shower and change. Zoey is the first done and she immediately comes over to Alison to finish their conversation about 'Beloved' and all the other books that they both love. They chatter away for another ten minutes before Zoey nervously checks her watch.

"Oh, I have to go, dad doesn't like waiting. Bye!" She waves to us as she runs towards the parking lot. I hate letting her go back to her home life. I walk over to Alison.

"You have no idea what you just did for that girl." I say shaking my head.

"Me? She talked about you non stop when you weren't around." Alison seems surprised.

"What do you mean? I've been trying to get through to her for weeks and she has completely shut me out. She spoke more to you tonight than she has to me since I've known her." I say.

"Well you may have been getting through more than you know. She says you're the nicest person that she's ever met and that she wants to make you proud. She said that you're really understanding with all of the girls and that you care about everyone." She says and I can't believe what I'm hearing.

"Did she really say all that?" I ask.

"Cross my heart." Ali says making an x over her heart with her fingertip.

"I've never made her smile and laugh like that though. You were so natural with her." I play with one of her golden curls lightly.

"It was easy. We have a lot in common. I think she could tell she was safe with me. She could tell that I had been there." She says gesturing towards her formerly battered eye. I can't help but pull her tight into my arms at the memory.

"You're going to be the best mom in the world." I whisper into her ear.

"We are going to be the best team in the world." She says rubbing my back. And for the first time, I truly believe her.


	21. Believe in Dreams

**Hey everyone! So I was just thinking that in a couple chapters when I'm writing the Thanksgiving chapter that I may do a couple of flashbacks worked into it to give a glimpse into the years leading up to this point. Or maybe using some flashbacks as openers for some chapters? Let me know what you guys think. If you are interested I may try it out if you like how its structur**

I am up and ready two hours before Alison's alarm will be going off. I have got to get a final draft together for my class so I am proofing over my paper one last time before putting it through my personal editor. After the practice that we had I definitely wanted to add some things about how people can be reached and supported and how that can affect the outcome of their abusive situations. I am as happy as I am going to be with it so I leave it open with a note asking Alison to check it over for me. I make her a green smoothie and leave it in the fridge for her. I hate leaving without making her a more elaborate breakfast but I have so much to do before break starts and before the meet tomorrow. Not to mention that I have to study for my math final. I did well on the last test and quiz though so I think that I should be okay. I head out the door with a bagel in my mouth and still zipping my coat.

I head first to my office to reply to and compose what feels like 100,000 emails. I make a call to the Stanford and UCLA scouts and even a few more local colleges who all promise to be there. They obviously all want Grace but I have a few other fairly promising seniors as well. With all of that taken care of I brainstorm some new team building exercises for us to do over break. I still hold practices during break even if they are a bit less physical. Everything seems to be in order here. I leave to go to the library. I get in a solid forty-five minute study session and head in to take the test. I don't have too much trouble and am the fifth person done so it didn't feel too early or too late. I head to my next three classes and stop at the store in between and pick up a copy of The Giving Tree to read to baby girl later. I manage to even grab a few groceries on my way home. When I open the door, Alison is on the couch looking at my paper crying. I drop my bags to the ground and kneel in front of her.

"Baby, what's wrong? Are you okay?" I ask. She grabs my hand nodding.

"I just read your paper." Emotion takes her voice before she can finish. She puts her hand on my chest.

"Your heart, Em. You just have such a pure heart, and I love you so much." Seeing her cry always makes me feel on edge, like I need to fight away whatever evil is making her feel this way. I kiss at her tears and wrap my arms tightly around her. She buries her face into my neck.

"Shh, shh, shh. It's okay." I don't know how else to comfort her.

"This pure heart beats only for you two. I hope you know that." I say kissing her mouth and then her belly. She wipes at her eyes.

"Your ideas are profound, Em. You could really do something with this." She says pointing to the screen.

"I know that I've dedicated all of this time to sports psychology but I have been thinking about doing something different lately." I say lightly, terrified of judgement.

"I will support you no matter what you choose, but honestly Em, I think that you are moving in a different direction too." She agrees.

"It's all so overwhelming." I say laying my head in her lap where she plays with my hair.

"It will be okay. You had a bunch of grants and stuff didn't you? Not to mention the money from our lawsuit against the Rosewood Police Department." She reminds me.

"Yeah, money isn't an issue when it comes to school. I just want to make the right decision. For all of us." I admit, squeezing her hand before walking over to put groceries away.

"It will all come together. It's going to be okay." She says confidently.

"I sure hope so." I breathe out.

She shows me the revisions that she has made to my paper and we discuss it further. I love having her here to help me, plus it feels like old times when we would study together. Her dimples haven't changed a bit since high school. They always seem to come out the most when she smiles at me. We talk about the swim meet and she says she's coming. It will be nice to have her there to calm me down if I get to stressed trying to get to every girl's event. I am so excited though overall. I know we will do well. I know I need to rest up though so we take a relaxing shower together after I read baby girl her bedtime story and sleep skin to skin all night long.

We wake early the next morning and though I am feeling anxious I slept so well that it is certainly taking the edge off for me. I make a huge bowl of fruit salad and a veggie tray to take with us and make Alison some pecan and pumpkin pancakes. She comes out all dressed in crimson and gold and looks so adorable that I have to kiss her over and over.

"Wow, someone is exuberant today." She smiles at me.

"I've just always loved seeing you in my teams colors that's all." I say kissing her more deeply.

"I've always loved being your little cheerleader." She says coyly before heading to the breakfast bar.

She thoroughly enjoys her breakfast and kisses me a thousand times to show me. We grab our bags and our snacks and head out the door. The sports center holding the meet is massive, this is the most important meet before finals. Essentially this is what qualifies us for semi finals. One end has two large pools and there are three smaller ones at the opposite side of the building. All of the girls agreed that they could get rides over there since its fairly close to the school so we could save some money not taking a bus. I find my the majority of my girls and wait for the rest to filter in. I see a car pull up and a lady in a fancy business suit and hairspray stiffened hair steps out still chatting loudly into her phone. Zoey gets out of the passenger side but her mom looks to busy to care. She covers the phone for a moment and turns to Zoey.

"You better make it worth my while to come back here!" She says and gets back in her car and drives away.

"Hey you!" I smile to her and extend my arm to her. I give her I quick side hug hoping to alleviate the sting of her mother's words.

"At least she's coming back right?" She says sadly.

"And, you're going to do great today!" I say straight to her face. She smiles a bit and steps over to say hello to Ali and Grace who have been chatting for awhile.

"Okay ladies, we need to get inside and find a meeting place and then find out where we are all headed. I will try to make it to everyone's events but its a big building and some of you may be going at the same time so I'm sorry if I miss it, I believe in all of you!" I beam at their excited faces and we head inside.

"You don't have to worry about making it to mine Coach Fields. My mom will be there and some girls' parents can't make it." Zoey says hurrying to catch up with me. For some reason her words sting a little.

"You have a big heart Zoey, always thinking of others." I smile to her and she shyly smiles to the ground.

I check us in and get a list of the events and locations. I pass them out to the girls and take a pen and mark down the most efficient way for me to get to everybody's events. One of my sophomores does have an event going during Zoey's so maybe I should just go to hers. I mean I was at both of her events last meet but I know her parents aren't here this time. I add her to the list.

I see the scouts from UCLA are already here so I take Grace over and introduce them. She has them laughing in no time. No one is immune to her charm. They are already wrapped around her finger.

I greet the scouts from Cornell and Villanova and point out my seniors and juniors. They of course want to meet Grace but I spend more time talking up a couple of my other seniors knowing that they want to stay in state. They would be lucky to have any of my girls, and I make sure that they know it.

The first part of the day flies by. The girls have placed in every event so far. I feel bad for the girls who have to enter the pool with Grace. She is at a level far beyond them. There is no competition. I think they all know that they are only really competing for second place. Today is no different, she even beats the record that she set last year. She is going to go places with talent and drive like that. Her events are done for the day so she starts dropping by the last few events that I can't make it to.

I leave Alison at our meeting point to talk to the girls who stop by to grab some snacks and take a break after or between their events. I am at my sophomore Ashley's event and she is doing super well. I still wonder how Zoey is doing but I know that she can do it. I watch that timer stoically glancing occasionally to Ashley in her lane. She's gaining and gaining. Neck and neck with two other swimmers. Come on, Ash.

"Yes, there it is! Look at you!" I can't contain myself as she places second and more importantly beats her own personal best time.

"You did it!" I beam throwing my arms around the girl.

"You got me here coach! I couldn't have done it without you!" She is ecstatic. Over her shoulder I see Grace run in with a worried look.

"Coach!" She shouts waving me over.

"You good here for a bit?" I ask Ashley, not wanting her to feel abandoned.

"Of course, thanks for being here!" She nods.

"What's wrong Grace?" I ask, my brow furrowing with concern.

"Zoey's mom cancelled on her right before she went out. She's devastated." Grace says and my stomach drops.

"Oh no, how did she do?" I ask, hoping that she didn't also do poorly in the pool because I know how hard it would be for her.

"That's the thing, they started her event and she wasn't looking so hot, dead last, but then a swimmer from Northeast tore a muscle and they had to stop the event and are about to restart it." Grace's urgency suddenly makes sense.

"Let's go!" I match her urgency and we take off.

I run through the halls just hoping to get there in time. I grab Alison and a few of the other girls who are finished with their events on the way. Everyone stares at us as we run past them but I don't care. We are all for one. I can see through the windows that the swimmers are about to take their marks as we bust into the gym and make our way towards them. Zoey looks up and freezes for a moment.

"Come on, Zoey! You can do it!" Grace shouts and a small smile creeps onto her face.

"We're here for you, Zoey! We've got you!" Ali yells and I grip her shoulders.

"You've got this!" I yell.

When the announcer calls the swimmers to their marks she bows down with a fierce determination. It is a look I know we'll. The look I used to get when Alison came to one of my meets. The look that Grace gets when the scouts have their eyes on her. It's the look of confidence you get when you know that someone is behind you no matter what, and the look you get when you know you're about to blow everyone else out of the water.

The horn sounds and we are all cheering as Zoey quickly establishes herself in second place. If she knew she was second to start out she would be so mad at herself but she hasn't been watching that senior from Overbrook for the past few years. She is the opposite of Zoey. Her start is unmatched. But, as she keeps going her speed decreases. Zoey just gets more and more into it. She has this in the bag.

"Oh my god, she's going to do it." I hear Grace say beside me.

When she taps that wall the last time, we erupt with applause like I have never heard. You would think that there were fifty of us rather than ten of us. I can't help the tears on my cheeks. Zoey placed first with 1.02 seconds to spare. I'm hugging Grace and jumping up and down and turn and kiss Ali right on the mouth not caring about blowing my cover with the girls anymore. I look to Zoey who looks up at her time and grabs her head in disbelief. She rockets out of the water and points to us. I point back to her as they pull her aside. I feel a hand on my elbow.

"Ms. Fields?" The scout from Cornell leads me away from my group.

"Did you you enjoy the events today?" I ask brightly.

"We did. What can you tell me about Zoey Stephens?" He asks excitedly.

"Oh, you mean my most improved, Overbrook slaying, hardest working freshman? What do you need to know?" We share a laugh and I fill him in on her improvements and work ethic.

"Well, we will be in touch. You let her know that we liked what we saw today though." He smiles and walks away.

After the awards ceremony we all stand outside, Zoey and I just a bit away from the other girls. We are quiet but comfortable. I want to tell her that her mom and dad are wrong for treating her the way that they do. I want to tell her that it isn't her fault. I want to tell her how amazing she is. But, I don't know that she is ready to hear all of that.

"I still can't believe it." She smiles at the gold medal hanging around her neck.

"Well, believe it girl, and get used to it. You are so talented. Don't tell her I said so, but you are even better than Grace was as a freshman." I reveal. She looks at me shocked then looks back to the medal.

"Thank you." She says it with such a depth that I know that she means more than just for what I just said.

I see her mom's car pulling up and she gives me such a quick hug that I wasn't prepared for it. She hops in her mom's car and waves as they pull away. I feel something in my coat pocket then. It is a piece of paper. Alison comes and wraps her arms around my waist then and reads over my shoulder.

"I wish that you and Alison were my parents. You're going to do really well together. That baby is lucky to have you."

I can barely finish reading from the tears in my eyes. I turn to put my hand right on Alison's belly.

"I love you, Shae." I whisper to our daughter.

 **I figured that just because their friends and family have to wait to find out the name of the baby doesn't mean you guys should too! Shout out to Haleb-Haleb-Haleb for guessing it and to the guest and Hashtag-emison and Drea82581 for almost guessing it with Sasha, you were strangely close haha.**

 **And thank you all for your loyalty and support! I can't wait to read your feedback!**


	22. The Way She Looks When You Arent Looking

I love Alison. She is beautiful with no make up and hair a mess. I think it is adorable how she still puts such effort into her appearance even if we are just running to the corner store. She is very talented at doing her makeup. She also has a very keen eye for fashion. I love all of these things. But we only have fifteen minutes until we have to leave to pick Spencer up from the airport and she is still in the bathroom and right now I want to pull my hair out. I finally knock on the door.

"Alison, please hurry we have to go, you know Spencer's tolerance for lateness." I plead. I hear a weird sliding noise followed by the click of the door knob. I open the door to find Ali curled up by the toilet.

"Oh. God, I'm sorry baby. Are you okay?" My tenseness switches from annoyed to worry in an instant.

"I feel miserable." She says.

"I'll call the doctor." I exclaim.

"No, I'm sure it's normal. I've been lucky so far. It's just morning sickness I'm sure." She assures me.

"Would eating help? I could make you a peanut butter sandwich?" I offer. She immediately wretches again.

"No peanut butter ever again." She manages before laying down.

I text Spencer explaining why I'll be a bit late. I grab a water and and wash cloth. I get the wash cloth wet with cool water and place it on the back of Alison's neck. I bring her a blanket and pillow.

"Do you need anything else sweetheart?" I ask rubbing her back softly.

"No, god you're so amazing." She mumbles sliding to the ground to lay in her makeshift bed.

"Is it okay if I go get Spencer?" I ask. She sleepily nods.

"Do you want me to take her out to eat first to buy you some more alone time or do you want us to come straight back?" I ask.

"I'll want some more time. You are so thoughtful Em." She says squeezing my hand.

I reluctantly walk out the door. I hate to leave her like this. I hope it is just the baby causing problems. I know that she can't take a lot of medicines so once me and Spencer get to wherever we are going to eat I will have to look up natural remedies. I want her to feel better as soon as possible. I pull up to the airport and Spence is already outside waiting. She excitedly waves at me with a beaming smile. She puts her bag in my backseat and is in my passenger's seat before I can even open my door to help.

"Hey pretty lady!" She says ecstatically and I can't throw my arms around her neck fast enough.

"Oh my god I missed you so much." I say into her mahogony hair.

"I missed you too!" She says. It really does feel good to be near her. Like a part of you has been missing for a long time and suddenly its back.

"Where is Ali?" She asks noticing her lack. The honking taxi behind us makes our hug come to an end as I pull away.

"Having her first bout of morning sickness actually." I say sadly.

"Oh no, are you okay?" She asks.

"Don't you mean is she okay?" I ask her.

"No, I mean you. Ali can handle a bit of sickness. You can't handle not being able to cure her." She says knowingly.

"I do want to stop by the store on the way home and find some natural remedies for her. Just in case." I confess.

"Absolutely Dr. Fields." She laughs.

We eat at a small cafe with good food and great coffee. I know Spencer just as well as she knows me. I catch her up on everything that I can about Alison's pregnancy and everything. I tell her our plans for the name reveal at Christmas. While she is disappointed she understands my point of view.

"So what about you? I've heard about baby and Ali but not you." She says sipping at her triple shot espresso.

"Oh not too much. All of my girls placed at our last meet. I made the Dean's list. And I got a significant promotion." I say casually into my chai.

"What!? That's all huge! I can't believe that you didn't tell me any of this!" She exclaims.

"Well, I guess saying it out loud like that it kind of is a big deal. Honestly if it doesn't have to do with Alison or the baby here lately I just don't prioritize it." I confess.

"Em, you can't focus so much on them that you lose yourself. It is great to put them first but you need to celebrate personal gain too!" She says placing a hand on mine. She can see that I'm a bit upset thinking about all of this and for once she relents.

"So tell me about this promotion." She changes the subject.

"It's kind of perfect actually. I am head of athletics but still the swim coach as well. I get to do what I was doing before plus oversee the other coaches. They have to pass their plans and everything to me so I am getting to make a difference. Helping people be fair and encourage support and teamwork. And my pay doubled so there's that." I hadn't realized until now just how excited about the job I am.

"That sounds so great! That will certainly help with the baby coming!" Spencer's excitement over my accomplishments feels really nice. Not that Alison wasn't excited for me, just that she has been a bit preoccupied.

"About that, Em you are okay with everything?" She asks using more tact than usual.

"I am. At first I was afraid that it would bother me to raise another man's baby but then I realized that that isn't what I'm doing at all. This is my baby. My daughter. And I'm going to love her until the day I die." I smile in spite of myself.

"You do seem really happy. Radiant." Spencer smiles too.

"God, move back here Spence. I miss you all so much." I say staring at my friend.

"I really love D.C. and what its doing for my networking and future career, but honestly I've been thinking about switching schools in a couple years when I'm ready for grad school." She says it cautiously.

"Where were you thinking of going?" I ask.

"Well you know that I used to dream of Penn Law. I went away thinking that I had just felt pressure to stay here because my parents wanted me to. But I think that when I'm done at Georgetown, UPenn may be my new home." She says.

"Oh my god that would be so great Spencer. I think you would love UPenn!" I say trying to hide how ecstatic I am at the possibility of her joining me.

"I haven't decided anything yet of course. But it's a real possibility. Toby is doing great as a paramedic and he loves it so he could get a job doing that anywhere." She adds.

"I miss him too." I say sadly remembering how for a time, Toby was the only person that I felt safe with. He will always mean the world to me.

"Are you ready to go get some stuff for Alison?" She asks, now finished with her caffiene.

"Oh, yeah. I forgot to look that up." I say pulling out my phone.

"Don't bother. You need peppermint and chamomile. I'll show you." She says, taking charge just when she needs to as always.

We walk to a close by little market. I can tell that Spencer really likes the feel of the shops around here. Anything make her more inclined to come here! She chatters away gathering some peppermint candies and some live peppermint plants and some loose leaf dried chamomile. We walk around and look at things some more just to laugh and reminisce. I text Ali and she says she is feeling a lot better so we head back. It's amazing how you can be without someone for so long and just fall right back into step with them. People who get as close as the five of us are never really lose each other I think.

"Knock-knock Queen Bee!" Spencer calls out setting her bag down and the groceries that she was carrying on the counter. Alison pops out of the bedroom looking a thousand percent better and smiling brightly at Spencer. She rushes to her open arms and they sway like that for a long time.

"You keep getting thinner and thinner. Of course maybe I just feel that way because I've gotten huge." She laughs putting a hand on her belly as they pull away.

"Hello baby! Your Auntie Spencer is here! You just remember that I was the first one to come see you! And that I love you more than Aria or that silly aunt Hanna okay?" Spencer says in her best baby voice to Alison's belly. We all laugh.

"How are you feeling babe?" I ask taking her hand.

"Much better. Baby just wanted to tear up my insides today." She laughs. I can tell in the way that she moves that she is still feeling a bit rough.

"Well Dr. Fields and Hastings MD got you some things to help." Spencer says showing her our finds.

"You guys are the best. We're you wanting to go do some exploding or shopping or anything Spencer?" Ali asks kindly.

"I was kind of hoping that we just relax and cuddle and watch a movie like old times." Spencer says, her voice tired from traveling.

"Oh my god, you're speaking my language." Ali seems relieved.

"But I get the middle. You two get to cuddle all the time, I haven't seen you in ages." Spencer jokes.

Spencer and I make Ali some tea and give her the peppermints to suck on and we all cuddle up under our comforter. We put on Beauty and the Beast and sing along with every song, followed by The Little Mermaid, and then Aladdin. I have never felt so relieved of stress in my life. I hadn't realized how badly that I needed something like this.

"I feel so much better thank you guys so much." Ali says reaching across Spencer to stroke my hair.

"Of course." We both smile to her.

"Are you hungry yet?" I ask them both.

"Yes, but I don't want to eat much cause I know that tomorrow your mom is going to have 37 turkeys and a whole garden of vegetables and enough baked goods to open her own shop." Spencer laughs hard at her own joke and we laugh too because it's true.

"


	23. Thanksgiving pt 1

I wake up to the sound of Alison getting sick. I grab my phone and wake up the screen go see that it's five in the morning. I toss the covers aside and rub my now cold arms on the way to the bathroom. I halt when I hear Spencer's voice.

"It's okay girl, let it out." Spencer says. I peek in the room and she has a hand on Alison's back between her shoulder blades comforting Alison as she dry heaves. While it breaks me to see Alison sick I love that Spencer and her are getting along.

Instead of intruding I first go to the kitchen and put some tea on. I crush some mint leaves to mix with the chamomile. I leave it on the counter so that it can cool and go to check on them. Ali is now leaning against Spencer as she smooths her hair.

"Are you guys alright?" I ask creaking the door open a little bit.

"Her stomach is empty but baby isn't satisfied." Spencer says.

"You could have come to wake me up." I say getting on the floor with them. Ali immediately reaches for me and I pull her into me.

"I was already up, my sleeping habits haven't changed much I just don't take anything to alter it anymore." Spencer laughs.

"I'm sorry Em." Ali says sounding like she may cry.

"For what? No sorry. You didn't do anything wrong. Do you want to try some tea?" I whisper to her.

"She couldn't keep the water down that I brought her earlier." Spencer informs.

"I can try." She says.

"I'll go get it." Spencer offers and gets up so I can keep her in my arms.

"Maybe I'm not doing something right, I'm trying to do okay." Ali begins to cry.

"Oh baby, you are doing just fine. You're already such a good mommy." I kiss her head and smooth her hair to sooth her fears.

"I'm so scared Em. I'm so scared that we'll lose her." She continues to cry. I try to remain calm but my heart is racing. She's voicing all of my fears.

"It's okay Alison. I'm scared too. But, she's okay and you're okay, and we are okay. Everything will be okay. You aren't losing anyone." I do my best to reassure her.

"You want to try some tea?" Spencer asks from the doorway. She nods and accepts the warm mug.

She sips at it a little and then sets it aside. I can tell that she is already struggling. Hopefully adding the mint will help it work faster. I look to Spencer who I can tell doesn't know if she should leave or stay. My eyes beg her to come sit with us. She receives the message and leans against the wall across from us.

"I'm going to try to call Dr. Kline once you're feeling a bit better. We will try to get you in this weekend." I assure her. She will feel better knowing everything is okay. Spencer reaches over and squeezes my foot. She knows that I'll feel better too.

"I'm sorry for being a downer Spencer." She says into my chest.

"Oh no, honey you aren't a downer! I'm just so sorry that you're sick." She says and rubs Alison's back.

Ali tries another drink of tea. I see her suppressing the urge to throw it up. After a few labored swallows she lays back onto my chest. Soon she falls asleep and its just me and Spencer we smile at each other.

"Thank you for being here." I whisper as to not wake Ali.

"I wouldn't want to be anywhere else." She says.

"I was going to make a peanut butter pie to bring today because Ali had been so obsessed with peanut butter but ever since yesterday she gets sick if she even imagines it. I don't know what go do now. I know my mom will be more than adequately prepared but I would hate to show up empty handed." I tell Spencer.

"I can go get something to bring." She offers.

"You don't have to do that, I wouldn't want to trouble you!" I say.

"It's no trouble, it's the least that I could do. You can stay here and focus on getting her better and I will be back with some goodies for your mom's." She smiles rising to her feet and stretching.

"Thank you, Spencer saves the day as usual." I smile back at her.

"I do what I can." She laughs and is out the door.

It's actually really nice how Alison is laying on me. I have my legs stretched out and she is between them with her head on my chest and all curled up. I really am anxious to get her to the doctor. I don't know why the sickness would start so suddenly. I'm sure that everything will be okay though. I look to the clock on the wall and wake her.

"Honey, can you try to drink a bit more? It's almost 8:30." I say into the top of her head. She nods and reaches for the tea. She takes a long drink.

"It's numbing my tongue." She laughs which I take as a good sign.

"That's the mint. Hopefully it numbs your tummy too." I smile.

"I guess we should have known she would be a handful. I mean it is my daughter." She grins up at me.

"Being your daughter she isn't going to do anything without being noticed. And I wouldn't have it any other way." I kiss her cheek.

She drifts back to sleep to let that last bit of tea work its magic. I'm glad she is able to doze off so that she isn't constantly having to fight her gag reflex. We are supposed to be at my moms at noon and so we have to be out the door at 11:15 and I know that even if she is feeling miserable she'll want to look her best. I just hope that she's alright. After she sleeps for another half an hour I wake her up again.

"How are you feeling mama?" I ask her.

"A bit better actually." She says taking another few drinks of her tea.

"Do you think a warm shower might help?" I ask her.

"That sounds great actually." She says and I help her to her feet. She takes a few practice steps around the room to make sure that she's feeling alright.

"Will you join me?" She asks putting her hands on my shoulders.

"Of course." I smile.

We enter the shower and when I can tell all of the movement is making her dizzy I lather up a cloth with her favorite vanilla body wash and begin washing her back for her. I run the cloth slowly over her body as she leans into my touch, relaxing as she does. Once she is all clean I let her rinse off and then I pour some of her Biolage Hyrdatherapie into my hands and massage her scalp with it. I run it over her tresses and help her rinse it. I then massage her conditioning balm into her hair.

"Why are you so good to me?" She whispers, her voice a mix of gratitude and drowsy relaxation.

"Because, you deserve it." I say as we rinse the balm out.

"No I don't." She gives me a knowing look.

"Maybe you didn't back in high school. But honestly, I've done some terrible things too. One day you'll learn to forgive yourself for all of that." I say with her face in my hands.

"Either way, you're a saint for treating me the way you do." She says as I shut the water off and wrap her in a towel.

"You treat me well too babe. You make me so happy." I smile.

"I'm feeling a lot better. I'm still nauseated and dizzy but I don't feel like I'm going to get sick anymore." She says after kissing my shoulder.

She finishes her tea and begins to get ready. I want to sit here and watch her and make sure that she is still okay but I know that my constant observation has to be annoying. I go and pick out my outfit for the day, a green cardigan with a white shirt underneath and chocolate brown skinnies with my tan moccasins. She had already set out her marron sweater dress with a brown waist belt and leggings last night. I go put together a bag of the tea and a small baggy of mint leaves to mince along with the peppermint candies. Spencer burts through the door with her arms full. I rush to help her with he bags.

"This area is so cool." She seems to be beaming. I am beaming too knowing that it is inevitable that she will end up here too.

"Man, you bought out the store." I laugh setting the food on the counter.

"I got a pumpkin cheesecake, a cheese tray, two bottles of cranberry wine and they had my favorite imported Panamanian coffee its ground so fine its amazing. And then some salted caramels for after dinner." She lists.

"You didn't have to do all that!" I insist getting my wallet out to pay her.

"I know, but I wanted to. And you can put that away. This is my thank you for letting me stay here and crash your thanksgiving." She smiles pushing my money away.

"You are family, you aren't crashing anything." I assure her.

"Well, thank you but I'm really not accepting that money." She smiles and we get everything travel ready.

Spencer and I share a seat at the vanity in the bedroom since Alison herself in the bathroom to get ready. We laugh and joke the entire time, occasionally trying to nudge each other off the chair or trying to make the othermess up their make up. Spencer has loosened up so much over the years now that she is free from all of the pressure of her family and everything. It's amazing to see her so liberated. When we finish getting ready we plop on the couch with her legs across my lap to watch some Alfred Hitchcock Presents... It's not my most favorite but Spencer adores him.

"Okay, I'm ready." Ali says exiting the bathroom after we've made it through four entire episodes.

"About time princess." Spencer teases pulling on her wool coat.

Neither of us let Alison carry anything much to her disliking. We don't want to risk it. I give her some candy for the ride. The ride is almost entirely comfortable silence between us with the quiet backdrop of "For Emma Forever Ago" by Bon Iver. It is one of my favorite albums of all time anyway but lately we have been playing it for Shae a lot and she seems to like it. It at least soothes Alison because she is asleep within five minutes. While a lot of the leaves have fallen, the ones that remain are beautiful. Bright orange and red, neon yellow. Alison loves the fall. I should have taken her to the apple festival last week. I'm sure there is an orchard nearby we could visit.

"Here we are" I say trying to rouse Alison.

"It's so strange being back here." Spencer says as she exits the vehicle and surveys the town surrounding her.

"Come on sweetheart, we're at mom's." I whisper in her ear causing her eyes to drowsily open. She looks so cute that I can't help but kiss her right on the mouth. Even in her confused state she grabs the back of my head to lengthen the kiss. It's moments like that that show much she really cares.

We carry everything in and are greeted with excited hugs and cheek kisses. The house smells phenomenal, like fresh baked bread with a sweet and savory undertone of ham. My mom is happy but busy running around to check things still. She is like this every year. Everything is always incredible and yet she always fusses so much. She adds our contributions to the tables and Spencer puts a pot of her fancy coffee on. I have to admit it smells better than any coffee I've ever had. Ali is on the couch still looking a bit groggy.

"Hey you." I say wrapping my arms around her and sitting close to her.

"Hi." She smiles quietly, clearly soaking in the attention.

"You look beautiful. As always." I whisper to her.

"If I weren't so nauseated I might believe you." She says sadly. She is a bit pale and shaky still.

"You are the most beautiful woman in the entire world. No matter what." I say pulling her closer.

"You make me feel so good." I can tell that she means more than just this moment. She has that distant look that she gets when she remembers him.

"You deserve this. You are worthy. You are good." I hold her head in my hand whispering each word into her ear. She grips my hand to her head and we just sit like this for another minute or so. I don't ever want her to doubt those things with me. Not once.

"You always know just what I need." She says as she pulls away just far enough to kiss me.

"Alison honey! How are you feeling?" My mom calls entering from the next room.

"Still a bit rough but a lot better than this morning." She smiles.

Before I know it my mom has whisked her away talking about when she was pregnant with me and other chatter. Spencer brings me a cup of her coffee. I eye her suspiciously. She is such a hipster somefimes that i find it hard to trust her discovoeries. I inhale by the cup and it makes my mouth water. I take a sip and a delightful shudder runs through me.

"So?" She asks expectantly.

"Fine, you win. This is the best coffee I've ever tasted." I admit begrudgingly.

"Ha, I knew it! If there is one thing Spencer Hastings knows its coffee." She gloats. I shake my head and laugh at her.

For the next hour Spencer and I sit and chat while Ali sits at the table watching my mom prepare things. They are really enjoying each other's company so I don't want to interrupt. Ali catches me staring at one point and winks at me. I blush and smile back.

"She still gives you butterflies, huh?" Spencer says noticing our exchange. I blush a deeper shade of red.

"Always has." I laugh.

"I know that I said I would stay positive, and I am, but I just need you to promise me something." She says and I can tell it has been building in her for awhile.

"What's that?" I ask slightly nervously.

"Just don't let those butterflies cloud your judgement. Ever. I love you both and after seeing the two of you together I feel a lot better about it but I just need to know that you'll be okay." She says, obviously against her better judgement. When I was young and worshiped the ground that Alison walked on I probably would have given Spencer the silence treatment for a few weeks for that. But, even though I still worship the ground she walks on, I see where she is coming from and understand that she just needs peace of mind.

"I promise Spencer. You don't have to worry about me." I give her hand a squeeze to assure her.

"I won't bring it up again. I just needed to hear you say it I think." She nods feeling better.

"You always have been the one to protect me. But I think I can handle it from here." I smile and turn towards the door as the Bell rings.

"I'll get it!" I shout so my mom can continue finishing everything up. I open the door to Jason.

"Well, look who it is!" I say excitedly pulling him into a hug. When I do he pulls me close.

"Em, where is your bathroom, don't tell Ali." He whispers in my ear.

He shows me his right hand and the knuckles have blood on them and my stomach drops to the floor. I notice his darting eyes then and nervous demeanor. I poke my head back inside and towards the kitchen to make sure the coast is clear. I have a silent conversation with Spencer urging her to go distract them and ask no questions. She obeys.

"Come on." I say and grab his hand leading him to the up stairs bathroom.

"Jason, what happened" ask him as he lets me rinse his hands with warm water.

"Let's just say, I don't think Lorenzo is going to bother you guys ever again." He says, his eyes so intense that they frighten me.


	24. Thanksgiving pt 2

"Oh god, tell me you didn't." I say. He just stares into me.

I turn my attention back to his hand, unable to deal with the fire in his eyes. Most of the blood washes easily off. He only has a couple of scratches around his knuckles so I can only assume that the blood is from Lorenzo. He is going to be a bit sore and bruised though.

"Can you please tell me what happened? How bad is it?" I ask more softly this time.

"He is still alive and that is all you need to know. I don't want you to be anymore of an accessory than you already are." He says.

"Well, you should have called me. I would have liked to get a few hits in myself." I say as I apply a bandaid to one of his cuts. He laughs slightly.

"There was a lot going on that you girls don't know about. I had to protect you both." He says gripping my shoulder with his uninjured hand.

"No one is going to hurt my family." He assures me. Something in his face tells me not to push him any farther on the subject so even though I have a million questions and my heart is racing in my chest I let it go.

"Are you okay? Do you want to go down stairs now?" I ask patting his hand as it rests on my shoulder.

"Yeah, I'll be fine now. Thank you for patching me up. And for not telling Alison." He says as he walks out the door in front of me.

How can I not tell Ali this? I mean maybe it is best not to stress her and the baby out, at least not until we get to the doctor. But we have really improved on our honesty with each other and I don't want to mess that up. I also have to consider that Jason is a part of my family too so maybe I owe him the loyalty of not telling. I guess I just need a while to think.

"Hey sis." Jason smiles kissing the top of Alison's head.

"Other sis." He jokes reaching out his arms to hug Spencer. Everything seems normal but Spencer is eyeing me suspiciously over his shoulder. I shake my head no hoping that for once she'll drop it.

He goes on to charm my mother who is giggling and smiling in no time. Jason really is charismatic, I hope he hasn't ruined his chances at mayor. Now I feel like I could use some of Alison's tea as my stomach is churning with anxiety. I just like to know that everything is alright I guess. I'm sure he will explain things if he can. I try to take some deep breaths to calm myself as we all begun to dish up. Ali grabs a tiny amount of ham and a tiny amount of turkey and one homemade roll.

"Babe, that's not all you're going to eat is it?" I ask with concern.

"I'm not sure I can handle more. Don't doubt for a moment that I won't be up here for seconds and thirds if I'm feeling up for it. I just want to take it slow." She laughs. I laugh too. I need to stop fussing over her so much.

"Why don't you worry about your own plate and hurry up I'm ready to eat." Spencer jokes at me. Only then do I notice that every one is seated with full plates and I was too busy watching Ali that I haven't even started mine.

"Oh, sorry." I say and immediately pile it all on. I sit between Ali and Spencer with mom right across from me.

"Since dad isn't here, I'd like to say grace." I volunteer.

"Of course! Go ahead!" My mom can barely hide how giddy my offer makes her.

"God I'd like to thank you for my family. The one that raised me, and those who have joined along the way. I am humbled by how you have blessed me with them. Thank you for the opportunity to spend our day together. Please keep them all safe." I pause swallowing the lump in my throat. "Please keep us all safe. Amen." I finish. Everyone opens their eyes and we smile at each other. Mom reaches across the table and squeezes my hand.

"Let's eat." I smile to everyone.

We all slip into easy conversation and devour the wonderful meal in front of us. My mom is the best cook I know and I'm glad that I inherited the skill. Ali ends up eating four small helpings which is nothing compared to Spencer's three full plates. It's so nice to have everyone here laughing and smiling. These are the moments that I live for. After dinner Jason and I do dishes while Spencer cleans up the tables and puts away the left overs. It takes a lot of convincing to get Alison and mom to just rest in the living room. Luckily the two love to chatter so they end up distracting themselves. The dishes are done and put away and I look behind me to find Spencer finishing a piece of cheesecake, several caramels, and another cup of coffee.

"Good lord, Spence." I laugh.

"What?" She asks innocently through a mouthful of cheesecake.

"You have the world's fastest metabolism." We all laugh and join mom and Ali in the living room.

Soon Spencer and Jason set up a game of chess while mom, Ali, and I put in A League of Their Own, one of my favorites. Alison is curled up in my arms and just before she falls asleep she looks up at me. She kisses her pointer and middle fingers and presses them to my mouth. I smile widely as her drowsy eyes open slower and slower. She falls asleep warm in my arms. She is so precious to me. I look across the room to my mom sitting in my dad's favorite recliner. She has one of his sweatshirts in her lap. I give her a knowing smile, wanting her to know that I miss him too. Soon she falls asleep too with dad's shirt up under her chin. I can't fight the urge between my stuffed belly and my long morning I end up drifting away too.

I dream that I hear crying. First it's Alison crying. I look around. I'm in a poorly lit house. There is a long hallway. One door has the light on and I run towards it. As I run Alison's cry turns into a baby's cry; Shae. I run even faster. Just as I get near the door it slams shut. I hear another door creaked open from behind me. Again it is the only one open and the only light I see. This time I hear Shae crying and Alison's voice.

"Emily..." She calls out.

I run desperately towards the door and it slams even louder. I pull and shake at the knob. It won't budge. I try to kick the door in and it just causes a shooting pain up my ankle and calf. I call out in pain. Another door opens and I hear Alison and Shae both screaming out in pain. I try to run but the more I try the more that the pain increases and the rest of me seems to be paralyzed. I am calling out to them, begging them to come to me. I can't get to them, I can't get to them at all.

"No way! That was not a legal move!" Spencer's sudden shouting jolts me from my nightmare. I feel the painful cramp in my calf muscle from how Alison is laying on me and begin to run at it. I'm sure that's all that the dream was. Just brought on by my muscle cramp.

"You are just upset that I outwitted you." Jason laughs. You can see Spencer's mind going a million miles an hour reviewing everyone of her and Jason's moves that brought him to check mate.

"No, no I never lose." She is actually distraught.

"Hey, its just a game Spence." Jason tries to soothe her. Ali and I gasp and Spencer stares daggers through his head.

"Oh boy, here we go." Ali says burying her face in my stomach.

"Just a game?" Spencer is seething.

"I sense that I struck a nerve." Jason tries to back away but it's too late.

He is now hearing about the history and rules and people involved in creating chess and all about why his final move was illegal. I have to give it to him, he listens intently or at least pretends to. It's not just chess. Spencer cannot handle losing. And if she does lose and someone says those magic words "it's just a game" it triggers the Beast. She has to prove that they may have won but she knows more than they ever will on the subject. When she is finally satisfied she storms into the kitchen and returns with a plate of leftovers.

"You're a machine." Alison laughs and it finally lightens the mood of the room. She laces her fingers through mine and then looks up at me concerned.

"Em, are you shaking?" She asks.

"Hmm? Oh, no. I mean maybe a bit from that coffee that Spencer gave me." I say kissing the top of her head. She doesn't seem satisfied with my answer but she lays back down. I just focus on breathing and not thinking about that dream.

"I've got to head out ladies, we are doing a dinner at the shelter so thank you so much for having me, it was a pleasure." Jason announces and then makes his way around to hug everyone personally. Alison and I stand to say goodbye.

"I'm not done talking to you about your hand." I whisper to him when he gets to me.

"Everything's going to be okay." He whispers back before leaving and exiting the house.

He said that a lot was going on that we don't know about and that certainly doesn't make me feel like everything is going to be okay. Especially since he clearly did something putting himself at risk. Jason is the only blood relation that Alison has left. If she loses him she is alone in the world. I just don't want that for her. And honestly I think that I have the right to know something that was a threat to my family. I can't help but begin to feel frustrated. I'm going to be making a call to Jason this week and I had better get some answers.

"Baby... Are you ready?" Alison places her hands on my chest and presses her body into mine. She looks at me with puppy dog eyes telling me that she is ready to be home and in her pajamas.

"Yeah, of course." I smile and rub on her back.

"A-ha! Where is Jason, is he gone?!" Spencer yells holding her phone victoriously in her hand.

"I'm pretty sure he's gone." Alison says. It doesn't stop Spencer from heading out the door and looking up and down the street for his car. She runs back in.

"I knew it! He moved his room illegally, so I was not in check mate and within two moves I would have had him!" She says emblazoned and shoving her phone in my face for proof.

"Looks like we need to get Spencer home too." I laugh.

My mom loads us up with leftovers as Spencer screenshots the chess rulebook that she's foubd and sending it to Jason. She can never let go of a fight. We load up the car and waves our goodbyes and head home. Spencer takes the backseat and passes out quickly. I knew a crash was inevitable. Alison actually stays awake and holds my hand the entire time. I smile over at her. She is so beautiful.

"I am most thankful for you and Shae." I tell her giving her hand a soft squeeze.

"We are eternally grateful for you too." She smiles back and lays her head on my shoulder. We ride back the rest of the way in silence this way.

"Do you want to wake sleeping beauty or should I?" I ask as we pull into our parking spot.

"I'm going to have to pass on that one." She laughs patting my knee. I sigh and exit the car. I open the door she's not leaning on and shake her foot.

"What!? Who's there!? Toby?" She wakes up scared with half a face covered in drool.

"It's just me, its Em. You fell asleep on the way home." I assure her. She takes in her surroundings a bit then.

"Okay, yeah." She nods starting to grasp it all. She yawns and wipes at her face.

We carry everything inside and settle in for the evening. We all end up doing some work on our own. It's still nice though, just being near each other. It reminds me of the study groups that Spencer used to organize. Alison would always find ways to get next to me and touch my thigh when no one was looking or get a bit too close when reading over my shoulder. She drove me crazy during those sessions.

"What are you smiling about over there?" Spencer asks catching me day dreaming.

"What? Oh, nothing." I clear my throat and get back to work. Ali reaches over and strokes my wrist, she has a knowing smile on her face. 7 years later and I'm still flustered by her touch.

"Well, for starters, you guys are gross. And also thank you so much for letting me stay here and come to thanksgiving with you guys. I know that it was your first Thanksgiving as a family so it means a lot to me that you would share it with me." She smiles setting her laptop aside for a moment.

"It's our first year being this type of family. But us girls were sisters long before that and that will never change. You are always welcome with us Spence." Alison says.

We all work and talk for another few hours and nibble at the leftovers that mom sent. It feels good to get some work done. I had some plans to alter for the football team and had to order supplies for everyone and approve some trip requests, not to mention my mountain of emails. At least a few were from Grace's mom, she's a sweet lady and been a joy to talk to about this college stuff. Grace is really banking on Stanford, and I think she can do it. Her mom is scared that if she doesn't get it it will break her heart. She has a 4.24 GPA and was points away from a perfect SAT score. I spend a portion of the email reassuring her that her chances look very good. The other part I bring up the very real possibility of her going to the Olympics in two years and that maybe she should consider that when choosing her college. Spencer stands to go to the restroom so I slide out of her way.

"Baby..." Alison's drowsy voice comes from the other side of the couch.

"Yes, love?" I answer not looking away from my computer. She tugs at my sleeve. I look to her and she has a pouty face on.

"What's wrong?" I ask. She is teasing with the buttons o my cardigan.

"I want to go to bed." She says.

"Oh, okay honey. I can turn the bed down for you." I start to prepare for sleepy Alison when her eyes go from drowsy to lustful in a moment.

"No, I want you to come to bed with me." She says, her lips finding my earlobe.

"Ali, Spencer is still here, and we both know that you aren't quiet." I insist nervously even though her request has me on fire.

"I'll bite a pillow. Come on, you know you want me." She whispers. I abruptly stand as Spencer enters the room again.

"We're tired. We're going to bed. Goodnight." I announce and try to ignore Alison's distinct 'I win' face. I guess we all have phrases that we simply can't ignore.

An hour later as we are damp with sweat and still catching our breath she wraps around me. Her fingers trace designs on my chest that cause goosebumps to rise all over my body. I smile.

"Happy Thanksgiving, Ali" I say, and we fall asleep with our hearts beating in rhythm.


	25. My Baby's Got a Secret

**You said you liked fluff and if so, you will love the first half of this chapter! As always, thanks for your continued support and reading my work! You're all great!**

 **And to the guest who asked, yes Shae is pronounced like Shay :-)**

Dropping Spencer off at the airport was so hard. We cried and hugged forever and she even kissed my hands as she left. I know she has Toby out there but I think that she's lonely. Spence isn't the best at making friends especially with how busy she keeps herself. I'm sure she will end up moving out here. I would love to be near her and Toby all the time. Luckily I am very busy today and Alison is working even though she was sick again this morning. I wish she would take it easy.

First thing I call and get her an appointment for Monday. I'm sure everything is fine but I want to be sure. We need to make some plans for the birth anyway. I spend the greater part of my day in my office. Mostly going over transportation requests and reviewing everyone's progress. I altered the boy's basketball practice sheet pretty intensely. They hadn't won more than a few games a season in awhile and when I looked at their methods I was a bit appalled. They were very aggressive with no team building and no support. I retrained the staff and had them give the team captain more responsibility. I showed them my plans for swim and let them use that as a model for their own practice schedule. Now the boys are 5-1 and only getting better. This job is a lot of work but it's rewarding to know that these kids have a positive environment to thrive in.

I'm also supposed to meet with my advisor on Tuesday. I need someone to talk me through my future plans. I love what I am doing with sports right now but the more that I think about Zoey and the legal system and how they treated Alison, the more that I find myself wanting to make a difference some place other than in sports. I don't know what I want for sure. I just want to help somehow.

I get distracted online looking at different things to help Ali with her random sickness. It is usually most severe in the morning but flares up throughout the day some too so I want to find a way to help her out. I save some links to my phone about pressure points and massage techniques that can help. I also find a few diet ideas to help. It isn't long before I am giving in to the the thought that has been gnawing at the back of my head: Alison's Christmas present. I can think of a million things that I could get her that she would love. But there is a part of me that wants to get her something even more special. Something for her left hand...

"Knock knock." Her voice comes from my doorway and I about jump a foot in the air. I start closing browsers frantically and end up just slamming the laptop shut.

"Ooh, was Ms. Fields being naughty on the job?" She says seductively as she closes the door behind her. She locks it and pulls the blinds.

"What? No, I was just... What are you doing here?" I stammer out, my face red and sweat forming on my hairline.

"Come on, somethings got you all hot and bothered." She says as she slides my computer to the side and sits on the desk in front of me.

"You just scared me. Usually no one comes by my office." I say, placing my hands on her hips.

"Well, today is your lucky day." She says, using a heel to slide my chair closer to her.

She grabs my face and pulls me to my feet to plant the most hungry kiss that I have ever felt on my mouth. I can barely react before she is biting at my bottom lip and sucking my tongue. Her hands are quick to explore and begin to undress me.

"Ali, what has gotten into you?" I ask, she is always passionate but right now she's like an animal.

"I was at work, and all I could think about was you. I took a half day to come see you. So how about you stop talking and you start making my fantasies a reality?" She demands.

"Yes ma'am." I grin.

After an intense encounter we are buttoned up and back to normal and strolling out to the parking lot with our arms linked. No one is the wiser to our escapade and that makes it all the more sexy to me. I unlock my car and toss my bag inside. I turn to kiss her goodbye and even this kiss feels like it wants more. The way that her hands grip the back of my neck and her body presses into mine tell the rest of the story.

"You are going to make me crazy, Ali." I whisper in her ear as she won't let me go.

"That's the plan. I'll see you at home, babe." She says, grabbing a handful of my ass and giving it a squeeze before sauntering off towards her own car and giving me a seductive smile over her shoulder.

"Wow." I say to myself as I sit in my car, trying to take in everything that just occurred. If it weren't for the nausea, I would be okay with her being this pregnant forever.

Ali beat me home and when I arrive she is chopping some veggies. It's cute that even this she is struggling with. I'm pretty sure every single piece is a completely different size. I have to smile at her efforts. She's so cute in her black leggings and baggy white top. I come up behind her and wrap my arms around her. I place both hands right on her baby bump as I rarely do. Fear and guilt threaten to take over usually but not this time. I place my hands there and she leans back placing her hands on top of mine. Suddenly the entire side of her belly shifts completely. I jump.

"Holy shit, what was that!?" I demand, my eyes bugging out of my head. She laughs hysterically.

"That would be your daughter." She says. She grabs my hand and holds it to a spot a bit lower. I feel a sudden bump.

"Oh my god!" I can't believe it. There's really a baby in there.

"Has she kicked before?" I ask.

"A little, but not much. I was growing a bit concerned actually but she seemed to like that mommy number two was home." Alison laughs. I get on my knees staring at her belly.

"Hi, Shae. Hello baby." I say quietly. She responds with an extra low kick.

"Ouch! That one hurt you little jerk." Alison laughs rubbing the spot where the impact happened.

"I'm sorry. It's just so beautiful." I say rubbing a hand over her belly. The baby kicks again.

"Ow! I don't like you guys teaming up on me already. This is going to be trouble." She smiles and pulls me to my feet. She gives me a soft kiss.

"I'm already crazy about her but don't worry, you'll never be any less important to me. We're all a team. All three of us." I say kissing her again.

We spend the rest of the day eating and cuddling and working from home. The busyness of the day is almost enough to distract me from the whole Jason situation. But, of course my worrying heart ends up back there. I can't help but wonder how bad the situation was. How can he be sure it's over? And what was happening in the first place. I look at Ali with her hand on her tummy reading over some files on her computer and it pains me to think that she was in danger for even a moment and not only did I not stop it, but I didn't even know about it in the first place. How can I promise to take care of her when I've already failed?

"I'm going to go take a shower." I announce needing a moment to think. Her eyes tell me that she wants an invite to join but this time I really could use the alone time.

I let the heat of the water run over me. I breathe in the steam mixed with my lavender body wash deeply. The water feels amazing on my back. It allows me escape all of it for a moment, to feel free. Maybe I should just trust Jason for now. If he says that it is taken care of then its taken care of. Really it's all I know to do. I exit the shower feeling a bit better. I towel my hair dry and throw on a pair of boy short underwear and a hoodie before heading out to check on Ali.

"Oh, she's coming, gotta go." I hear her say before hanging up the phone and casually flipping through Netflix as though that is what she had been doing the whole time. I feel tense and on edge.

"Hey you." I say, waiting for her to acknowledge the phone call.

"Hey, how was your shower?" She smiles.

"Fine. Did you keep yourself busy?" I ask, giving her another chance.

"Oh just some work. Trying to decide on Netflix. Missing you." She lies flawlessly.

I sit down next to her. I want to call her out. My stomach is churning with it. But she laces our fingers and those doe eyes meet mine.

"What do you want to watch?" She asks sweetly.

She is entitled to some secrets. She is an individual and just because she is my girlfriend it doesn't mean that I own her. I need to calm down. If she is hiding something I'm sure there is a reason. She has changed from the old Ali and I have no right to punish her for the way that she used to be. I lay my head on her shoulder.

"Anything you want baby." I say.

She puts on a movie and I don't bother watching it. I just stroke her arms and hands. I run my fingertips up and down her thighs and her shoulders. She leans into my touch and shifts her body into mine. Before I know it we are making love again, and while she's still desperate and hungry for it, it's slower. We take our time. By the time we are through three hours have passed and a tear escapes her eye.

"Are you okay?" I ask holding her face and looking into her eyes.

"Yeah. I just feel so much. When I'm with you, when I look at you. My heart overflows." She traces my facial features and I kiss her fingertips when she gets to my lips.

"I feel the same, Alison. You're everything. You're it." I kiss the tears right off of her face.

We don't bother moving to the room but instead sleep the entire night naked in each others arms on the couch. My back certainly regrets it but my heart regrets nothing. I squeeze her tightly as I begin to wake up and feel her lips pucker against my neck. If I could freeze any moment and just stay in it forever than this would be it. I have thought that a lot since we began but this truly may be it. I can't imagine feeling more complete than this. After we stall as long as we can she finally pulls away. She kisses my mouth and stands up. She kisses me again.

"I love you more than anything." She says quickly before scurrying away to get ready for work.

I stand to get ready too. I have some work to make up after her little distraction yesterday. Not that I'm complaining in anyway. But I definitely have to work today. She only has to do another half day to make up for leaving early. I'm planning on having the girls practice tomorrow since we have a meet next week. We will be seeing who qualifies for semifinals so it is important that they do well. Most of them have been super strict on themselves and still been practicing hard. I got an email from Grace today saying that Zoey beat her old record when they were practice last night. Those to have become really good friends, like sisters. I'm so happy that they have bonded this way. I am standing at the vanity fixing my makeup when Alison's phone buzzes with a message notification. She rushes back to the room and snatches her phone away.

"Who was that?" I ask.

"Aria was supposed to text me about some gallery she may be doing soon." She says intently reading the message. I don't know why I asked because I could clearly see that the notification had said that it was from Rebecca.

I'm at my office trying to organize a bus schedule for our meet and the wrestling meet and the basketball away game, but instead I am staring at the ceiling. I mean it just seems super strange to me that she wouldn't just say that it was Rebecca. And I had let go of the phone call thing last night but now paired with this text message thing it seems a bit off. Really I should be mad at myself. Why was I testing her that way? I should have just ignored her phone going off as it's not really my business. Or even said 'hey, how's Rebecca?' I don't know why I felt the need to set her up the way that I did. I just feel like something weird is happening, like something is being kept from me. I have always had a sixth sense about these things. I just used to ignore it from Ali. But things are different with us now, at least I hope that they are. I don't have time for this, I have calls and plans to make.

I spend the next few hours furiously throwing myself into work. I take care of tasks that I am not required to start for weeks. I clean my entire office. I email the head coach of Stanford the most recent cut of Grace's highlight reel. I also attach her latest scorecard as a bit of added incentive to consider. I want only the best for her! If they don't offer her a full ride they are crazy. Honestly the odds of them not doing so are slim to none.

Before I know it I am running out of tasks and my mind starts to wander to the message this morning. Maybe I should just ask her about it. Try my best not to be weird or accusatory and ask her why she lied. God, I don't think I can. I don't want to trigger any unpleasant memories of him and how controlling he was. Maybe I'll just ask her how Rebecca's doing? That would give her a chance to admit if anything weird had happened. I mean maybe she just had been expecting Aria and thought it was her and was surprised when it wasn't. Actually I'm sure that's it. I need to calm down and stop freaking out so much. I just worry all the time. I know that I should just let it go.

"Hey Rebecca, how's it going" my hands disobey and send the text before I can control them.

"Hey good lookin'! I'm not bad, busy working for the man. How about you?" She replies casually.

"Oh, about the same. Just taking care of Ali and the baby." I bait the hook.

"How is she doing? Haven't heard from her in ages."

I put my phone down and rest my face in my hands. Why did I contact her? Why am I being so weird about this? I'm sure it's not a bug deal. I mean, maybe Alison didn't reply this morning and that is why she said she hadn't heard from her. I am making this an issue. I am making an issue out of nothing. This is my fault and my past traumatic experiences making me paranoid.

I look through some pictures on my phone. Pictures of Ali, mostly ones I sneak because she's so camera shy. A lot of us together, so happy. I do love her. And I can't look at these pictures and not trust her. I put my phone down and finish my last couple of tasks. I am more than caught up now.

Now that I'm so far ahead I decide to head home to Alison and Shae. I can't wait to see them. It's going to be okay. On my way I grab Alison a salad from one of her favorite restaurants. She is still struggling to eat and feel okay but this should be easy on her stomach. She should have been home for awhile now. I pull up and notice that her car is missing. I check the time. She's about two hours late. I walk up stairs and set my things down. I notice the jacket that Alison had worn to work today sitting on the counter. She's clearly been back here. I set her salad on the counter and sit on the couch.

"Where are you?" I text her.

I wait twenty minutes for no reply. I stare at the ceiling unable to let go of the anxiety in my stomach to do anything else. When the lock turns I hop to my feet. Ali walks in wearing a cute dress and her nice coat. She looks surprised to see me.

"Ali!" I practically shout and pull her into my arms. She hugs me back but I can tell she doesn't understand the urgency.

"Hey you, what are you doing home so early?" She asks and kisses my cheek.

"I got done early and came home to see you and got worried when you weren't here." I say trying to read her expression.

"I just had some errands to run." She remains in my arms.

"I brought you a salad from The Capitol." I say.

"Oh, babe! You're the best! I ate while I was out but I will eat on that later. You're so thoughtful." She says sounding genuinely excited.

She hums a tune and goes to take a shower. I just can't figure one thing out... Why would she need to dress so nicely to run some errands?

I shut all emotions off and return to my work.

"Mmm.. Come here." Alison says in her sweats now climbing towards me on the couch. She pulls me close and lays her head in my lap. I lightly touch her hair.

"Did you want to watch a movie of something?" I ask.

"It's up to you." She says sweetly.

"You can watch a movie if you want. I should probably check my email and see if transportation got back to me about the bus schedule." I say grabbing my laptop.

"Oh. Okay." She says watching me open my email. She lays on the opposite side of the couch with her feet on my lap and grabs a book to read. I ignore her disappointment.

I stare at my new emails. I don't even feel up to opening them. I can't do anything because then I may start thinking and right now that's a dangerous game. I think too much as it is but right now its all too much. I see that beautiful girl at the end of the couch and I can't help but feel like a game is starting. When I look at her I am torn. I see the angel who has completed my life and made me happier than I have ever been. But I am also seeing the girl who ruined me for years of my life. I am remembering the way she played me with such ease. And I am wondering if that ability ever really leaves a person. I shut my computer harshly.

"I'm going to bed." I announce, walking to the room without looking back. I take a benadryl and crawl under the covers.

Moments later I feel the bed shift as Alison climbs in. I don't turn to her. She gets under the covers and lightly places a hand on my side. I don't respond to the touch. Soon she has moved against my back. I feel her forehead press into my back. A tear falls from my eye.

The next afternoon I silently make Alison breakfast. I literally haven't said one word to her. The silence is bizarre; suffocating. My heart usually skips a beat when she comes near but today it just causes my entire body tense up. I set her plate on the breakfast bar and go to our room to get ready for practice. This one will be a few hours because we have some catching up to do and because our next meet is so important. Ali has stopped trying to be affectionate or trying to speak to me. I guess I just need some space. I step out of our bedroom in my Lancers gear. She looks up at me.

"Oh, you're going to practice now?" She asked, standing to get ready to go with me.

"I'll see you when I get home." I say, and coldly place a kiss on the side of her head.

"Hey, where's Ali?" Zoey says running up and hugging me.

"She stayed home today." I smile like nothing is wrong but I can tell she is disappointed.

"Oh. Well can you return this to her?" She asks. It's a copy of "The Bell Jar".

"I certainly will." I say as she scurries off to get ready.

"Hey, Grace!" I get her attention and she hurries over.

"What's up coach?" She asks.

"I just wanted to let you know that I sent Stanford your most recent compilation video and some info. They haven't stopped blowing up my inbox since." I smile happy to deliver the news.

"Shut up. Are you serious?" She asks excitedly. I laugh and nod.

"You're a saint, Coach Fields!" She exclaims.

"We will set up a meeting at semi state." I assure her. She hugs me tightly.

"Are you okay?" she asks suddenly looking at my face.

"Yeah, I mean I'm losing my favorite super star this year but I'll get over it." I joke.

"No, I mean you look upset. Your eyes." She says with wisdom beyond her years.

"Yes everything is fine. You worry about getting those girls back into shape for next week." I pat her arm and turn away.

I am heavy and dark without her next to me. It's like trying to function without my dominant hand. Everything feels wrong. I'm only half of myself without her. And everyone can see it. I want to look at the stands and see her smiling back at me. I miss her. But maybe this is best. I mean, we should be able to function without each other. We are a fairly new couple. She can function on her own, obviously, so I need to learn to as well. I used to be independent. I can do it again.

"Were we going to get started coach?" Grace whispers, trying not to draw attention to me as I am spaced out.

"Hm? Oh yeah, I had some plans here." I say absentmindedly fumbling with my clipboard.

"Here. I'll take this and get everyone started." She smiles kindly and takes the clipboard from me.

"I'll be right back." I say and step over to my office. I lock the door behind me and plop exhausted into my chair.

Me: Spence, please be free to text me.

Spencer: Do you need me to call?

Me: no I can't talk I just need to text.

S: Okay honey, whatever you need. What's going on?

Me: You know how I've always had that sixth sense when it comes to things going on behind my back?

S: Of course, even when you were a naieve little pup we could never hide things from you.

Me: Well, Ali is hiding something and I feel like I'm losing my mind.

S: What do you mean hiding something?

Me: Like, secret phonecalls, lying about who is texting her, wearing a dress to run errands.

S: Okay yeah that doesn't sound good. You haven't been snooping through her phone have you?

Me: No, I mean not on purpose. I just heard her getting off the phone and she acted like nothing had happened and she said she was texting Aria but it was this lady Rebecca that we met at the station.

S: Well, you know that I'm going to tell you to confront her. There is no room for secrets in a loving relationship, even if Alison is all about them. But, since I know that you can't do that because you're Emily, don't freak out just yet. And don't go looking. Don't give her a reason to hide from you. Maybe it's just trauma from the loser. Maybe he was so involved in her business that now it feels good to not have to check in.

I breathe a sigh of relief.

Me: You're right. That is a good point.

S: But at the same time, you have good instincts Em. Always have. You aren't wrong to have your guard up.

Me: Thank you Spencer. I need to get back to practice I just needed someone to walk me through my thoughts for a bit.

S: Anytime, I'm your Jiminy Cricket ;-)

Me: Love you.

S: Love you more.

I walk back to practice feeling a lot more connected to myself. It may be something and it may be nothing. It's okay. I just need to follow my instincts and not panic.

"Come on, Madilyn I know you can push harder than that!" I shout as she ends a lap. She smiles and dives back in trying harder and harder.

"Ashley, that last one looked good, have you been doing something different?" I ask as she exits the pool.

"Started yoga last month, its really improved my coordination." She smiles at my noticing. I take the clipboard from Grace.

"Coach is back, thanks. Now get your butt in the water." I joke. She smiles.

"Sure thing, coach!" She says joining the rest of the girls.

The rest of the practice goes super well. All of the girls really push themselves and I check up on their personal workout routines and diet to make sure that they aren't pushing themselves too hard. Sports can be a great thing in a kids life but it can also be triggering to personal demons. I don't want any of my girls to have to go through that.

I head home with little on my mind but how well practice went. It's been trying to snow off and on all day. None of it has really stuck but the trees and shrubs around town do look a bit frosty. It's pretty and reminds me the Christmas is coming soon. I do love Christmas. All the girls come and stay with me, well now us. Next year there will be a baby here. I can't wait to shop for her. I try my best to not let my mind wander to the thoughts of what would happen if I don't get to do that. If she is no longer a part of my life. I pull up to the apartment. Ali's car is no where to be found. I go inside to my quiet apartment. My phone goes off.

Jason: Hey, can you meet me at The Capitol in forty five minutes or so?

My heart jumps in my chest.

Me: Of course, I'll be there.

Well, at least I may get some answers in regards to one of the mysteries in my life.


	26. The Fire Inside

I am tempted to just jog right out the door in my Lancers windbreaker and no make up but then I remember that The Capitol is a bit nicer and I should probably look decent. I just want to know what's going on. All this stress makes me want to tear my hair right out of my head. Instead I let it down and brush it out so it will maintain a bit of natural wave. I wash my face and apply some makeup. I wear a nice button down with a leather jacket over it. I wear my favorite black boots and dark grey skinnies. I throw on a fancy necklace, leave a note for Ali, and head out the door.

My mind is racing with possibilities. Jason was very adamant that I shouldn't ask any questions about what happened, so why is he wanting to talk now? What if something went wrong and _he_ isn't backing off as easily as Jason had hoped. I swear to god if he hurts Ali or Shae I will kill him. There will be a lot more than a couple of scratches on my knuckles.

It's fine. I am sure that everything is fine. Maybe Jason just wants to have dinner with his sister's girlfriend for that matter. Maybe it's nothing at all. He had talked about donating some money to the swim team's fundraiser so maybe it's about that. There is no need for me to continually jump to the worst conclusions.

I am way to busy mentally berating myself to notice how quiet the restaurant is. I turn a corner to where the host usually stands and nearly jump out of my skin at what greets me.

"Surprise!" Dozens of people shout in unison. In front of me is an entire section of the restaurant filled with all of the people in my life and decorations saying, 'Congratulations Emily'

I survey the room with mouth agape and eyes filled with tears. Alison is at the center table with a large cake and a spot for me. Ella and Mike Montgomery are here, Jason, Rebecca and Brian with Felicity, Ashley Marin, Mom, some of Alison's work friends, a couple colleagues of mine, and even some girls from the swim team including Grace and Zoey. I cover my mouth shaking my head. Alison is smiling nervously, she looks almost afraid of me. I rush to her.

"I'm so sorry baby, I'm so sorry I was distant. You're amazing." I say kissing her hard.

"I thought you were mad at me." She says relieved at my words.

"No, no, no. Just scared. I knew something was up!" I say the last part loud enough for everyone to hear. Everyone makes their way to me giving hugs of congratulations.

"You two are the worst of all you little sneaks!" I say pointing at Grace and Zoey, who essentiality lied to my face at practice. We all laugh.

"We have just been so busy with everything that we didn't get to properly celebrate your promotion or the Dean's list or all of the other amazing things you've accomplished. And I have been dying to do something for you after all that you've done for me." Alison says. I still just can't believe it.

"Ali, I can't thank you enough. I can't believe you did all this for me. I never should have worried so much, I'm just mortified that I treated you like I did." I say pressing my forehead to her's.

"Excuse me miss, can I take your order." I barely have time to process what sounds like a woman disguising her voice as a man's before I turn and realize who the voice belongs to.

"HANNA!" I practically scream throwing my arms around her neck and jumping up and down.

"Oh my god, Em, I missed you so much." She says into my ear. We are both wiping our eyes as we part.

"You got me." I laugh at Alison.

Food is brought out and everyone is laughing and having a good time. I make my way from table to table making sure to thank everyone for coming and to spend some time laughing and joking with them. It's fun to see all of the people that I love interacting in different ways. Rebecca and Ashley are cracking each other up while Grace, Mike, and Jason are talking about politics and future plans. Alison, Ella, and Zoey seem to be in another world talking about books. My mom is talking to every single person about how amazing I am and I am blushing hard. Hanna is still by my side.

"You know what this party needs?" She whispers to me.

"What's that?" I ask.

"Tequila!" She says gesturing towards the bar.

"Not in front of my students!" I exclaim.

"Oh come on, they don't have to know, they all seem distracted. Jason rode with us so that he could drive your car home for you." She insists placing her head on my shoulder.

"God, you have always been a bad influence. One shot and we have to sneak it." I cave. Partially because she is persuasive, partially because tequila is delicious. We sneak off to the more discreet bar up stairs. I go to order but Hanna cuts me off.

"Four shots of Patron silver. One sprite and Em, what do you chase with?" She asks.

"I agreed to one shot!" I say.

"Well now you're doing two." She winks at me and I shake my head laughing.

"Fine. I'll just take a couple lime wedges please." I tell the bar tender.

We clink our glasses and down the shots. They start so cold but warm me up from the inside out. They blend so perfectly with the bitter tartness of the lime as well. I haven't drank in ages so it's actually nice to let loose a bit. I feel light. Like I don't have a million worries piled on my back.

"I really have missed my partner in crime. How are you?" I ask putting a hand over hers.

"I'm good, really good actually." She smiles.

"Where is Caleb tonight?" I ask.

"He is working I think. We actually talked about our relationship recently and its on again off again status." She says casually as she finishes her sprite.

"And?" I ask, eager to know how they are.

"Can I get a strawberry margarita too? Blended?" She says to the bar keeper and then turns back to me.

"We both decided that while we weren't entirely unhappy with the setup, that we couldn't keep doing it forever. So we looked at some of the reasons that we'd go off again and some of the reasons we keep going back on." She says paying the man for our drinks.

"You weighed the pros and cons?" I ask.

"Yeah, that. We decided that we definitely want to be together forever, marriage and all of that stuff." She acts like what she has said is no big deal.

"Uhm, did you and Caleb get engaged and not tell me?" I demand.

"No, no. We just also realized that we don't want that right now. Our lifestyles arent ready for it. We are both busy and wanting to be free and independent. So for right now we are together but without all the pressure and expectations. I don't have to tell him where I'm going at night, he doesn't have to go with me to every family event. Hell sometimes we don't see each other for a week. It's like we are casually dating except we have intentions of settling down together some day." She explains it to me and it actually makes a lot of sense.

"Wow. That is super mature of you guys, I'm really proud of you." I smile to her and she grabs my hand to lead me back to my party.

I go and sit next to Alison again. I keep talking to Hanna and she to Ella but I just want to be in contact with her. I missed her last night and today. I should have trusted her. I feel terrible. I grip her hand as tightly as I can. I look up and see the girls from the swim team excluding Grace and Zoey staring and chattering and laugh. I'm sure they all suspected Alison and I were a couple but boy did we confirm it tonight.

As the night goes on and I spend some time at each table laughing and carrying on the girls from the swim team have to leave due to curfew.

"Congrats on the job, and school, and you know... The baby!" The girls awkwardly congratulate me and I laugh.

"Thank you all. It is okay to acknowledge it girls. I'm going to be a mom and I'm very excited." I assure them and they respond just as giddily as expected.

"Oh my god! You two are so cute! And you're going to be the best mom ever!" Madilyn gushes and all the other girls agree.

"Oh, come on guys. She knows we adore her lets go!" Grace laughs and we all say our goodbyes.

"Hey good lookin'. I conned Brian into taking the kiddo home, so how about we go take a shot, huh?" Rebecca grabs me.

"Woo! I don't know her, but I like her!" Hanna says throwing an arm around both me and Rebecca. I look to Alison to rescue me. She is laughing as hard as they are.

"Hey, I didn't get you a DD for nothing, drink up, have fun! It's your party, Em!" She reminds me. How could I have ever doubted her?

"Alright, what are we drinking?" I ask linking arms with both Rebecca and Hanna.

"TEQUILA!" they both shout in unison.

"You guys read my mind." I laugh.

Rebecca and Hanna are properly introduced between shots of Patron. By shot four I am feeling pretty damn happy. Hanna and Rebecca have me in stitches, everything they say is hilarious. Hanna is on shot number six and margarita number three by the time Ella and Ashley and my mom come up to say goodbye. I hug them all and talk far too long and loudly about how much they all mean to me and how much I love them. Alison and Jason come up to sit next to us at the bar.

"There you are!" I exclaim pulling Ali close and putting my chin on her shoulder.

"How did you get so pretty?" I whisper in her ear.

"Holy tequila, Em." She laughs, clearly smelling the alcohol on me.

"I'm sorry." I look away sheepishly.

"You're fine, love." She smiles as I start to kiss her mouth and down to her jaw bone.

"But, we are in public and you should probably slow down." She laughs again. I suddenly remember where I am.

"Hey, I want one of those!" I say pointing to some blue shot that Rebecca is about to take.

"One more." Rebecca smiles to the bar tender. He sets it before me and it goes down easy.

"That tasted like candy!" I exclaim to Rebecca.

"That's the idea." Rebecca smiles back at me.

"This is fun, you guys are so awesome, we should do this all the time!" I say leaning far back so they all can hear me.

It really is the best time that I have had in ages. I feel so worry free. Not to mention I'm with the two funniest people that I know. I take one more Patron shot and can tell that it's my last for the night. When I'm not emotionally drinking I'm actually very good at monitoring when enough is enough. Hanna however seems to be just getting started. Her and Rebecca are getting along swimmingly as I bounce between their laughter and interrupted Jason and Ali to remind them that I love them and how thankful I am for them. After shit number eight Hanna's eyes go drowsy and her speech begins to get sloppy.

"You know what I want to know, is how come you went for Ali and not me?" Hanna blurts out catching everyone's attention. I'm confused.

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"I mean we were all friends, she has blonde hair, I have blonde hair. She had blue eyes, I have blue eyes. She was mean to you, and I was not. So I just don't understand why you ended up going for the queen bee and not the honey." She rants. I start to laugh at her joke but then I see Alison's face.

"I didn't go for you because you aren't her." I say quickly wrapping an arm around Ali's waist. She leans into me. I can tell she appreciates the defense.

"I'm just sayin' I was super nice and Ali treated you awful. Does that mean you like it rough?" Hanna tries to joke but she's the only one laughing.

"So, this one time, Brian and I got caught parking by my former partner." Rebecca loudly interjects with her own embarrassing story to change the subject. I laugh.

"Oh my god, what did he say?" I ask, trying to encourage the subject change.

She goes on to tell the entire story about how they hadn't had a date night in over a year so they finally got someone to watch Felicity and so they ended up wanting to take full advantage of their alone time and parked at an abandoned parking lot only to hear the tapping of the officers flashlight against the window right as it was getting super heavy. The officer was so embarrassed that he just left. We are all laughing so hard at her that Hanna's comments are a thing of the past. We all sit and talk and laugh for another ten minutes or so before Hanna starts back in on Ali.

"I mean come on, shouldn't we be in that experimental phase? We are still in college, when's my turn?" She says hanging around my neck making kissy sounds at me.

"Alright, Brian is on his way to pick me up, but Han it was nice meeting you, and Em," she starts then wraps her arms tightly around me. "You deserve all the praise in the world for how you've taken care of your girls. Alison loves you more than I've ever seen a person love someone else. I'm so glad I have gotten to know you two." She says into my ear. I squeeze her back.

"You mean the world to us Rebecca! You've helped us when we had no one else to turn to. Thank you so much." I say.

She leaves and we all head down and get into Ali's car. Jason has to help Hanna out as she's having trouble walking at this point. While I know I'm pretty gone, Hanna is making me look perfectly sober by comparison. We start towards the apartment and its quiet at first. We turn on the radio and all start to sing along to the Katy Perry song that's on the radio. The tension starts to be alleviated a bit while we all join in and laugh.

"So, you have to tell me, who's the top?" Hanna asks suddenly as the song winds down, putting her chin on my shoulder.

"Hanna, you're ridiculous." I laugh.

"Oh, come on. No secrets between friends right? I bet it's you, Em. You're always so tough and brave and hot." She laughs.

"I think we are pretty mutual in bed." I say.

"Although, maybe since you liked Alison being mean in high school it's like that in the bedroom too. Do whips and chains excite you?" She asks.

That's when I notice how red Alison's face is. I don't answer. We pull up to the apartment and Jason helps Hanna inside and gives me my keys back. After he hugs us all goodbye he leaves. Hanna is clearly not done with the party as when I turn around she is dancing and begins singing S&M by Rihanna. It isn't long before she tries to pull me into her vulgar dancing.

"ENOUGH." Alison finally snaps. She grabs Hanna's arm and pulls her away from me.

"We get it, i used to be a bitch and you have some weird girl crush on Emily. But, she is _my_ girlfriend. And I will not sit back and take you hitting on her and berating me anymore. Party is over, you can sleep on the couch its over there." She spouts with every ounce of fire that she can muster. She is bold and strong just like the Alison that I fell in love with years ago. I step towards her.

"Ali..." I start.

"And **you**..." She points to me aggressively and I halt.

"I was a bitch in high school and I wronged you more than anyone. I get it. But I will not be punished for that forever. You think that I am doing something wrong you can say it to my face. And if any girl, including our friends, ever talks to you the way Hanna did tonight you had better shut it down, am I clear?" She demands.

"Yes, of course. I'm sorry Ali." I say. She nods. She has a triumphant smile. Like she has finally claimed the part of herself that _he_ took from her. I follow her to the bedroom.

"Ali..." I start but she cuts me off.

"I'm sure you're mad at me now, but I have spent too long not speaking up." She says turning the bed down.

"Ali..." I stop her, I am at her back now.

"What, if you're that pissed then go sleep on the couch with Hanna, I'm sure she'd be happy to have you." She spits.

I have never wanted her more than in this moment. She turns around and I don't have to say another word. She sees the lust in my eyes and hers soon match. We make love more aggressively than we ever have before. I didn't realize how much I had missed Alison's strength until now.

"Ouch." I grumble as my eyes flutter open.

"What, does your head hurt?" Ali asks. The clock says 8:45 AM.

"Well, yes, but I was referring to these." I say placing her hand on my back to feel the scratches she left there.

"Oh yeah. I'd say sorry but I think you liked it." She says coyly. Everything about her tone is more confident and feisty than I have heard her be since _he_ came into the picture.

"I did. Very much. I wasn't to rough with you was I?" I ask, ignoring the pounding in my head and the way my eyelids feel like they had been covered in superglue.

"You were just rough enough." She says kissing my ear.

"Can we go out for breakfast, I feel way too rough to cook." I say tickling her bare back softly.

"Of course. My appointment isn't until later, right?" She asks.

"Yeah its at three thirty." I remind her.

"I'm not sure that Han will want to eat at all let alone with me. It felt good taking control of the situation though. I felt confident again." She says as her hands wander my torso.

"It was the sexiest thing I had ever seen. And I am proud of you. I am so sorry for not confronting you about things. I guess I'm still getting used to sharing my life with someone." I say, the guilt feeling worse than this hangover.

"I understand. And I forgive you. Just learn from it." She says kissing me lightly and climbing out of bed to get ready.

I stand to join her but fall back to the bed face first. I hadn't expected to feel quite so sick. Tequila is one sneaky son of a bitch. Ali laughs at me and smacks my ass which is up in the air currently as she walks past.

"Get ready, princess. I'll go wake the child." She says leaving the room.

I know that I should pull myself together and go take care of Hanna since she and Ali had the fight. But, I feel awful. I take twice as long as usual just to pull off some leggings, a thermal long sleeved tee, a red flannel, and a messy bun. I look in the mirror. My face is beyond help. I wipe the mascara and eyeliner from under my eyes and call it good. I brush my teeth and step to the living room. I am shocked by the sight in front of me.

Hanna is curled in a ball with her eyes shut tight with her head in Alison's lap. Ali is playing with her hair and rubbing her scalp. She is speaking to her in a soft voice. They look so precious and sweet even if it is only the result of a wild night. I come and sit at the opposite end of the couch.

"Emily? Is that you?" Hanna asks, eyes remaining shut.

"I don't know who else it would be. But yes, its me." I laugh.

"I'm sorry I ruined your party and made an ass of myself." Hanna says desperately.

"You're okay. I think tequila was running the show last night. And I still had a great time, you didn't ruin anything." I assure her.

"I gave her a couple advil, we're just waiting for then to kick in." Ali says to me.

"Do you think some greasy diner food would help?" I ask her.

"I'm going to go make myself throw up and then yes. That little trick you showed me may have wreaked havoc on me in high school, but it does wonders for hangovers." Hanna makes light of a dark situation.

"I do what I can." Ali winks at her. Hanna leaves, stumbling her way to the bathroom. Ali lays her head on my chest and wraps her arms around my waist. I quickly reciprocate and wrap my arms around her too.

"I really was a bitch. I'm lucky to have had someone like you to bring out the good in me." She says. Bringing up Hanna's eating disorder always brings on the guilt for Ali even if she is able to joke about it now.

"You are an amazing woman, Alison." I assure her. Even through this hangover, I feel like the luckiest woman in the world.


	27. One Step Forward, Three Back

We are sitting at a little family owned diner trying to decide what to order. Hanna is wearing large sunglasses and one of my Lancers hoodies. She has the hood pulled tight over her head.

"Someone read it to me. And tell them to stop spinning the restaurant so fast." She whines, dramatically leaning back and dropping the menu.

"Ugh, I thought we had a few months before having to raise a child." Ali jokes.

"Very funny Alison." She mumbles.

"Well if you want to be treated like a grown up, you can act like one." Ali says handing her the menu.

"You're the worst." Hanna groans but cracks a smile at the end.

"Alright, what can I get you ladies?" Our waitress asks.

"I want a coffee. And all of the fried potatoes you can make." Hanna says handing him the menu.

"I'll take a coffee and three egg whites and a piece of the toast, extra butter." I list all of the things on the menu that don't make me want to puke.

"I will have the strawberry chocolate chip crepes. And a side order of bacon and scrambled eggs." Ali orders.

"You must be feeling good." I say wrapping an arm around her.

"I figured that I might as well take advantage of my appetite while it's here." She says and then nuzzles into the crook of my neck.

"Ugh, gross. I'm already sick enough I don't need you two being all lovey dovey." Hanna says.

"Oh don't even try that! I got up last night for some water and I heard you on the phone with Caleb. 'Oh, baby I miss you so much, I wish you were here, I love you more than anything.'" Ali mocks her.

"Was I that bad?!" Hanna clearly does not remember this conversation well.

"Oh yes." Ali laughs.

"That would explain why he has been checking in so much this morning." Hanna looks through her phones history.

"Yeah. Man drunk Hanna wanted her some Caleb pretty badly." She says raising an eyebrow at her own texts.

"Gross. I don't want to know." I say jokingly.

"Oh whatever, I have to hear you freaks going at it for hours and I can't even talk about sexting my boyfriend?" She complains. My face turns red with embarrassment.

"Hey, you don't need to blush baby. You should be proud of the sounds you pulled from me last night. I'm pretty sure Hanna isn't the only one who heard." Ali says winking at me.

"God, I'm going to crawl into a hole and hide for the next century. You two are so embarrassing when you're together." I say pulling my knees to my chest to hide my blushing face.

"Food is here." Our waitress delivers our food and I tear into it. Nothing fixes a hangover quite like grease.

"Remember to breathe, Em." Hanna jokes, slowly picking at her potatoes.

"I'm sorry it just feels so good on my stomach." I say between mouthfuls.

"You're a powerhouse. I am definitely going to have to get a box for these." She says picking at her potatoes.

We eat in comfortable silence save for the occasional complaint from Hanna. Hang overs always put her in full whine mode. I am just excited that Alison is keeping everything down and not experiencing her typical morning symptoms. It's so nice to just sit here with the two of them even if I'm not feeling my best. I cannot wait to have all of the girls over for Christmas! We get Hanna's to go box and head back to the apartment.

"Okay, I am going to get around to go." Hanna says beginning to gather her things.

"You have something important to get to? You're welcome to stay as long as you want." I offer.

"Well, sober Hanna is still wanting her some Caleb so, I better catch him before he has to get back to work." She winks at us.

"Get it, girl!" Ali laughs extending her arms for a hug. I laugh too and pretend not to be repulsed.

"I'm so happy you came, thank you so much." I say hugging her tightly after her and Ali part.

"I missed you, I love you guys so much." She says to us both as we part.

"I love you too. And you're always welcome here." Alison says, surprising us both. Once Hanna leaves I turn to her.

"You handled all of that very maturely Ms. Dilaurentis." I say cocking an eyebrow at her.

"Oh, I'm still pissed. But life is way too short. I'll get over it. But not before making you pay for it in the bedroom." She throws her sexy half smile at me and I pull her close.

"Tomorrow when I'm feeling better, there is nothing that I wouldn't do to make it up to you." I promise her.

We both take a long shower and get ready for her doctors appointment. Even though I am feeling a bit better after getting some food in my stomach I'm still dragging. Ali watches me struggle with my makeup for a moment.

"Here." She says with a soft smile. She tkes my make up from me and begins to work her magic.

"Look straight ahead." She keeps reminding me. All I want to look at is her. The way that she focuses so intently on my face warms ms from the inside out.

"I think you're enjoying this." I say trying to not move my eyebrows which she is working on.

"Maybe." She grins.

"It's nice taking care of you for a change." She smiles more deeply then. I smile too.

When she finished I look in the mirror, blown away. She is a magician with this stuff. Not only can you no longer tell that I'm hungover, I look a million times better than I do on an average day. She did some contouring and smoky topaz colored eye shadow. My cheek bones look sharp enough to cut glass. I can't stop turning my face back and forth admiring her work.

"Oh my god Ali. You made me hot!" I exclaim. She laughs.

"Babe, you're always hot. Literally always." She says hugging me from behind and making eye contact with me in the mirror.

"While I appreciate you saying that, this is some next level shit here." I say still unable to look away.

"Alright vanity smurf, if we don't get going we will be late. Plus I'm excited to show off my model of a girlfriend." She smiles placing a damp kiss on my neck.

"I will never get tired of hearing you call me that." I smile shifting in her arms so that I'm facing her now.

"What vanity smurf? A model?" She asks confused.

"Your girlfriend." I smile and she she pulls me into a tight embrace.

We sit in the waiting room and a woman is holding a tiny baby across from us. It can't be more than a week old. I think it's a girl by the pink and purple accessories. I dont want to cater to gender stereotypes though with our baby. If she wants to wear blue she will wear blue. The mom seems so tired but fairly confident holding her. She starts to fuss so the mom readjusts her and the baby calms down. My mouth is strangely dry watching them. I see Ali watching them but she just smiles with her hand resting on her belly. How can she be so calm and confident?

"Alison Dilaurentis." A nurse comes from the back and saves me from showing the fear burning in my chest.

As we walk back to the exam room I notice my legs feel shaky. My mind is a flurry and I feel like I did at the station when I first met Rebecca. I thought I was over this, I've been talking to and reading to Shae for a long time now, so why am I suddenly panicking again? It feels like one step forward three steps back all of the time. Just when I think that I am over all of this fear and can handle this suddenly I'm terrified again. I can't be feeling this inconsistent while raising a child, I know that much. There is just so much that could go wrong and my mind just can't let go of it. What if she isn't healthy? What if something happens and I can't protect her? What if I'm just a really bad parent? What if I can't provide the kind of support that Alison needs?

"You okay?" Ali whispers taking my hand.

"Yeah, just not feeling well, you know." I feature to my stomach blaming the hangover for my nausea.

"I love you." She says quietly rubbing the back of my hand.

"Ms. Dilaurentis, how are you?" Dr. Kline comes in and shakes our hands.

"Good to see you, and you too Ms. Fields." She says and sits to the computer pulling up Ali's chart.

"Says you have been experiencing some nausea? Vomiting?" She asks looking to Ali.

"Yeah, it just randomly started. I hadn't had any symptoms like that before and when it started it was severe." Ali tells her.

"Now is it just in the morning?" She asks.

"The severe vomiting has been but I will get bouts of nausea throughout the day. The concerning part to me is that I can't eat as much as I was. Lately I eat less than when I wasn't pregnant and I don't want her to be without nutrients she needs." Ali says, her worries becoming clear. She grabs my hand lightly.

"Well there are a few medications that you can take that are safe during pregnancy. Honestly, this could be just a temporary response from your body though. It's experiencing a lot of stress and changes. As you enter the third trimester if the symptoms are the same or worse I would be more concerned but I think you'll be okay. Your profile said that you are wanting a more natural approach to pregnancy is that correct?" She asks.

"Yes absolutely. I don't want to take a medicine and then find out that it caused some sort of side effect on my child later, I would never forgive myself." Ali insists.

"You are doing fine and you both are going to be okay." Dr. Kline says putting a hand in Ali's free hand. I can feel a bit of tension leave her as she nods.

"I will prescribe you the nausea medication that is the safest, that way you have it if you want it later. In the mean time, peppermint oil does wonders and making sure to keep taking your vitamins." She says.

She continues with a pelvic exam and some more questions and answers. Dr. Kline is a really great doctor. I can tell that Ali feels a lot better. She even uses a wand so that we can hear the baby's heartbeat, which makes even me feel better. She says that everything looks great, both Ali and the baby are growing how they should despite the lapse in appetite. She does want to do a bit of blood work to make sure that nothing is totally out of whack and then we are free to go. I wait in the lobby for her to finish up with the lab.

"I feel better about everything." Alison says linking her arm with mine as we head out to the car.

"Good, I was so worried about you. When do the lab results come back?" I ask.

"In two days they should call me and let me know how everything checked out. Thank you for taking me. I couldn't do this with anyone else helping me." She says kissing my cheek as I open the door for her. I smile to myself. Her reassurance does mean the world to me.

We spend the rest of the afternoon buying her some new maternity clothes and buying some more things for the baby. We need to order the crib soon so that I can get it put together and see how it will fit into our room the best. I may have to do some rearranging. Whatever works for Shae and Ali works for me. I squeeze her hand as we pull up to the apartment. God, I love these two. Staring at her cute ass face as she struggles with her belly and the shopping bags I know that I want to get her that ring for Christmas.


	28. Merry Christmas

**I'm sorry for the delay. I've had some really bad stuff come up in my life and it blocked me up pretty badly. Which is why I decided to do a lovely fluffy chapter because we all need some good Christmas feels! Hope you all had a great holiday!**

I fell in love with Alison when I was just a kid. I could have never known what I was getting myself into, but even if I did, I couldn't have stopped this. My heart has always been beating for her. I loved Maya, and I cared deeply for Paige, and as much as I hate to admit it I was very attracted to Sarah and Talia. But through all of those there was one thing that my heart truly desired... And now she is falling asleep on my chest.

"You're so pretty." She mumbles in her sleep as she stirs against my chest. I hold her tighter.

"Thank you baby, so are you." I whisper.

"You're the prettiest girl I've ever seen." She mumbles kissing at my collarbone.

"Oh yeah?" I ask smiling, trying not to laugh at her sleep talk.

"You're like a model, or a beautiful Mermaid princess." She says followed by a light snore.

"Well, sleeping beauty, I think it's time to wake up, the girls will be here any minute." I whisper to her.

"I don't want girls, I want you." She says before nuzzling deeper into my chest.

"I don't want any other girls either, but our friends are on their way." I rub my thumb across her eyebrow and gently tickle under her chin trying to wake her.

"Hmm? How long was I out? Where are the girls?" She asks suddenly opening her eyes wide and looking around the room.

"You were out for just under an hour and the girls are coming. Han text me 15 minutes ago and said that she had Aria and Spencer picked up from the airport and that they were on their way." I say rubbing her neck and shoulders.

"That feels good thank you." She says leaning into me.

Things have been good. Her nausea has been less severe and less frequent. I know that it's been easier for me at least, not having to worry so severely. I mean being honest, I'm always going to worry. It's my nature. But, the doctor didn't seem concerned about that part so neither am I. The results from her blood work still have me a bit rattled but they assured us that blood thickening is common during pregnancy and won't necessarily cause any problems. I've been doing a lot better with my worrying.

"Knock knock!" Hanna shouts as she throws the door open.

I see the tiny brunette behind her and run straight into her open arms. I love how Aria always rubs and pats your back when she hugs you. She is chattering and shaking all over. I laugh to myself.

"Oh, honey, you're so cold!" I exclaim grabbing her icy hands in mine as we pull away from our embrace.

"And so is your heart, you ran right past the most important person here." Hanna scoffs dramatically.

"Reign it in, I'm still the queen bitch around here." Ali laughs pulling Hanna into a hug.

"Georgia has you acting cold blooded, Ar." Spencer teases nudging her.

"I forgot what it was like for the temperature to be below 50." She chatters.

"Come here, you." Spencer smiles to me. I hold her tightly and inhale. She always smells like coffee and lavender. It's so familiar that it feels like home sometimes.

"Now it's your turn, Han." I smile to her as she fills my arms.

"I know that I just saw you, but I missed you." She whispers to me.

"I missed you too, silly." I say as we rock back and forth playfully in our hug.

"It's so nice to finally all be together again!" Spencer says, affectionately linking arms with Ali and Aria who are next to her.

"You're telling me!" I say as I wrap an arm around Ali's waist to join the group.

"Photo opportunity!" Hanna shouts. She sets up her phone on a timer and sets it on the back of our couch positioning it just right. She runs back to get on the other side of Aria.

We don't stop at one. We end up having a full shoot including several individual and improptu shots. One where Spence and Hanna are kissing Alison's belly playfully, one where we are all holding Spencer in a line, one where we are all making stupid faces, we attempted another goofy one where Hanna tried to hold her foot up over her head but she dropped it and it landed on Spencer's head knocking her to the ground so instead we got one of all of us laughing hysterically. It ended up being our favorite shot of the night.

"I miss this so much." Hanna says wiping her eyes from laughing so hard.

"Me too." Aria nods and we all agree.

We all make plates with the finger foods and desserts that I prepared and pop open the wine that Spencer bought on the way here. As we sit down in the living room Alison looks at Hanna with her instense staredown.

"I'm watching you, Marin. No repeats of last time." She says seriously. Hanna nods on terrified submission. I love queen bee Ali.

"So, Em, you never told me what happened with that meeting with your academic advisor." Spencer says refilling her glass.

"What meeting!?" Hanna demands. It always bothers her the most when she doesn't know something first.

"I met with her and I have actually gone down a completely different path." I smile. Ali looks at me, proud.

"No more sports?" Aria asks surprised.

"No more sports. Don't get me wrong, I love my job and I love and believe in sports, but helping these girls and befriending Rebecca just made me realize that my heart is headed in a different direction." I explain.

"What direction is that?" Hanna asks, focusing in the subject matter finally instead of who knew what.

"I'm not positive yet. But I am thinking some kind of social work. I want to be the voice for people who have none. I want to make a difference. So currently I have changed my major to psychology with a focus in social work and criminal studies. I have another year before I need to really figure out what I want." While I feel much more at peace about the switch even considering the timeframe makes me anxious.

"I'm dating a superhero." Ali says pouncing on me and throwing her arms around my neck, playfully kissing my face. I laugh and catch her lips with my own.

"You guys are ridiculously perfect. It's so weird actually seeing you finally together." Aria smiles like a child watching a princess movie.

"More like ridiculously GROSS." Spencer teases nudging us.

"Just because you and Toby's version of foreplay is playing chess or doing a crossword or some other boring shit does not mean that actually showing affection for each other is gross." Alison shoots right back at Spencer. We all laugh.

"We aren't boring, we just like to keep our private life private... Trust me there is a reason I'm not so stressed now that we live together." Spencer retorts throwing a wink in for good measure.

"Gross, that's like hearing about my brother's sex life." I say shaking my head to try to avoid the image from invading.

"What about you, Ar? Any men on the horizon?" Hanna asks.

"No, and I'm loving it. I feel so free and happy. I have had some hookups and even some regular dates but I'm not tied down. I've been able to really explore who I am and what I want. I even went home with a girl a couple months ago." Aria says quickly drinking at her wine as though we aren't going to ask a million questions.

"Whoa whoa, excuse me? Are you joining our side?" Ali asks sitting up straight.

"No, it really wasn't a big deal and that's the point. Everything is fluid, especially attraxtion. I love men. That night I found a girl attractive. It doesn't mean a thing. It was fun." Aria smiles and seems even more secure in herself than I have ever seen her.

"Art school has made you a freak." Spencer laughs and we all join in.

"No it just freed me to fly my freak flag that was always there." Aria smiles to her.

"How about you and Caleb? Your setup still working out?" Aria asks.

"It's like a dream. We are more on fire than we have ever been. Almost no arguments whatsoever, just lust and love all fueled by our own freedom. I wish we had done this sooner." Hanna smiles.

"You are happier than I ever remember seeing you. That makes me happy too." I tell her reaching to her in our oversized chair to squeeze her hand.

"You know what would make me even happier?" Hanna asks and then stares at us all expectantly. We stare back having no idea.

"Let's open presents!" Hanna shouts excitedly, running to her bag of gifts.

"Nope, no way. You put those under our tacky fake tree or our menagerie of other Christmas decorations. We open gifts in the morning." Ali demands.

"Hey, you're the one who said we had to wait to get a real Christmas tree until we had a real house." I say sadly.

"You're such a buzzkill Ali." Hanna pouts plopping back in her chair.

After a few hours the bottle of wine is long spent and so are three frozen pizzas and a vast majority of the snacks we had provided. More secrets are shared, everyday stories told, and jokes at each others expense delivered. It is such a wonderful night. It's crazy to scan the room and see the girls that you grew up with, now women. There is so much love in this room.

"I'm sleepy but I don't want to leave them." Alison whispers drowsy in my arms.

"Then we won't." I smile to her.

"Everybody up." I say. Everyone looks confused but obeys.

I get to pushing all of our furniture away from the center of the room I clear our coffee table and carry it to our room. I exit with armfuls of blankets and pillows. I take another trip and return with sleeping bags and comforters. I layer and layer the floor with blankets and pillows until it is one giant bed. I see everyone else smiling as wide as me.

"You're the best." Alison says kissing me right on the mouth.

"Let the cuddlefest begin!" Hanna shouts, flipping on the bed I mad and opening her arms. We all pile in together.

By the end we are all laying together, Netflix on, and Alison snoring on my arm. Hanna is second to fall asleep, halfway through Bridesmaids with her ass in the air. Aria is between Spencer and I and reaches down to grab our hands. She squeezes them lovingly and gives us both a smile.

"I love you guys." She says.

"I love you too." Spencer and I reply in unison.

"I've made a lot of friends out in Georgia, but it's never going to compare to this. I don't know if that's a good or bad thing." She says staring off in the distance, likely remembering the things that have made us so close.

"Maybe its both." I say, still gripping her hand in mine.

"Lucky to have it, cursed to never repeat it." Spencer puts our feelings into words so eloquently.

"You know I plan on travelling for awhile and seeing the world... But I have a feeling that I will end up dropping anchor back here someday. I mean, assuming you guys are still here." She says looking to us.

"Ali and I have talked about buying a house once this lease is up." I confess.

"That's amazing!" Aria says trying to hush her excitement to not wake the others.

"I have been putting more and more thought into it and I'm pretty sure I will be coming to Penn for my graduate program. Assuming they take me." Spencer says, we start with excitement and then just roll our eyes and give her dead stares with her last sentence.

"What!? It's a hard program to get into!" Spencer defends laughing.

"It would be literally impossible for you to not get in." Aria laughs.

"And once Han is out of school she'll be free to come visit more, because let's be real she's in love with New York." I say looking over at the girl slobbering all over my favorite pillow.

"Until then, we have this, right?" Aria says lifting our joined hands.

"Always will." I say kissing her hand.

It's not long before I am drifting off. I see Spencer and Aria slide down in the covers to continue their conversation even later into the night. Not much has changed over the years. But, my love for these women has only grown. And, the girl of my dreams kisses me in front of people instead of only under cover of the night. As my lids can't hold themselves open anymore, I fall into a lovely dream where the four of us are in our forties and enjoying a Sunday brunch and are just as happy as we've ever been.

"Everyone wake up! It's Christmas!" Hanna tells startling everyone. She is running to the tree to sort out gifts already like an oversized toddler.

"I will murder her one day." Spencer promises as she pries Aria off of herself and goes to start some coffee.

"Let's eat first, we all know Spencer hates everything before her coffee and breakfast anyway and Aria won't even remember it. I'll make breakfast." I offer. I lean down to kiss Alison awake.

"NO FUN." Hanna says before running to the breakfast bar.

"Why does Christmas suddenly make you a morning person?" Spencer grumbles hovering in the steam rising from her cup.

"I love gifts. Giving and receiving. 'Tis the season, right?" Hanna smiles.

I make custom omelettes for everyone. Potatoes, bacon, ham, and cheddar with white gravy on top for Hanna. Sundried tomato, basil, and mozzarella for Aria Chorizo, white queso, cilantro, and avocado for Ali (she's been on a Mexican kick lately) Finally, egg whites with dill and parmesean for Spencer and I. It's a huge hit. I love making people happy with my food!

"Hey if this whole social work thing doesn't work out you could just be my live in chef." Hanna says practically making love to her food.

"Hey, the more she cooks for you the less she cooks for me so absolutely not." Ali says, her food already gone and now eating a chunk of cheddar.

"I'm just glad your appetite is back." I smile kissing her cheek between bites.

It isn't long before Aria is fully awake and the coffee is working on Spencer's mood. Aria gets out her camera and puts it together. She takes a few test shots to get used to the lighting. I love watching her at her craft. She truly loves photography. I guess it's her way of controlling the passage of time. She can capture a moment and have it forever.

"I hope you two don't mind that your gift is going to be maternity and family photos. I don't have a lot of money right now." Aria says apologetically.

"Are you kidding!? That's the best gift we could hope for. We love you go bits, you didn't have to go anything for us." Ali says pulling her info a hug. I follow suit.

"You may not have money but you have plenty of talent and that is an even better blessing." I say.

We all sit down around the tree and Hanna begins sorting to gifts out for everyone. We are talking and laughing and Aria gets a few really great candid shots of us. She then sets her camera to the side and joins us. Everyone is so excited to see the reactions to gifts that we decide to take turns.

"You all have to open ours last though okay." I remind everyone and Alison and I share a knowing smile.

We all get very thoughtful gifts. Some invoking inside jokes, some very practical. Spencer giving Aria a crop top that says "Team Sparia" and we feel simultaneously laughter and Nostalgia. Hanna gives everyone a locket, each with a different picture of her and the girl receiving it. I tear up looking at the picture of the two of us from sophomore year laughing hard with our arms around each other. Spencer gave us some gifts for the baby as well as us including a onsie that says, "I love my moms" and a wooden plaque that says "Love Grows Here" that we agree to hang above our door. She also delivers one from "Uncle Toby" which is a baby Circa Survive T-shirt.

"Can we open yours now?" Hanna asks excitedly.

"Okay." Alison smiles, one hand in mine and the other on her belly.

Everyone removes the shiny red ribbon and tears away the beautiful matte white paper embossed with glossy brocade patterns. I love wrapping gifts, the presentation is as important as the gift itself. Each of them are holding a black box. When they remove the top and unfold the white tissue paper there isn't a dry eye in the room.

We had custom frames made to hold our latest image of Shae. They are 8x10 matted down to 5x7. The matte spells out "SHAE" in large letters with the namesake for each letter coming off of it so that they can see that we named her for them. They are speechless.

"And you guys can use the frame as she grows and just keep replacing the picture so you'll always remember how important you all are to us." I say with a shaky voice wiping at my eyes.

"Are you guys for real!?" Spencer asks wiping the tears from her eyes.

"We wanted to name her after the strongest women we know. Because we wouldnt be here if it weren't for you guys." Ali confirms crying more than I have seen her cry in a long time.

"She's lucky to have the three best aunts and godmothers that we could hope for." I say.

"Godmothers!?" Hanna wails out even louder.

"If you want to, I mean, will you guys be her godmothers?" I stammer.

There is a resounding yes from everyone and we collapse into a group hug. Shae sure is lucky to be surrounding by such love.

"What did you guys get each other?" Aria asks, noticing we didn't exchange gifts as the moment draws to an end.

"We will be exchanging gifts tomorrow. We want to make Christmas last." Ali smiles to me.

I can't wait to see the look on her face when she opens my gift.


	29. Everyone We Love

**Thank you all for being so kind and supportive if me! It meant so much for all of you to care about me on a personal level as well as my writing! Your compliments and feedback are so appreciated! Love you guys!**

All of us are talking and laughing and sipping on some cocktails that I made in the kitchen, just killing time before the big Christmas get together later. I love how even when it's been a long time, its like we never missed a beat. We all just fall so naturally back into rhythm. All of our families meet at my moms and we have a christmas celebration all together. It's my favorite tradition. Conveniently Jason can't make it. It's beginning to feel a bit like he's avoiding me. I jump as my phone goes off and I had been distracted by my thoughts. I pull it out of my pocket. It's Zoey. My brow furrows and I step away from the group.

"Hello?" I answer, my voice concerned. I don't get a response but I hear crying.

"Zoey, are you okay, what is it?" I ask sounding calm and collected but feeling a surge of panic. As if by instinct Alison comes over, her face matching mine.

"Coach, I'm sorry I'm calling. I just didn't know who else." She is sobbing.

"You don't have to be sorry, you can call me anytime. Can you tell me what's wrong?" I ask, my voice slow and soothing.

"My parents got into a really big fight. I thought they were going to kill each other. They were screaming and breaking things. My dad stormed out so my mom left too. I don't know of I'm more afraid of them coming home or not coming home at this point" I grab my keys and my coat.

"You don't have to be scared because I'm coming to get you." I say, springing into action.

"I don't want to ruin your Christmas." She says.

"You're not. I promise. I'm not taking no for an answer. I will leave your parents a voicemail but you are coming to Christmas with us." I look to Ali to get an okay and she is already putting on her boots, the rest of the girls looking on in confusion and concern.

"We'll be there in fifteen." I assure her.

"Okay." Her voice is a whisper.

I fill Alison and the girls in and they decide to stay back as not to intimidate her. I see Alison struggling not to cry as we head towards her house. I reach over and take her hand. She squeezes it tight.

"I wish that we could just take her." She whispers.

"Me too." I say.

We ride the rest of the way in silence. I can't help but to think about it though. Zoey is going to be 16 soon. She could go for the emancipation route but who knows how well that would go. She could try to make a case against them but then it would be left up to the court system and she would likely end up in foster care and who knows if it would be a good situation. And her parents have never physically hurt her to my knowledge. She has two years until she is 18 and can leave. Maybe waiting it out with a good support system is all she needs.

Zoey has barely swing the door open before she is crying on my chest. I hold her tightly and sway. I whisper go her, "It's okay now." Over and over. O wait until her tears slow down and walk her to the car with an arm around her shoulders. Alison is waiting outside of the car and opens her arms to her too.

"I'm sorry, Ali. I didn't have anyone to call." She's crying again.

"Hey, you have us. I don't want to hear you say sorry ever again. You have us." Ali says very seriously. Her voice is so stern, but in a way that is comforting.

We are on our way back to our place and I explain what the day will be like to Zoey. I tell her about the girls and what each one is like. I tell her about their families and how we are all joining together for Christmas. She remembers Ella from my party. She seems nervous but okay with the setup. We pull into our parking spot and I shut off the engine. I make no move to exit the car.

"Are you up for all of this, Zoey? Because if not I can stay here with you and you don't have to meet a bunch of people." I offer looking at her in the rearview mirror.

"No, I'm excited. I think it will be a good distraction. I am really nervous though." She says fiddling with her hands in her lap.

"Everyone will love you. You don't have to be anything special for them. Even if you don't say a word all night we are all happy to have you." Alison assures her. Zoey nods and appears a bit more comfortable.

"Are you ready?" I ask. She takes a deep breath.

"I guess so." She tries to smile.

Alison comes around the side of the car to meet her. They link arms and walk up the stairs in front of me. Watching them together I suddenly feel a tear in my eye. I never noticed how they look a bit alike. Zoey's eyes are cobalt just like Ali's. Her hair is dark blonde, like Ali's. Her face shape even reminds me a bit of hers. She may have one less chin dimple and a lot more freckles but they could pass for siblings or even mom and daughter if they were a bit farther apart in age.

We walk in the apartment and I am proud that even Hanna is quiet. They all greet her with a warm smile and wait to be introduced. I introduce everyone and they each go to shake her hand. Spencer is last and I suddenly recognize the look on her face... Empathy. Spencer knows what it's like to watch your parents fight. She looks at her warmly and Zoey seems to know without having to say a word.

"I'm glad you're spending Christmas with us Zoey. I've heard a lot about you." Spencer smiles gently and squeezes her arm.

"You too, thanks for having me." She says. They look at each other a moment longer before Spencer finally just gives her a big hug. She knows how much she needed it back then.

We all keep talking and snacking, Zoey keeps mostly quiet. I notice how she is slowly looking more and more at ease though. Her mother finally replies to the message I left her with a simple "k". Classy. I send a message to my own mother informing her that we would have an extra guest and a bit about the circumstances. She sends about a dozen messages asking what her favorite foods are and what kind of candy she likes. Her hospitality is out control sometimes and that's why I love her so much.

It's not long before we are packing up the cars and heading out. Hanna drives with Aria and Spencer opts to ride with Ali, Zoey, and me. We listen to Bon Iver's Holocene the whole way which lulls Ali into a much needed nap. Spencer has Zoey talking up a storm in the back. She really is a lot better with kids than she gives herself credit for. She will make an excellent mom some day and a perfect aunt to Shae.

We arrive and unload all of the gifts and wine and food. Everyone is so loud greeting everyone else when we enter. There are hugs and kisses on the cheeks and oohs and aahs. Zoey looks shocked at the warm welcome. I don't think she has ever had a large family function, especially not one filled with so much love and acceptance.

She remembers Ella from my party and they begin to catch up so I feel a bit more comfortable leaving her. Everyone has a million questions for Ali and I. I keep an arm around her waist the entire time as everyone asks how the baby is doing, how she is feeling, how many weeks along is she, what are our plans, all of the usual things. I feel proud here next to her. These are my girls, how did I get so lucky?

"What are you staring at?" Ali asks catching my eyes on her as we get a break from interrogation.

"The most beautiful woman in the world." I smile to her. She gets that sweet look on her face, like she's falling in love with me all over again. It's my goal to make her feel that way at least once a day. She kisses me softly.

Zoey returns to us and we include her in conversation before we all sit down to a meal. Mom has made ham, roast chicken, and dozens of sides and appetizers. It takes some convincing for Zoey to partake, she still feels like she is imposing. Before I can really stress to her that it's okay my mom has wrapped an arm around her and is walking her through the buffet setup, telling her about each dish and encouraging her to take as much as she wants. She ends up with a full plate and a smile on her face. My mom has come so far.

The food is amazing as usual and Spencer and Alison both go up for seconds and thirds. Zoey even goes up to get a few more of my mom's sweet rolls. I'm glad she is feeling comfortable. We seperate just a little into our family units for gifts, we all can still talk and see each other but its a bit more defined. My dad calls us on skypr and gets to watch it all. It's so nice to see his face. Luckily, within a year he will be retiring and i can see him all the time. I love watching everyine so happy together. It's a really wonderful time even if we do have to tell my mom five times that she has to wait until the end to open the gift from Ali and me.

When my mom heard that Zoey was coming she ran to the store and made her her own stocking. It was filled with all kinds of stuff, some books, a journal since she likes to write, and tkns of candy including her favorite: sour patch kids. She is beside herself with gratitude.

"Let me see how my grand baby is growing." My dad says to Ali as my mom continues to open gifts. Alison laughs and lifts her sweater up over her belly. His eyes get huge.

"Whoa look at that! I can't believe my little sweetheart is in there! I can't wait to meet her!" He exclaims and we all laugh.

"We can't wait for her to meet you either Wayne." Ali smiles.

"Alison, I think it's about time that you stop calling me Wayne. You can call me dad." He says leaning towards the camera. Tears spring into both Ali's and my own eyes. She looks to me with a smile, and then back to him.

"Okay, dad." She beams.

"Can I please open my gift now?" My mom's interrupts with the beautiful box in her hands. Everyone is pretty well finished and watching at this point.

"Okay." I smile to her. My mom tries to be polite by opening it delicately as all eyes are on her now.

"Oh come on, we aren't reusing the paper! Tear that bad boy open!" My dad jests from the computer we all laugh and mom obliges, opening faster.

"Oh!" She puts a hand overing her mouth as tears springing into her eyes.

"What do you think?" Now I'm the eager one.

"It's perfect." She mouths as emotion has taken her voice.

"What is it, let me see." Dad says sounding like a little boy now.

She holds them all up for dad to see. One is a framed picture just like the one the girls got with the name Shae on it. The other is a picture that I snuck during thanksgiving of my mom talking to Ali's belly. It says "Nana" on the top of the frame. The other is empty and says "Papa" and I'd empty. He smiles at us both.

"We want to put a picture of when you first meet her in that one." I explain.

"Shae... What a beautiful name. Shae." He can't stop smiling.

It feels so good being able to call Shae by her name to everyone now! I was so afraid that telling people would make me hate the name but it has only made me fall more in love with it hearing it come out of all of my favorite people's mouths. Dad had to go back to work. I'm just thankful to have seen his face and heard his voice today. To think that this should be the last Christmas without him makes me extremely happy.

"Are you okay that everyone knows her name?" Ali asks me as we find a quiet moment watching the snow fall through the window if my back door.

"I am. It makes it all the more real. Which is good." I say wrapping my hands around her waist from behind her. She leans back into me.

"I can't imagine a better way to spend Christmas than just like this. With you. And with everyone we love. But I know its just going to keep getting better. Next year Shae will be here with us." She smiles. I smile too even if that thought does freak me out just a bit. Time is going so fast.

Before we know it the night is wrapping up. Aria and Spencer are staying at Aria's parents house, Hanna with her mom, and I would love to stay here but I need to get Zoey back. I would love to let her crash at my place but it seems somewhat inappropriate without her parents or the school being notified or involved. I certainly am not wanting to take her back to her house though. Especially with how happy she looks talkibg about her new books with Ella and Ali and thanking my mom over and over.

"Hey, Zoey." I call to her. She comes over to me.

"Thank you so much coach! This was the best Christmas that I've ever had!" She exclaims excitedly.

"I'm glad! And you can call me Emily, we aren't at the pool." I laugh at her formality.

"I was just thinking, as much as I would love for you to stay with us I'm not sure that it's the best idea since I am also your coach and faculty of the school. Do you think that you could call or text Grace? Her family is really great and I'm sure they would let you stay the night." I ask. She looks hesitant.

"I don't know. I haven't told Grace a ton about my parents and I don't want to make it weird. And I don't want to crash another Christmas." She says, guilt evident.

"Well, for starters you didn't crash this one, you were invited. And I'm sure she would understand. I know Grace pretty well and she wouldn't make you tell her anything you weren't comfortable sharing and she certainly wouldn't judge you." I try to ease her mind. She nods a bit.

"I'll text her." She says walking back out to the living room.

We get everything rounded up and say goodbye to everyone who is leaving. The girls and I share a long tearfilled group hug. I love them so deeply. Spencer makes a point to hug Zoey goodbye and they exchange emails. It's always good to have a line of communication open with someone who understands where you're coming from. She gets the okay to go to Grace's for the night and so we head out. We are fairly quiet on the way there. Jeff Buckley's Grace album is playing lightly as the snow continues to fall. Everything is peaceful. We pull up to Grace's house and Zoey looks at us.

"I can't thank you guys enough. I felt alone before you reached out to me. Now, I know it doesn't have to be like that. I love you guys." She says, surprising both Alison and I. The Zoey I met at the start of the season never would have spoken so openly. I grab her hand and give it a squeeze.

"We love you too." I assure her. She smiles and exits the car. I wait until she gets inside and we head home.

Ali is quiet still. She looks almost sad. Something in her face tells me to leave it alone though and so I do. I reach over and grab her hand and hold it the rest of the way home.

"Merry Christmas, baby." I say as we pull into our spot.

"Merry Christmas." She forces a smile and we head inside to sleep off this eventful but overall wonderful day.


	30. The Gift of Understanding

**First off, I'm sorry about the confusion but I tried to post chapter 30 earlier but Google docs decided to delete half of it so I had to pull it and try again.**

 **Also I have been getting a lot of mixed feedback about where you all want the story to go both in the reviews and in private messages. I have decided that I can't make everyone happy as far as that goes so I am just going to let the story take charge of itself so please don't think that I am purposely ignoring your requests or feedback! I just am getting equal amounts of opposite feedback and have to do my own thing.**

 **I am sorry that I do not update as often anymore. If I could I would, but my life has become both more busy and more difficult and it is extremely hard for me to find creative energy when I am going through so many other things. If you stick with me though I assure you I will continue to update.**

"Good morning, Em." I feel the whisper against my collarbone more than I hear it.

"Good morning, Ali." I smile, holding her tighter and still not opening my eyes.

"Are you ready for presents?" She asks expectantly. I can feel the tension in her body already and have to laugh to myself. I take a glance with one eye at the clock.

"It is 7:45 and we both have the day off and you want to get out if bed now?" I ask in jest.

"We don't even have to get out of bed for presents." She grins and I sit up a little.

"I like the sound of that kind of present." I say arching a brow in her direction. She hits my arm.

"You bad girl, I will punish you for that later." She says leaning over the edge of the bed to dig a couple of beautifully wrapped gifts from under the bed.

"As you wish dear." I say walking to my armoire and pulling out the gifts I had prepared for her.

"Okay, who gets to go first." She is beaming and it's adorable.

"Well, since you look like you could jog to the moon and back right now I suppose you should go first." I laugh at her.

She eagerly hands me two gifts, both wrapped in rustic tan paper and tied with twine. They are both numbered so I know which to open first. I open what is a very thin box rounghly the size of an envelope. Inside there is a gift card for a spa in Washington DC. Under that is a plane ticket. I look to her.

"You have been so amazing to me and taken such incredible care of me when you didn't have to. I wanted to treat you to something so that you can relax and take a break. So I talked to Spencer and she and I planned a weekend trip for you. You can stay with her and Toby and you two will have a spa day and then whatever else you want to do out there." She says holding my hands.

"I don't know what to say! You are so amazing and thoughtful baby! And just for the record I don't view taking care of you as something that I need a break from." I say kissing her.

"I know, that's the problem, you would never take a break on your own so I am forcing you." She laughs.

I turn my attention to the next box. I open it and immediately am teary eyed. It is a large scrapbook that looks older and worn in. "My Mermaid" it says across the cover in beautiful calligraphy. I open it up and see pictures of us when we first became friends. There were little notes and song lyrics scribbled through out the pictures. Funny things I said or that we did together, quotes, almost journal like entries. These were clearly written when we were young. Things like "Emily Fields acts like she is blessed by my presence, like I am so far above her. She has no idea that with her beauty, she could rule the school" and "I watched Emily swim for the first time today. She is my mermaid, and I will never view her the same way."

I continue to flip through the pages as we laugh and cry reading over things. It progresses through high school. There are even a few entries from when she was away. I freeze and cry a lot harder when I see a picture of Maya and me.

"My mermaid is happy with someone else. She is learning to be brave for her. All I have ever wanted is for her to be happy, so I will be happy for her. I have to be."

"Even then?" I ask weakly through my tears.

"Always Emily. I have always loved you. And so did Maya. Trust me I kept my eye on her." We chuckle slightly and I nod. The fact that she can be so understanding and loving about that time in my life means the world to me.

I continue through the book and see that it continues even while she and _him_ were together. During that time it's mostly just pictures, very few words. There is one of just me that she took. I remember that moment, we were out for coffee and I knew she was going through something with _him_ , but she wouldn't reveal what. She said my name softly and I looked up at her with such adoration and she snuck a picture. She put it here and under it it just says, "I miss us." I wipe a tear from her eye.

"I wanted to show you this, because I needed you to know that it's always been you. When I was with _him,_ when I was away, when I was mean to you... I've always loved you, and I always will." She's crying even more now and so am I.

"Come here." I whisper and pull her perfect lips onto mine. I kiss her long and hard, her mouth soothing every ache that I have ever felt.

"I don't know how I'm supposed to top that." I whisper as we pull away for a moment.

I place the long velvet box in her hand. It has a red ribbon tied around if which she slides off. She looks at me with a giddy grin before opening the box. Her face lights up but her brow furrows slightly in confusion. She lifts the pendant slightly to inspect it.

"I called Kendra and got a recording of Shae's heartbeat. I found a company that takes those recordings and makes necklaces out of them." I explain nervous, hoping that she will like it.

"Oh my god, babe! This is Shae's precious little heartbeat!?" She asks tearing up again.

"Yes, I thought it came out really beautifully, is it okay?" I ask for reassurance.

"It's better than okay! Put it on me!" she demands removing it from the box and lifting her hair for me.

I put it around her neck and she can't stop smiling or looking down at it. That is exactly what I was going for! She is so beautiful when she smiles. She has one hand on her stomach and one holding the necklace and she turns her attention to me. She gets this look that I can't quite place. She touches my face and pulls me in for a long lingering kiss.

"Merry Christmas, Emily." She smiles to me when we finally part.

"Merry Christmas to you too, Ali." I say before planting another kiss on her mouth.

She begins to clean up the wrapping paper so I walk back to my armoire to grab some clothes. I check over my shoulder to insure that she isn't looking. I pull out the smaller velvet box and sneak a glance at the beautiful diamond ring inside. I bury it back behind my clothes and head to take a shower giving her a knowing smile as I walk past her.

"Come join me when you're ready" I say loudly from the bathroom.

I had thought about proposing for Christmas, but I didn't want it to be cliche and I wanted her to be surprised. But, I couldn't wait on the ring. Now it's just a matter of when. I'd marry her tomorrow if I could. I'm terrified that she won't want to, but at this point I want her to be my wife so much that I can't imagine not asking her.

"You okay, Em? You're zoning out over those eggs." Ali says, hopping up to sit on the counter beside the stove.

"Hm? Oh, yeah I'm fine. Perfect actually." I smile as I slide her three Sunnyside up eggs onto her plate next to some potatoes and an avocado I diced up with some tomatoes.

"You're the best." She says kissing my cheek and taking her food to the breakfast bar.

We eat and talk for the next hour. She is surprisingly chatty today. Almost giddy. I love when she is like this. It reminds me of when we were kids and she would let her guard down when it was just the two of us. She always spent so much time protecting her image and pretending to be so mature and serious. But when we would have a sleep over she would finally loosen up and we would be so hyper and laugh so hard. We would stay up until dawn just talking and being silly. I'm so glad that time and all of her trauma haven't taken this from her.

She laughs turning her head to the side and suddenly I am struck with a flashback of how terrible her face looked when she first moved in and I feel sick to my stomach. I grab her hand and rub it gently, trying not to let on what I'm thinking about. She takes one look at my face and knows that something has changed though. She has always been good at that with me. I'm so transparent when it comes to her.

"What are you worrying about?" She asks turning in her chair to better face me.

"Nothing. I just... I'm just really glad that you're here now. Not just because I get to finally be with you. I'm glad that you aren't in another situation." I beat around the bush. I don't like bringing up her trauma, it isn't mine to bring up.

"So am I. You saved me." She smiles and kisses my hands.

I let the moment pass and just try to shake the sick feeling that thinking about her past gave me. She has come so far that it's easy to forget where we started. I guess that I've come pretty far too. On that note, I reach over and lay a palm flat on her belly. She stops mid sentence and smiles at me as I lean down and kiss her tummy.

"I love when you do that." She says running her fingertips through my hair.

"I can't wait to meet her." I smile, nuzzling her tummy one more time before leaning back to Alison's face and tapping her lips with my own.

"Me either." Ali says rubbing her tummy now.

"You know I was thinking that maybe we could do some parenting classes together." She says casually.

"Are you scared? Is it me?" I ask suddenly staring nervously at my hands. I don't mean to be so sensitive but what if she doesn't think I'm cut out for this?

"No, no, not that. I mean I am scared but not about your parenting skills or anything. It's just that neither of us know what we are doing here, not really. And we are still fairly new too. So I think it would be good for us to be prepared and to bond and become even more of a team for Shae." She says turning my face up so that I have to look her in the eyes.

"Team Shae. I can handle that." I smile.

We curl up together on the couch for a little while just to savor each others presence. Soon though she can't fight the urge to catch up on some work and I decide to research parenting classes. There are a lot in the area, more than I had expected for sure. Maybe it would help to go to a couple different types of them so that we could really feel more prepared. I know I would be most comfortable with that.

We put on Elf in the background and continue our work, seperate but together. It's so nice finding someone who I can be so comfortable with. I tend to like my alone time but it doesn't feel weird having Alison here. Like we can be alone together.

Alison pauses about an hour into her work. I pretend not to notice but keep an eye on her in my side vision. She goes to type a couple of times but then hesitates each time before closing her laptop and moving away from me a few inches to give her attention to her phone instead. Turn slightly to her with a worried look. When Alison is nervous it fills the room with tension. She may be a good list, but her energy certainly isn't.

"Is something wrong, babe?" I ask cautiously, not wanting to pry.

"Nope. You?" She asks with a dreamy smile staring right into my face.

"No, I'm fine." I smile back and then return my attention to my computer.

I know that she's lying to me. But if I learned anything from the Rebecca fiasco it's that I shouldn't assume things. I'll give her time to feel comfortable enough to share it with me and if she doesn't I will try to confront her like an adult, just like she asked. I give her foot a squeeze, I think it was more to reassure me than her.

"I'm going to go get dressed in real clothes, do you want anything while I'm up?" She asks sitting up.

"I'm good, thank you though." I smile and watch her walk to the bedroom.

I don't think much of it when I hear quite a bit of noise coming from the room. Alison certainly never lost her flair for drama and need for perfect presentation. But, soon, fifteen minutes have passed and the noises are getting more frustrated and louder. I finally let concern and curiosity getting the better of me and go to investigate. I push the door open slightly and see her slamming her clothes around in her closet, a pair of jeans on just barely to her hips and unbuttoned. I had noticed her shirts struggling to stay in place lately and put two and two together.

"Ali, baby." I start making my way towards her.

"What!? You come to enjoy the show!?" She demands throwing another top onto the bed after reading the size.

"Has Shae caused you to out grow another round of clothes?" I ask softly. She gives me a look that alerts me to a need to calm the beast immediately.

"Put on some yoga pants and get in the car. We are going shopping." I say grabbing her arms and wrapping them around my waist. I pull her close and she tries to turn away from me.

"I just want to wear what I want. I hate shopping for clothes." She mumbles. That seems unusual to me. But looking back, last time that we went shopping she was thankful but less than enthusiastic about it and she hasn't gone since.

"Why? You used to love shopping." I say. She doesn't answer, just turns and kisses my cheek before sadly getting dressed and following me to the car.

I'm not sure what's come over her. She used to live for shopping. I guess I thought she had just grown out of the obsession a bit. Now I feel like it's something more. Either way I grab her hand lovingly as we near the mall and she surprises me with the way that she grips it in return.

"I don't know." She says quietly as I hold up another top. I don't know why but the fire that she had reclaimed seems to have gone out. She seems so small, and scared. Distant even.

"I mean I'll wear it if you want me to. Do you like it?" She asks with this strange desperate undertone.

"I just thought of you when I saw it. I want you to wear what you want." I say plopping beside her in exasperation. I've tried everything that I can think of to get her into this shopping thing. She turns away from me.

"What aren't you telling me, Al?" I'm getting desperate here too. When she turns back my heart stops.

"He used to take me shopping." She starts, her eyes wet, tears clinging to her lashes.

"He would make me buy whatever he wanted. He would yell at me for making suggestions saying I just wanted flashy and revealing clothes so I could show off for other people. He'd call me names. Sometimes he'd even demand to choose my outfits. Especially if I was going out. He was so cruel and condescending, Em." She cries to the floor.

"Honey, i'm so sorry. That never should have happened, I had no idea. It's never going to be like that again." I try to assure her holding her shoulders and trying to catch her face.

"God, I'm sorry I thought I was better, I should be over this. You shouldn't have to deal with my crazy meltdowns." She cries wiping at her eyes and trying to pull herself together.

"Trauma doesn't work like that. Healing is never linear. You will have good days where it will be like he never existed. And then you will have days where you can't even get out of bed. You'll goo through whole good months and whole bad months. And that's all okay!" I pause lifting her face lovingly to meet mine.

"And I am going to be here for every bit of it." I assure her and she pulls me in for an intense kiss.

So we take it slow. I hold her hand and walk around with her working hard to give her lots of reassurance and support and no guidance or suggestions. I want her to remember what it was like to express herself this way again. How much she loved it. I want her to be liberated.

After a couple of hours we leave the mall with a pair of jeans, a skirt and dress pants for work, a few nice tops, and a dress that she really seemed to love. I carry the bags on one arm and hold her hand with the other. She feels a lot more at ease now. Less tension in her body.

"You did really well, I'm proud of you." I say quietly for only her to here, though we are alone.

"I just bought some clothes. It should be easy." She scoffs.

"Moving on from trauma is not easy Ali. Don't be so hard on the love of my life." I say. Something about it strikes a chord and she is crying again. She kisses me hard when we get to the car. We head home feeling relieved.


End file.
